God doesn't want me and I don't want Him...*hmpf* can't believe I was ever wrapped up in that stuff...whatever It's just me and the world and I don't want any part of it so that doesn't leave me much options. It's better for all if I just leave this earth. I'm sorry for not being better, I tried, but I can only do so much, I am human...and not a good one at that. I don't have it left to bother anymore. I don't care. What's the point of trying to be good anyway. It really doesn't matter. I don't care anymore. I don't care if I'm nice or mean or good or bad or whatever...I just going to do whatever. No sense in trying anymore. I'm done. I dunno what is going to happen, who knows, only time will tell...but I'm off that "christian" bandwagon now. I'm not cut out for all that crap.
Replies
oh Nicolle, You and I know that is a bunch of shit, excuse my language. I\'m really dissapointed in you. God does want you, he wants you so badly he\'s willing to make you suffer in order for you to reach out to him, sounds crazy I know, but thats the best I can do right now. It\'s not crap and you are cut out for it and you know it. sorry for getting on your back but true friends stab you in the back cause you were ment to live life come on you\'re a super trooper. Anyway, I\'m praying for you in a mighty way and I pray that God blows your socks off this week with miricles that can only be explained by him. I love you, that will never change. Oh, my sweet nicolle, I\"m sorry you\'re hurting so bad. I\"m here for you. much love and HUGS!!!!!
PLEASE DON\'T LISTEN TO THE LIES IN FRONT OF YOU. BE POSITIVE. DON\'T EVER NEVER SPEAK TO THE NEGATIVE ABOUT YOURSELF AGAIN. IT IS NOT FROM GOD. GOD LOVES YOU JUST WHERE YOU ARE AND PICK UP YOURSELF UP. JUST CRY OUT TO GOD AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT. ASK GOD IF HE IS REAL AND TELL HIM I WANT TO SEE YOU IF YOU ARE REAL. I AM VERY DISSAPPOINTED TO YOU ALSO. JUST SPEAK TO GOD AND BE HONST YOURSELF TO HIM. IT WILL SHOW UP IN HIS TIME THE LEAST UNEXPECTED. YOU WILL BE SO SURPRISE. MY PRAYER ARE WITH YOU. JESUS LOVES YOU VERY MUCH BECAUSE HE DIED FOR YOU, SO, YOU CAN HAVE JOY AND PEACE AND MANY BLESSINGS
I spoke to God in my lowest moment. I had only a miligram left of faith left, but with that little bit I tried. Even in my moments when I stopped believing in Him, (believe me I stopped believing in Him many times, only to be reminded later how much He does care...).
I saw that your avatar was changed. Though I cannot change how you feel, it did sadden me. Do you know how much you affected me? You helped me believe again. I was nearly going back the path of being an atheist, until your comments on my journal uplifted me... In that sense, God worked through you. You are an angel in my life. And if you don\'t want God, far be it for me to convince you...but I know that God wants you...I have yelled and cursed at God. He was patient with me. I had ignored Him. I even cringed at seeing, hearing, or saying His name....But I felt worse for being separated from Him.... Because if He is not there for us, and it\'s only us to defend and protect ourselves, then we are in danger....Your words remind me of words that I recall in my most bleakest period. They were dangerous words. In my head I wanted to kill myself. Even times when I thought I felt words telling me to hurt others too, though I shook them aside....
Please. Please,Please....I know this is hard and what you feel is nothing what I can understand. You feel God has abandoned you....I often wonder why we must reflect on Jesus\' life....He was ridiculed. Mocked. Even abandoned and betrayed by his most closest friends. Even he said \"My God, my God, why have you abandoned me.\"....I know, you no longer \"buy into this stuff\". But i never thought I\'d stop believing myself. It goes in cycles. Your faith will not be constant....When your faith is at its height, something will bring you down....so that you will hate God....Please do not let the enemy win...
this does cycle...ya i know that....maybe someday i will decide again it isn\'t all crap...but right now i\'m just not there and i need to figure it out my own way for now
Don\'t worry if you don\'t believe in God right now, He still believes in you. Let the prayers of your friends carry you. We care about you too.
Nan