Ellocin

I'm now at my parents...got here last night and will go back to my place either tonight or for sure tomorrow.  I should wash the clothes I wore at my friends since I think I got smushed banana and...

Happy November! doing good, survived the big scary halloween....lol. My friend picked me up after her and her son did some trick-or-treating in the city....so they were pretty much done.  But...

getting ready to head to a friends house for the night and to help her take her boy trick or treating.  I'm sure it will bring back memories...we always used to go around on halloween together as...

5 minutes i'm fine, 5 minutes later i am crying like there is no tomorrow and don't know what to do.  I really do hate this.  I have been good though.  I haven't done any cutting or burning or...

finally fell asleep after taking 2 ativans around 7 or 8am.  woke up feeling awful horrible panic so called my psychiatrist to see if all this is normal and she said it is a normal part of the...

this is f*cken pissing me of...not to mention making it damn hard to sleep...6:45am still awake...i'm so all over the place it isn't funny.  Not like happy or anything, not even close, but every...

well, safely made it to my room...and i'm feeling slightly better...going to attempt sleeping shortly since it's after 5:30am

ok, this is my no sleep meds night and i was doing ok so i thought i could get through it alright but now i'm not doing so good...i feel like i'm going to do and i have major urges to do bad...

i went to my appointment...it went okay but no there is no magic answer and i just have to deal with the med situation a bit longer.  She called me today not long after I had left the message about...

omg i am in such a crappy mood.  the sleeping meds made me drowsy last night but didn't much help with actually sleeping...i don't know how much or how little i slept just that it was broken in...

i started doing something today that i haven't done in a few years....in some ways it's better then cutting...other ways it's not...i've started burning again.  Thing is i did once....and have been...

having such a hard time today...i am trying so hard not give into to anything...i promise i am trying..i dunno...i think i'm going to need another hospital admission to get through this alive...i see...

yeah so i can totally see that my borderline symptoms/tendancies are in full swing now...oh joy oh bliss...i much prefer the straight depression over this but what can ya do...not that i like...

i'm here...i'm okay for now...just needed to find different distractions than usual...just needed out of my head for a bit....still don't want to deal with any God stuff right now though...I just...

PLEASE STOP IT! That's all I'm asking right now. As for now I am still alive.  I've got to get up and make myself at least half presentable as I meet with my new occupational therapist...