can't do this anymore...i want to be dead so bad...i shouldn't be writting it here..or anywhere...i should just do it...get it over with...i'm suppose to be dead anyway...that's what they tell me...so why the fuck am i still here... UGGHHH FUCK sorry i'm such a waste of space...is this a cry for help...i dunno...i doubt there's any help out there in this screwed up world for me....i'm beyond help...hospital admision of hospital admission has proved that to me. I just can't do this anymore...i don't have the strength left in me to even try anymore
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i accidentally posted this with a theme and now the stupid DS won\'t let me take that out. can\'t seem to get anything to work right.
You aren\'t meant to be dead, I can promise you that now. You have been put on this earth by God, he created you, you are his perfect, beloved child and he gave you this life in the hope that you could enjoy it. It sucks that its been this hard for you so far, but I promise that life is worth living for, even if you can\'t see it now. Believe me, I know how it feels to want to die and it can be so hard to see the point in even waking up in the morning. But you ARE worth something. You are LOVED by God and probably many other people that you dont even know you\'ve had an impact on. There is beauty and comfort in even the smallest things. Try taking it in small steps when you feel like this. Light some incense and smell it, drink one of your favourite drinks, listen to a good song, rent out a movie and snuggle up in a doonah. But most of all, you can\'t punish yourself for feeling like this. You are not a failure. No one is perfect, but we are all good enough for God. Please take it easy on yourself and be gentle with your pain.
I cannot tell you enough how important it is to hold on, to be strong. If i had killed myself in grade 10, like I had planned to, there\'s so much i wouldve missed out on.
I now have a happy home and a wonderful boyfriend and Im healthy and doing well in so many aspects of my life. Sometimes things get hard, but overall its more than i could ever have imagined. Dont give up, because you never know how things are going to turn out. In the end, we have to make our own happiness. Just keep going and it will come to you.
My prayers are with you
you seem very strong
keep fighting, much love xxx
Reading a book by Brian Tome called Welcome to the Revolution: A Field Guide to New Believers, I was inspired with this thought paralleling a similar idea I learned about the tikkun olum:
If we as people are made in God\'s image, then maybe we all together must act in collaboration with one another in order to really see God in this world...for this purpose, perhaps, this is what God intended us to do. However, because we haven\'t really been cooperating with each other in our ways of loving and caring and protecting each other, then we fail to see God in each other and in this world. And therefore we see each other as divided, this world divided, where all along God wants it to be whole again.
I know this is what i believe-that every one we meet is in God\'s plan. We have our roles to help others, our friends, our loved ones, even those we hardly know but know need our help...I believe God led us to each other so that we could be each other\'s shoulders. With these shoulders, we can help carry our crosses, our burdens, take breaks in between, and take them up again. You are worth more than what you know. More than what you can imagine, because God made you...and we can never know what God\'s plan is for us.
God sent Jesus to love us, to die for us in that love. Imagine His reasons for creating us!!!! ...I\'m sorry if this is not making sense now, but it all comes to this I think...we are God\'s children. We are of one family in this sense. And in this you have become my sister. I will keep you in my prayers always.