Ellocin

Hmmm...I don't know how I managed to forget to write in here.  I guess that's a good sign I've been keeping occupied.  I had an appointment this morning with my Psychiatrist.  It went well.  We...

It's only 10:42pm and I'm already in bed.  I had 2 naps today...just so exhausted and frozen.  Ended up going to my sisters house for homemade eggrolls and fried rice.  Mmmm, yummy.  I helped...

Ughh...so much rain around here lately.  I'm at my parents and they have big puddles in their back yard...maybe the front too, I haven't really looked.  But yesterday there were 2 ducks enjoying...

Didn't do much of anything today....just been pretty sleepy.  I'm still at my parents.  It's pouirng rain outside :(  I hate rain...I like snow.  I want the snow from the midwest USA or from...

Doing better today.  It's been a rather lazy day as usual.  I did come over to my parents though and I'll probably spend tonight and tomorrow night.  We'll see how it goes.  My roommate is...

Well I got up at a really good time today (8 something am)....but around noon I was so tired I had to sleep.  I just got no energy today.  Feeling really blah. Mom's going to pick up my...

Finally back.  She said that is helpful that a brought it in.  She only could look at a little bit of it or we wouldnt' have had any session at all.  But she says it's helpful so I might do that...

Well, talked on phone with my psychiatrist about the loxapine.  She's prescribing something else....I think temazapam.  I've been on it before but it doesn't work as well as the loxapine.  Gonna...

i took an ativan and it's helped me chill out a bit.  i'm a wreck tonight.  Sorry for my entries lately.  They are just small representations of the crap that goes on in my head.  I see my...

if i'm gonna die why can't i just hurry up and die already...instead of going through all this...i'm so furstrated and annoyed and upset...and mom and i just got in another fight...can't seem to get...

Lovely, just lovely.  Saw the rheumatologist and when she looked at my blood work said my immune system is about the same right now as someone on chemo.  She also said I need to stop the loxapine...

Didn't really want to get up today but see rheumatologist today so figured I better.  I'm so sleepy.  Didn't sleep well.  Went to bed at a decent time but I think the half coffee (half decaf) that...

i just know i'm gonna end up dead and i'm so scared...i can't handle this shit anymore I kept it under control all day because i had to go out and be around people but i coudln't handle it any...

For feeling crappy and like death I'm feeling surprisingly calm.  Listening to my little friends, the mice, in the wall.  They are rather entertaining...at least I know I'm not all alone in my...

Am I dying?  I really don't know.  Things are just so odd today.  I'm super dizzy...and confused but semi functioning.  I really think something is off...but I don't know.  I'm too scared to...