2songbirds

well, I started taking zoloft almost a week ago now. It's done wonders so far. I haven't had a panic/anxiety attack for a week. I no longer have those out of control racing thought.s. Don't get me...

I'm a little lost as to what to do...do I start taking my zoloft again altho it's been almost a year that I"ve been off of them? they do good in the short term problems, but in the long run...there's...

"He had what his heart desires"...that's the bottom line comment I made in my journal a couple nights ago. It finally hit me. He had what he wanted, yet it wasn't enough for him at the time. He grew...

Now, that H has gone and had a cig, I can continue...I every hour find myself questioning why..what if...why...How could I have left such a dysfunctional family, to live with a full blown SA, to...

I"m starting to realize that I couldn't help him, nor can I. This is HIS addiction, his problem. One that he needs to mentally and physically deal with. I firmly believe that WE should've been strong...

One pattern that I'm noticing is that alcohol tends to intensify my feelings. I turn to dirnking to try to numb, to escape...however that is the very addiciton that H was facing. On the other hand, I...

I'm having trouble anymore seeing us get through this. I see his efforts, I see his grief, he sees my pain. Yet, he doesn't understand or know the pain I feel....the agony...the mourning that I'm...

I did write a long detailed entry the other night. However, with one stupid move, it was all erased. maybe for a reason, I don't know. tried to revive it, but was goneAnyways, it was a bad day. A...

The old computer, all evidence on it is gone. I used a program to wipe it clean, even windows itself had to reinstalled. It runs so much faster now. But, the most important thing is I cannot drive...

H came yesterday with an "erasing harddrive" program. It's been over a month now that the old computer has sat, waiting to give it a new do, a make over. He finally made the first step...

Saturday night...after I got home...I had to get out emotions from me thinking, putting pieces together. I wrote him a long note as he was sleeping. In the wee morning hours, letting him sleep, I...

Earlier today, with everything going on, for the first time since college, I had to write appts and stuff down on the calender, and in my cell phone. My mind seems so disorganized anymore. Between my...

recently it seems to be getting better. I rejoined the gym last monday, been busy reading my books, on here reading, etc. I let H read my journal entries which I believe really helped as he didn't...

I received the eight books that I ordered for both me and h to read today. I scanned through them before going to work tonight, and took "sex, lies, and forgiveness' to the gym after work...I started...

Today, as my day has gone on, got oldest off to school, tending to my 4 1/2 yo, and almost 3 yo, cleaning, thinking about what my night's going to be like at work tonight, I found a strange surge of...