2songbirds

How does his actions/moods affect us as a family? How do they make us feel?That is what my therapist wants me to focus on right now. I think in some ways this is more detrimental to me...to us....for...

I'm trying my damnest not to think this, not to analyze, not to act this out...but I've been thinking anymore of it just being best to divorce. I know it's said to not do anything drastic in the...

I'm doing my best not to go down that self pity road lately. A few major things happened in our relationship, and milestones are to come1st) I realized that yesterday we did what I never wanted my...

It's amazing how the little slightlest things can trigger such emotion. I've been doing better lately, than from when I iniatially discovered the extent of my betrayalI realized tonight, after many...

well, as I was writing my entry earlier today, before I went into work, H came home, and I had to get ready to leave.I honestly didn't think about this anniversary date all evening until I was online...

tonight marks the 5 month anniversary of when my world was turned upside down, when I was forced from my fantasy life to face reality. My reality is what my H has been trying to hide from me all of...

so, H had worked a lot of extra hours the other week. he said it was 70hrs total. Last week, it went back to normal, but I noticed old patterns coming about. I needed to talk to him about it, but was...

I have to add that I know he's been working a lot lately. But, on the other hand I feel like he hasn't been trying to make some time with me. I can't tell you the last time we had a 20 minute, hell a...

I have to admit that I'm feeling disappointed with the progress in my recovery. I didn't honestly think my H porn addiction would've caused this much damage for so long.the other day my therapist...

I've been trying to keep busy lately. Trying to consume my thoughts into something else. Yet, I randomly find my mind wandering then I feel the adrenaline....I'm starting to get mad. I'm mad at him,...

It's coming to that time of the month again...no, not what you would typically associate with "time of the month", but the anniversary dates. I stopped taking zoloft a couple weeks ago. Have been ok,...

I have to wonder why, or what drew me into my current H from my past. I have to wonder why it was so important for me to conquer him for myself when that 's all I needed...was myself. I KNOW I love...

I think, or at least I want to think that it's becoming easier to cope, deal, and live with this addiction knowing that I have some freedom and choice in my behaviors. I CAN cheat on him, I CAN hurt...

I am slowly becoming to realize of my past fantasy. and how it has all fallen aparrt. Nothing is what it had seemed. It will never be as it was. I am accepting that. Our past relationship is dead and...

I know I have to talk about this with my therapist. Since I started taking zoloft again I haven't had the rage surges so far. None like in the past 2 months. I still think about all of this all the...