losing track

Earlier today, with everything going on, for the first time since college, I had to write appts and stuff down on the calender, and in my cell phone. My mind seems so disorganized anymore. Between my kindergartener needing to go to summer school for extra reading/pronouncing skills, my 4 yr in preschool and soon to be in kindergarten himself, my diabetic dog who's sugar still isn't under control after a year, taking care of finances, dr appts, working 4 nights, grocery shopping, etc....I'm feeling overwhelmed anymore. We have a picture of the 5 of us on our fridge from a school event around christmas time. I thought...wow, I thought everything was perfect....not knowing He was looking at porn while I was at work, while the kids were in the bathtub, or running around playing downstairs.
I've been busy reading my books. The one I can best relate to, and is helping me realize I'm not crazy is "Your sexually addicted spouse....how partners can cope and heal" by Barbara steffens and marsha means. Wow, an eye opener. The other book I started reading yesterday is "the porn trap...the essential guide to overcoming problems caused by pornography" by wendy and larry maltz. That one just hit a nerve. Made me think of what was going thru my H head while he purposely, blindedly seeked out the images and videos. It also says...it's not because of us why they act out. Something I'm still coming to terms with.
This is the 3rd time in our almost 9yrs together. The hardest by far, but I am starting to think we almost had to go through these hard times. It wasn't until this time that he realized he had an uncontrollable problem and needed help. Hopefully, after all of this we grow stronger and closer...for us, for our children, for our family
I can't wait to go to the gym tonight after work for all this built up adrenaline. Have to turn to that instead of alcohol, esp for how bad it's "calling" me. I know me having a drink won't make anything go away, may make it worse with all this built up tension...been off from work last 2 days, therefore haven't been to the gym either as it's my "after work getaway"