2songbirds

It's coming to that time of the month again...no, not what you would typically associate with "time of the month", but the anniversary dates. I stopped taking zoloft a couple weeks ago. Have been ok,...

I have to wonder why, or what drew me into my current H from my past. I have to wonder why it was so important for me to conquer him for myself when that 's all I needed...was myself. I KNOW I love...

I think, or at least I want to think that it's becoming easier to cope, deal, and live with this addiction knowing that I have some freedom and choice in my behaviors. I CAN cheat on him, I CAN hurt...

I am slowly becoming to realize of my past fantasy. and how it has all fallen aparrt. Nothing is what it had seemed. It will never be as it was. I am accepting that. Our past relationship is dead and...

I know I have to talk about this with my therapist. Since I started taking zoloft again I haven't had the rage surges so far. None like in the past 2 months. I still think about all of this all the...

well, I started taking zoloft almost a week ago now. It's done wonders so far. I haven't had a panic/anxiety attack for a week. I no longer have those out of control racing thought.s. Don't get me...

I'm a little lost as to what to do...do I start taking my zoloft again altho it's been almost a year that I"ve been off of them? they do good in the short term problems, but in the long run...there's...

"He had what his heart desires"...that's the bottom line comment I made in my journal a couple nights ago. It finally hit me. He had what he wanted, yet it wasn't enough for him at the time. He grew...

Now, that H has gone and had a cig, I can continue...I every hour find myself questioning why..what if...why...How could I have left such a dysfunctional family, to live with a full blown SA, to...

I"m starting to realize that I couldn't help him, nor can I. This is HIS addiction, his problem. One that he needs to mentally and physically deal with. I firmly believe that WE should've been strong...

One pattern that I'm noticing is that alcohol tends to intensify my feelings. I turn to dirnking to try to numb, to escape...however that is the very addiciton that H was facing. On the other hand, I...

I'm having trouble anymore seeing us get through this. I see his efforts, I see his grief, he sees my pain. Yet, he doesn't understand or know the pain I feel....the agony...the mourning that I'm...

I did write a long detailed entry the other night. However, with one stupid move, it was all erased. maybe for a reason, I don't know. tried to revive it, but was goneAnyways, it was a bad day. A...

The old computer, all evidence on it is gone. I used a program to wipe it clean, even windows itself had to reinstalled. It runs so much faster now. But, the most important thing is I cannot drive...

H came yesterday with an "erasing harddrive" program. It's been over a month now that the old computer has sat, waiting to give it a new do, a make over. He finally made the first step...