2songbirds

One pattern that I'm noticing is that alcohol tends to intensify my feelings. I turn to dirnking to try to numb, to escape...however that is the very addiciton that H was facing. On the other hand, I...

I'm having trouble anymore seeing us get through this. I see his efforts, I see his grief, he sees my pain. Yet, he doesn't understand or know the pain I feel....the agony...the mourning that I'm...

I did write a long detailed entry the other night. However, with one stupid move, it was all erased. maybe for a reason, I don't know. tried to revive it, but was goneAnyways, it was a bad day. A...

The old computer, all evidence on it is gone. I used a program to wipe it clean, even windows itself had to reinstalled. It runs so much faster now. But, the most important thing is I cannot drive...

H came yesterday with an "erasing harddrive" program. It's been over a month now that the old computer has sat, waiting to give it a new do, a make over. He finally made the first step...

Saturday night...after I got home...I had to get out emotions from me thinking, putting pieces together. I wrote him a long note as he was sleeping. In the wee morning hours, letting him sleep, I...

Earlier today, with everything going on, for the first time since college, I had to write appts and stuff down on the calender, and in my cell phone. My mind seems so disorganized anymore. Between my...

recently it seems to be getting better. I rejoined the gym last monday, been busy reading my books, on here reading, etc. I let H read my journal entries which I believe really helped as he didn't...

I received the eight books that I ordered for both me and h to read today. I scanned through them before going to work tonight, and took "sex, lies, and forgiveness' to the gym after work...I started...

Today, as my day has gone on, got oldest off to school, tending to my 4 1/2 yo, and almost 3 yo, cleaning, thinking about what my night's going to be like at work tonight, I found a strange surge of...

I"ve been trying for the last 1 1/2 years to keep myself busy. Now that I"ve gone back to school fulltime (grad school), and working, and taking care of kids and household, things have subsided. I've...

((sigh)) I haven't been feeling well for 2 weeks now. Damn bad cold. My AF is due this coming up sunday/monday and the pms already kicked in..now...today after he got home from work he kept goosing...

well, we had our nightly sessions now 2 weeks in a row. This past week I took off the parental controls on the tv. I told him to go on the computer.His therapist told my therapist at their lil' phone...

he won't allow me time alone, to myself, my space. I had to yell at him the the other night...after him trying to F "ing lie to me....about him forgetting about 2 of our weekly sessions  together.HE...

I am seriously torn. I don't know if I should throw in the towel or not. I know he loves me, NOW,...I know he's trying NOW...but, the damage is done. The damage has been done. without him threatening...