2songbirds

tonight marks the 5 month anniversary of when my world was turned upside down, when I was forced from my fantasy life to face reality. My reality is what my H has been trying to hide from me all of...

so, H had worked a lot of extra hours the other week. he said it was 70hrs total. Last week, it went back to normal, but I noticed old patterns coming about. I needed to talk to him about it, but was...

I have to add that I know he's been working a lot lately. But, on the other hand I feel like he hasn't been trying to make some time with me. I can't tell you the last time we had a 20 minute, hell a...

I have to admit that I'm feeling disappointed with the progress in my recovery. I didn't honestly think my H porn addiction would've caused this much damage for so long.the other day my therapist...

I've been trying to keep busy lately. Trying to consume my thoughts into something else. Yet, I randomly find my mind wandering then I feel the adrenaline....I'm starting to get mad. I'm mad at him,...

It's coming to that time of the month again...no, not what you would typically associate with "time of the month", but the anniversary dates. I stopped taking zoloft a couple weeks ago. Have been ok,...

I have to wonder why, or what drew me into my current H from my past. I have to wonder why it was so important for me to conquer him for myself when that 's all I needed...was myself. I KNOW I love...

I think, or at least I want to think that it's becoming easier to cope, deal, and live with this addiction knowing that I have some freedom and choice in my behaviors. I CAN cheat on him, I CAN hurt...

I am slowly becoming to realize of my past fantasy. and how it has all fallen aparrt. Nothing is what it had seemed. It will never be as it was. I am accepting that. Our past relationship is dead and...

I know I have to talk about this with my therapist. Since I started taking zoloft again I haven't had the rage surges so far. None like in the past 2 months. I still think about all of this all the...

well, I started taking zoloft almost a week ago now. It's done wonders so far. I haven't had a panic/anxiety attack for a week. I no longer have those out of control racing thought.s. Don't get me...

I'm a little lost as to what to do...do I start taking my zoloft again altho it's been almost a year that I"ve been off of them? they do good in the short term problems, but in the long run...there's...

"He had what his heart desires"...that's the bottom line comment I made in my journal a couple nights ago. It finally hit me. He had what he wanted, yet it wasn't enough for him at the time. He grew...

Now, that H has gone and had a cig, I can continue...I every hour find myself questioning why..what if...why...How could I have left such a dysfunctional family, to live with a full blown SA, to...

I"m starting to realize that I couldn't help him, nor can I. This is HIS addiction, his problem. One that he needs to mentally and physically deal with. I firmly believe that WE should've been strong...