Its Tuesday. My name is Dan. I've been compulsively lying for a long time, and am on the rocks with my girlfriend of 2 years because of it. I haven't been lying to her for about a while now because i have been trying to fix things, but for some reason i lied about something completely pointless and stupid lastnight and she even confronted my asking if I was lying because she knew I was and i still continued to lie. Finally I gave myself up and said I was lying and she got really upset, kicking me out to sleep on the couch and telling me the relationship will be over if I dont get help.

The simple answer, Dan, is: get help. The complex answer is that who knows what kind of help you're going to get or how you're going to respond to it. Are you religious or spiritual? Would you go to counseling? You're already checking out support groups, or you wouldn't be here. Are you journaling? Do you want to change your habit, or do you just want to pacify your girlfriend? Lots of questions. Lots of questions only you can answer. But you can change if you want to. If you do, we're all here.

I am religious, and I've been looking for actual in person support groups in my area but couldn't really find any. This was the closest I could come. I do want to change my habit, and I was about a month into not lying at all, and for some reason i just did lastnight, for no reason, and then got scared basically and felt the compulsion all come back to keep layering the lie until i finally came clean. I don't want to do that, not to myself, not to her and not to anybody

I've always been the type of person to not seek out help or support with my problems, and I thought i was doing fine, but what happened lastnight shows me that the compulsion is much stronger than what I thought and that I need the help and support of others to help me stop

I think that when one recognizes that you need help and support, you have crossed a huge hurdle in your journey to living with truth and honesty. For years I deluded myself with the thought that I would always be able to implement changes in order to become an 'honest' person. This was a lie to myself, and those around me. This problem was far larger than anything I could do on my own. Yes, this is not a face to face support group, but in some ways it has advantages. For me, it causes me to really think about what I am typing and what I want to say. Each thought is scrutinized, and the associated experiences are examined and analyzed in an attempt to see why I lied or behaved as I did. I have also examined my spiritual beliefs, and have realized that there is indeed a Higher Power that guides us through life. We have the free will to make decisions, but everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason placed there to teach us something. It is for us to figure out the lesson and make the choice that is moral, ethical and ultimately the one that will better our lives and the lives of those around us.

My name is Danielle and I am a liar.
Ever since I was little, I would lie about everything because I didn't want to get in trouble. I used to be a great student, an awesome daughter/sister, and a decent friend. After the stress of work, school, and all the lies I've been buried under came to a point... I am trying to make things right.
I know where I need to start when it comes to my monetary issues (I am finishing paying off all my credit cards today!) and how to talk to my parents about that (they only knew about part of it)... but I don't know how to admit about school.
I've been so stressed/depressed for about two years, so it's pushed me back in school a whole year. When my parents used to question it, I would say things about me not taking enough credit hours or that I accidentally took classes that I didn't need. How do I admit to them that I have 93 credit hours, going to have 106 when I'm done with this semester and that my GPA is 2.75 (not past 3)?
I'm truly afraid that when I spill the beans that they will analyze my different grades, and I don't want them to see when I withdrew from a few classes because I was having issues with stress/depression. Due to this stress, I stopped going to class so I'm withdrawing from one class that I will take next semester.
I know I'm only 8 classes away from graduation (About 14 credit hours a semester).

I just started seeing a counselor at school about my mental health and she believes that I'm a perfectionist. How do I tell my parents without them freaking out and kicking me out?

Danielle, just tell them. Tell them you're getting help, you've had issues. Tell them the truth. I was always scared to tell my parents stuff, too, and when I finally told my dad the truth, it was AMAZING how much he opened up to me and confessed some stuff he'd dealt with in the past, too. It brought us closer together in a way, and I'm confident your parents will act similarly. You're taking big steps in getting counseling and joining this group. Sounds like you're all into getting better. Look at it like it's just another step in your recovery.

Thanks for the reply.

I'm thinking of telling them tonight after dinner. I figure most of the stressors that I have come from the inside. Being worried that my parents will find out about my (past) debt and my school issues... it's hard to keep the lies straight from the truth.

But I've found that I lie to make myself or "my story" more interesting. It's not malicious. And I feel horrible after it. I'm going to try to take it one step at a time. What steps have you taken?

Well, I got on here for one, and I started counseling also. I started keeping a journal and writing down every time I lie. I started thinking about what I was going to say and what the consequences of my lies would be before I would speak to friends and family. Then I started opening up to people. Now I'm in a place where my past lies are coming up, and I just kind of laugh and think, "boy, I really pulled the wool over our shoulders, didn't I?". It's inner turmoil to deal with these things, though, and I don't ever forget how hard this road is. When serious lies come back, it's really hard to come clean. I just think of the good things, good supportive people in my life, and good, honest times I've had with people, and it's just a little bit easier to tell the truth.

Hey Danielle! Just getting on the site here and being able to tell your story to us is a huge step. We have all been in your shoes, and can empathize with what you are dealing with. I think that one of the great results of joining the dialogue here is that it will make you realize that you are not alone with this issue of chronic lying and dishonesty. That alone gave me a great sense of relief! Like Russ, I have found it to be a great help just by taking the time to think about what I was about to say before actually voicing the words. What will the consequences be if I lie here? How will it affect someone? How will I feel? Prior to this, lies would just roll off my tongue so easily and smoothly. I gave no thought to the effects they would have as time went by. Now it is always a conscious effort to think everything through before speaking. What a difference this makes! And if my self-censoring fails, I confess immediately about the lie I have just spoken. It is quite surprising how receptive people are when they know that you are being wholly honest with them.

I'm Russ, it's Thursday, and I'm totally a liar. Every day's a struggle, but I've been doing well so far. It's an arduous journey, but I can do this.

Hello, my name is Greg, and I have been a liar for as long as I can remember. Today was a good day, no lies were told. But the specter of old lies has come back to haunt me this evening. It is a nasty one, but I must suffer the consequences of what I have said and done. I must bear the responsibility for what I have done. This is difficult at times, but if one is to atone for past lies, there will be a degree of pain and discomfort to face. Pretty good reason to be an honest person, eh?

It's Friday and I'm realizing that I can't even make it through a week without lying. I keep mixing up my words and going back and forth with what I mean. I need to really think before I open my mouth. It's so much harder to do than I thought but I'm gonna stick with it. One day at a time.

That's right, man, one day at a time. Don't beat yourself up for your mistakes. Just learn from them and be constructive. You're doing great so far, as hard as it is to believe it sometimes.

It's Friday. I'm Russ, and I'm a liar. I'm so glad to have you friends on here. It's been a really hard day. Just grumpy. Like not lying is like quitting smoking. You know it's good for you, but it's a constant test and struggle.

The mantra of 'one day at a time' is one that should be taken to heart with everything. Today was a good day, being busy keeps you honest. You still have to remain vigilant, but if I am not honest with my work, it shows up immediately. Good practice! Still dealing with fall-out with my wife (maybe soon not my wife), but I created the situation, and I will suffer the consequences. Despite the grim-looking prospects, it still feels good to have exposed the lies and dishonesty. It is the lessons learned from this that give it a positive aspect. Have to go now to get ready for the Canada-Slovakia game. Puck drops in half and hour, and I sure hope we win to face the U.S.A. in the gold medal game!