Hi, I'm John, and I'm a compulsive liar.

Having a difficult time at the moment not necessarily associated with honesty. Read Mikey's sentence above about courage, and that helped. Thanks.

Have a good week everyone. Be gentle with yourselves.

My name is Lucy, and I'm a liar. Today is the ninth day since I joined this group, and I've been honest since that day.

Day 7 through 10 were lie free. Still plugging along and trying to deal with choices my husband is making. Some days I feel weak and accept that what he is doing is what I deserve, Other days I am fed up and feel like I'm human and deserve forgiveness and if he can't do that it's no longer my problem and it's out of my control. I even started looking at homes to buy....which is terrifying...but I also am done being the proverbial punching bag. At least today I am. I'm sure that will change in a couple hours...I think it was Mikey's quote that said no matter how perfect I am, I will still not be good enough if I am with the wrong person. It's a hard reality to face, but sometimes I wonder if I'm with the wrong person, if he doesn't love me enough to forgive me.

1COR1378, I am sorry for your struggles. I found Bryne Brown's book "Daring Greatly" to be of great value. Please read it. I think it will provide you (as it did me) tools for personal growth, strength, and inner comfort. She has also given some TED talks that you can youtube. I find that the messages come in different formats from like minded people but are the same. It is good to feel. Even if it is sadness. This lets us know we are alive. Hard to find comfort in these words when you are face down in the arena. But as we climb out it makes sense. The fact that you are on this site means you are looking to change and grow and find truth and happiness in your life. There is a reason for everything that has happened to you as it has brought you to where you are and who are today. These are lessons I am learning too. Life is not always easy or pleasant. How I approach the trials and tribulations is somehow different now than 67 days ago when I came to this site. Keep faith in yourself!! And follow the sage advice of "keep pounding"!!!

Checking in. I'm John and I'm a liar. I am getting better with each day.

1Cor1378, I too am sorry for your struggles. I completely empathize because I'm in the same situation as you are. I feel that my wife's heart is open for someone else to fill it. That saddens me. But I can't control that.

Thank you Mikey and John. I'll definitely try that book.

John I'm sorry for what you're going through as well. It sucks, and I know actions have consequences, so I feel I obviously should face repercussions for my lying...but I guess I just don't want to face them at this time. You have a great point that we can't control any of it, but what I can control is loving myself and staying true to my path.

Day 11, lie free and moving forward.

No blame. I accept where I am as a consequence of the choices I made. How I choose to go forward however is up to me as well. I accept my past but will not let it rule my future. I have to let go of my guilt. It cannot serve me. I will choose behaviors that do not cause me shame. When I feel sad, rejected, alon, misunderstood I will examin what is triggering those emotions so I can understand their origin, but I will also feel those emotions wholely. I ask every day I arise to be guided in a positive way to be truthful, authentic and empathetic to those who I touch. I acknowledge my imperfections. And I strive to keep a happy and positive attitude which seems to entice those around me to do the same. The chips will fall where they will. As long as I can be satisfied internally that I am doing my best that is enough. You cannot give away what you do not have. If you do not feel love internally, you cannot give love away. Damm! Guess I am feeling philosophical this afternoon Everyone be kind to yourselves!!!

Hi.. I'm Maddie and I am a liar. I want to stop. I am almost 19 and I have been lying since I was a child. Today makes one day of me being honest.

Today is day 14 for me, of joining this group and of not lying.

Starting my second day lie free. I'm ready to be an upright honest person. Everybody stay strong. Going into day 2 with both feet firmly on the ground to stand against my bad habit.

Day 46...hello everyone...to all the people who have joined since my last post, welcome aboard.

I have been crazy busy with my new job (loving it) and still no lies told however revisits have been done to past leis being told in January with my lady. When you set a pattern and you stray from it, it raises red flags with those whom you are close to. As recently as Saturday night we had and in depth conversation of where we are, how we are feeling and where she is stuck at when it comes to our relationship and herself when it comes to me - her point - I see you are caring now, why didn't you care then? I had to be honest and tell her that I wasn't thinking about her, I was thinking about me and what I thought I could get away with-all the time knowing what I was doing was dead wrong and if I could go back in time I would to change everything that I did and didn't do. There was seriousness but there was also laughter in our conversation and we have been taking it a day at a time. However the mind is always thinking back to times and circumstances that she will go back to an action or inaction that I did/didn't do that made hwe think about the action. This was in reference to an event I went to that the person who I had lied about would be at an event in January about 3 weeks before the fall...I didn't tell her I was going, but decided to go anyway because it was a dance and I knew this person would be there...I didn't call her like I usually do, I didn't answer the cell when she called (I really didn't hear the phone as it was a party with loud music} and didn't call her until after the event and I was en route home. She hit me with this last night before bedtime-and while I wanted to sidestep in my mind, I couldn't because I knew she was right...and I was wrong so I had to admit that to her. It made her bitter and it made her angry-and that's how the conversation ended. When you have lied so much your memory is clouded, she asked me detailed questions that I had to remember about what I did months ago. It gave me such a headache last night...admission hurts just as much as the truth...but truth is always preferred. Now admission to what was done in the past is a constant reminder to what was done - it's like pulling the scab off a healing wound....it hurts...for both her and me. However it cannot be allowed to be a constant because the healing will come much slower. Before last night's conversation I told her I'm staying and believing in our rebuilding our foundation until she says otherwise, I straight told her I do not want anyone else....keep in mind that the changes you make should not concentrate on your partner-it has to be for you FIRST and then prayerfully your partner will see that.

I'm so sorry for the length but hopefully this will help someone...I'm still going to live in my present truth while still learning from the painful past.

Have an awesome Thursday people...and keep pounding!

I'm John, and I'm a liar.

Logan's stories always hit home with me. Every day there is constant reminding of my sins of the past, and why, why, why, why? The same questions over and over again, perhaps to see if an answer changes. Or, perhaps so she can let go when she's finally satisfied.

However, at this stage of her / our healing, I don't think that there will be satisfaction. There will be no letting go. Not yet. In her eyes, I probably don't deserve it yet. She can't see my heart.

Logan, I do wish she could understand that strange phenomenon about memory being soooooo clouded with all the webs we've spun. She always says that it's convenient that I don't remember this or that. So, I always take the road that I probably lied about it. I'm glad to read that this phenomenon happens to others. Well, I'm not glad, but you know what I mean.

Checking in today.

My name is Bob and I am a liar today I need to be more honest. I find it getting easier to be honest and not say all the crazy things that come to my mind. I need to work hard to rebuild my life.

Logan, John Dito. Those cloudy memories of what we said. Truth and fiction all mixed together. I think that icky feeling is the shame. I also think at some point it has to be let go. I recently had a similar experience where an old event was brought up. I couldn't remember what I had said in the past. I too just shrugged and admitted who knows? I was full of shame and sadness and embarrassment and humiliation. I admitted to these emotions and commented on how it all made me feel. I acknowledged her hurt. It was accepted. Shame lives in a dark place. It is hard to survive in the light. Our message is the same it seems. We work on ourselves. We make ourselves right. And this creates the solid foundation that a healthy relationship can be built upon. How our partners decide to move forward is out of our control. But per my prior quote "the right person will stick with us at our worst and flourish at our best. in the words of great wisdom!! Keep pounding!!

Day 12, lie free. I may be lie free, but I'm still a liar.

So many wise words of wisdom. Now if I could just stay on track and follow and remember all these wonderful things. I can definitely relate to John, Mikey and Logan's fog and cloudy memory comments. I really try to remember when asked, but there are questions sometimes about something I did 20 years ago...literally 20 years ago. And there are times he will call me a liar becasue the story is different...well crap it was 20 years ago...I'm lucky if I can keep track of what I did 20 minutes ago let alone 20 years ago.

One quote I saw that has kept my spirits up is :"Sometimes the greatest things in life come after the most painful things in life." The pain will end for all of us one day. We are here because we have all made an active choice to better ourselves and overcome our compulsive behavior. That step and learning to love and forgive ourselves shows our strength and determination to be better people. In my opinion, that step alone should afford all of us some forgiveness. If our loved ones can't forgive us, that is their choice and out of our control....but honestly I don't need anyone's forgiveness but my own and the Lord's. The Lord will love me and I will love myself....I don't need anyone else that doesn't love me as I am....flaws and all.