Hi, I'm Kate. Today is the 1st day i haven't told a lie. My lying has disrupted my whole life, and now I have destroyed people I love most. I am in the process of seeking out therapy, but this is my second step. So far, I have come clean to my boyfriend of 6 years (who is now leaving me) and my Dad, who loves me unconditionally. Any and all advice on how to get through this is welcome. I'm glad I found this group.

Hello everyone, Kate here.

This is my second day check in, this is the second day I haven't told a lie. I don't have a therapy session until Tuesday, but I feel like I have already made progress. I spoke to my Mom, Brother and Sister now, as well as my boyfriend's (ex-boyfriend- I don't know where we stand for now) Mom. They were all difficult conversations. My family has poured out their love and support to me, I am so fortunate to have them. My boyfriend is still not speaking with me, as he can't believe anything I say. His Mom had some good advice on how to give him the space he needs, but as I have also broken her trust, she is tentative to take my word that I am making steps.

I don't really have a set plan on what I need to do now, but I have some small steps I am going to take. Because I like to make lists, here is what I am trying out first:

1. I am drawing my focus inward, and I am mindfully present.
2. I am reaching out for all the support I can find. This includes a counselor at a crisis center I spoke with on Wednesday (I am calling and checking in with him daily), the therapist I will see on Tuesday, my family who is unwavering in their support for my recovery, and of course, all of you in this group who understand all too well what this situation feels like.
3. I am going to attend a church service for the first time in 6 years, with the exception of my Mom dragging me to Easter Sunday Services.
4. I am going to eat, and shower, and continue taking care of myself every day.

This is all I have, however, I have small hope for tomorrow.

Hello my name is Rick and I am a liar, I am here because my lies have cost me yet another job and I need to stop to save my marriage and be able to provide for my family.

Day 2 check in. It has been a hard day. I need to find a way to stop lying, hiding, stealing and spending before I lose everything I love and hold dear if I haven't lost them already. I am going to a CoDA meeting tonight and have scheduled meetings and/or calls for everyday of the week. Debtors Anonymous, CoDA, Self Saboteurs Anonymous anything so that I am working on it everyday. My wife did the research and gave me lists to go to. I know that she still cares and just fear that I have already done too much damage. All I can do now is work one day at a time.

37 days free from lying. Talking to my ex girlfriend on a regular basis and being open with her is the best. Letting things heal between us so we can go further in our relationship! I'm truly happy

Today would be day 4 for me, but I'm back to 0. And I didn't slip up, I intentionally lied. I even rehearsed before hand. I lied to my boss about my situation by only telling him the partial truth. I lied to my best friend, because she is also a coworker, and therefor also friends with my boss. I am conflicted because I cannot afford to lose my job, and while maybe I wouldn't be fired, trust is an essential part of my job. I also suspect I am lying to myself about this justification, and that in addition to being a lair, I am also a coward.

My boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) is still not speaking to me. This is difficult because we live together, and I process almost all emotions verbally. (I have been calling my parents multiple times, everyday so far. My Dad says, at least he doesn't have to wonder how I'm doing)

Today, I am focused on letting myself feel whatever emotions come to me, I am accepting them, and I am letting them go. I had only one moment of bad anxiety today.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I will begin once again.

Day 3 Check in. I'll start by saying this check-in is for yesterday, I'll check in again tonight. Yesterday was a very hard day. My wife has asked me to be out of the house for a few days. Saying goodbye to my daughter was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I am continuing my meetings, Debtors Anonymous was last night. I am not a religious man so the higher power thing is always going to be a struggle for me but if the meetings do nothing more than keep my focus on my problem and remind me how bad things can get than they are worth my time. I missed my call this morning with a Self Saboteurs group this morning, just shut off my alarm and went back to sleep. It is so hard not to lie about that and pretend I am doing everything I said I would do. Today it's back to the job search and another DA meeting tonight. One thing at time and one day at a time. It's all I can do right now.

I don't know how to talk about today. Work was busy, and its easy to compartmentalize whats going on. Hiding the way I'm feeling feels like lying. Acting like my normal, friendly, sunny self makes me feel better, but is also what leads to my lying in the first place.
My sister told me today, that she has always resented how I've been living the "perfect life" and had everything "so together". She said she felt relieved to know that I was faking it this whole time. I don't know how to process our conversation. Like so many other things right now, I am putting this on hold, for some indeterminate therapy session, later... later.
My boyfriend texted me today. Mostly, his texts were angry, and full of hopelessness and pain. But, he's communicating!
I have my first appointment with a therapist tomorrow. I'm nervous and anxious, and excited. I'm scared too, that I"m expecting too much out of it.
I am still holding dear my small hopes.

1stHonestDay your on the right path keep it up. Don't lose hope

I had my first therapy session today, and I have some initial steps. I am taking a "moral inventory" of sorts, its supposed to be all the lies I can remember telling. I am also supposed to be writing a thankfulness journal. I haven't started the second one yet. In addition to these, my therapist wants me to start every day with writing down my intention for the day. On a sticky note, or something small, so I can carry it around with me. My ExBoyfriend actually spoke to me tonight. He helped me carry a bookshelf out of "my room" and asked if I had enough room in here. He asked me a couple questions about therapy. He asked me if we had ever had an honest conversation. I didn't have an answer for him. We ate the dinner I made in separate rooms, but at least he ate it this time. I thanked him for talking to me, and he laughed at me, which hurt. Which I deserve. I don't know how to tell him how sorry I am.

4th check-in - I don't want to call them daily check-in's because I haven't kept with them daily. Working very hard to stay present and not run away into my head. Speaking with family and friends that are reaching out to support me has been the hardest but I've been returning and accepting calls and texts. It's been good for me. I have support, I do not have to do it all on my own. Facing the reality of living a life separate from my family is crushing me, but I have to keep my head up and keep moving forward. I've submitted a request to Swords to Plowshares for support in getting some transitional housing. I'm currently on a friends couch but I need to find something more stable than couch surfing. I'll also check in with my therapist at the VA tomorrow to see what support they may offer. I start a new job on Monday, this feels like a last chance and I need to concentrate on doing good work, staying present and resisting the temptation to lie, hide and steal when they come up. Daily meetings and keeping my problem front of mind will be key for me. There is so much more I feel like I could type forever. Thank you for your listening and support.

Hi RickLocicero, I am so thankful that you are reaching out to family and friends. That was also the most daunting part of my process, but also the best, because I am renewed by their love and support. You are not alone with this, you have the people who love you, and you have all of us that accept you and are walking with you on this path.
I went to my first CoDA meeting today. (Co-Dependents Anonymous) Wow, a lot of what we talked about really hit close to home. Reading CoDA.org, and their list of patterns and characteristics was like reading a checklist of my life. Not the life I live on the outside, but the one I hide from everyone else by lying. There are three total groups in my area, and I'm excited to try them out as well.
Tonight, my Dad told me about his AA meetings. I had no idea he was going now. I know he went in the past (20 years ago, give or take) and I knew he had fallen off the wagon since then, and was struggling with sobriety lately, but he had some great insight, and he swears by his meetings.
Today, I feel a new salvation, (something off a brochure for CoDA, but something that I'm carrying with me)

Hi everyone,
So today I feel like I am hogging most of the feed on these replies, but I guess, it's working for me, so... those of you that don't have the same drive to overshare- bare with me.
I had a good day today. I lived honestly today, for the most part. Which is another way of saying I lied today. Reaching out for support from my friends who don't know the whole situation, asking them for their love and comfort, it feels fake, because part of me feels like they wouldn't stand behind me the same way if they knew the whole scope of what I'd done. Does anyone else here struggle with this? How do you share something so personal without compromising your integrity? I guess its a learning process.
My Ex and I had some good communication today. Good, I think. It's really messed up, but part of me is glad he's stuck here with me... I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. (I should just let myself feel whatever comes to me, but this too is one of my struggles.

Hi everybody,

This is my first time posting on this forum. I'm a severe pathological liar.
I lied about pretty much everything in my life, for as long as I can remember. I lied to friends and family, but somehow I would mainly do huge lies/stories to one person in particular (that person changed over the years) ; a teacher, a coach, etc, but always a parental figure. This is why I'm working the 12 steps SLAA program for love addiction, because it's the closest I could relate to. I believe that I used lying to get people to love me, and became addicted/obsessed to these people (for example a surrogate mom over the last 5 years). And to get these people to love me, I would lie about my entire life.

For example: I lied to this person "S" that I had illnesses I didn't have such as diabetes and epilepsy. I would actually pretend to faint or have seizures, or call from home saying I was in hospital with youtube "hospital sounds" in the background. I lied to her that my mother had abused me severly, and that we were going through court. I lied to her that my mother was mentally ill. I lied to her that my father was not my biological one. I created fake facebook profiles where I would talk to "S" when I wasn't with her, pretending to be someone else. I had no limites to what lies I would tell to make sure she cared, loved, and pretty much adopted me as her own daughter. I've been doing this all my life but with "S" for 5 years.

The weird thing is, I truly, truly was in denial all these years. I can't say that I didn't know I was lying, but I certainly can't say that I knew. I was in this weird state where I had no control and was in deep denial. I lived normally and never questionned what I was doing, I believed my lies to quite an extend. It's terryfing.

Anyway, I've been clean since early August. I started realising how sick I am and how much I'm cheating, manipulating people around me without even wanting to or knowing I did it. I am horrified at the harm I have caused. I came out and told "S" the truth, that not much she knows about me is true, and she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, which I can only understand. I'm just devastated because I never wanted to hurt her and I can't even imagine how hurt she must feel. She is like my mother and I don't want to live without her, but I'm going to have to learn.

Anyway, I've been pretty much not lying for a few months now. Stopping hasn't been that hard after realising how much hurt I do to others when I am in this dreadful addiction. But I'm struggling with heavy depression dealing with the guilt I have to carry around, the shame, and the grief of this relationship that meant the world to me.

So, I missed 2 days checking in,
Today and yesterday, I feel angry. My Ex-boyfriend and I talked, finally, for over an hour. I think it was too soon, because I am still feeling very unstable with these big life changes I'm trying to make, and because he is still so hurt and so very angry with me. I expressed my doubts, about myself and my motivations for all the work I've been doing in trying to find help to overcome this filthy habit of mine. He did nothing but reinforce my doubts, says he doesn't even believe that I am trying to get help, and that even if I am, that I am only doing it to gain sympathy and to try to make myself look better. I am struggling with accepting his anger as his coping with his grief over what I've done to our relationship. I think that maybe I am misdirecting my anger at myself by being angry at him.
I feel so confused.