PEOPLE-PlEASING

"We believe that we will be safe and never abandoned if we are ‘nice' and if we never show anger." BRB p. 11

We went overboard to give to and care for others. No one asked us, yet we expected that in return they would nurture, praise, and acknowledge us. But why should other people be expected to go out of their way to fulfill our needs? When did they sign the contract we carried in our minds?

We learn in recovery that the praise, confidence, and caring we need must come from within ourselves. Being too nice eventually leads us to feel angry, resentful, and anxious.

As we begin to express our true feelings, we focus on ourselves and direct our energy toward identifying and correcting our character defects. Instead of getting stuck in our niceness, we follow the ACA Steps in our daily lives. As a result, heartfelt peace and contentment heal us and our relationships, one day at a time.

Relying on our Higher Power enables us to become stronger spiritually. As we no longer depend on others for our happiness, our self-confidence increases.

On this day I will stay mindful of how easy it can be to fall back into my people-pleasing mode. To help me move forward and avoid burnout, I will rely instead on my Higher Power and my sponsor to guide me.

TRUE SELF

"We begin to see that we can bring our True Selves to a relationship. We have something to offer that is different than unhealthy dependence. This is what ACA recovery looks like." BRB p. 265

Discovering our True Selves - what a journey! When we look back at our first ACA meeting, we thank our Higher Power for getting us here. Maybe we hoped for a quick fix to stop the insanity and to have a better life, or a miracle answer about how to fix other people. But that's not exactly how things turned out.

As we keep coming back, we find that working the Steps is not always easy, nor is it pretty. But the key to freedom is courage, vulnerability, and the willingness to shed our tears while we follow this quest. We work with a sponsor or fellow traveler who has walked this walk before. We discover our ineffective behavior patterns and become willing to change. We don't get stuck on blaming our parents and the generations before them.

Slowly, the ACA Promises come true. As we work our program, we develop those characteristics and learn to breathe and love life. We play again. We become healthier and have healthier relationships with ourselves, our families, our friends and community. We become sponsors and help others through the swamps, gently and tenderly, the way we were shown. With the help of our Higher Power, we discover we had the "ruby slippers" all along!

On this day I continue to do the work that helps me discover more aspects of my healthy True Self.