Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am wondering if we should put together some suggestions that we can pool from to help the new people on the site. Maybe there already is one...
But I will start off with my suggestion, and if you feel you have a good one add it here. Then we could cut and paste when we here those words.
Suggestion
1. Make sure to eat and sleep. If you can't sleep grab a PM. This vital to survival mode which you may find yourself in.
But I will start off with my suggestion, and if you feel you have a good one add it here. Then we could cut and paste when we here those words.
Suggestion
1. Make sure to eat and sleep. If you can't sleep grab a PM. This vital to survival mode which you may find yourself in.
When you feel really blue ... force yourself to SMILE, even when alone.
I find that often my mind will follow my body. Smiling seems to trigger something.
...and if someone else sees that smile and returns a smile, that is very positive moment in my day.
Sometimes I force myself to smile when I am driving to get my mind to follow my smile. It helps. I have no idea why. This a "fake it until you make it" tip that seems to help me.
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.
Everyone will react differently to divorce. There are common stages you will go through. Stages much like those we experience at the death of a loved one. Knowing what to expect will help you find your way through the stages but nothing takes the negative feelings away.
Just like with grief of any kind it is common to move back and forth between the stages. You may find some of the stages easier to navigate than others. The thing to remember is that you eventually make your way through to healing and hope.
Emotional Stages of Divorce:
Denial:
You find it hard to believe this is happening to you. You refuse to accept that the relationship is over and struggle with trying to find solutions to the marital problems. You will spend time believing that if you do or say the right thing your spouse will come home.
You hate feeling out of control of the destiny of your marriage. You will be convinced that divorce is not the solution to the marital problems.
Shock:
You will feel panic, rage, and numbness or like you are going crazy. You will swing between despair that your marriage is over and hope that it will be restored. It will seem impossible to cope with these feelings
You will experience some common fears when thinking about your future alone. You will wonder how you are going to survive. Will you ever find love again, will the pain ever end or will you feel this way the rest of your life are all feelings you will experience during this stage.
Rollercoaster:
You cant seem to settle your feelings and thoughts. You swing from being hopeful to feeling utter despair. During this stage, you will try to intellectualize what has happened. If you can only understand what is going on then the pain will go away and all will make sense again.
You will tell yourself stories to try to make sense of it and your imagination will run wild. You will wonder if there was more you could have done, or if there is anything wrong with you. Maybe your spouse never even loved you. You will wonder if your entire marriage was a lie.
There is a lot of mental re-hashing during this period. You will fill as if you cant control your thinking and find yourself obsessed with the failure of your marriage. Depression is a danger at this stage and you may cry at the drop of a hat.
Bargaining:
You are still holding onto the hope that your marriage will be restored. There is a willingness to change anything about yourself or doing anything and that if you could just get it right, your spouse would return. The important thing to learn during this stage is that you cant control the thoughts, desires or actions of another human being.
Letting Go:
During this stage you will finally realize that the marriage is over, that there is nothing you can do or say to change that. You will become more willing to forgive the faults of your ex spouse and take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the marriage. You will begin to feel a sense of liberation and some hope for the future.
Acceptance
The obsessive thoughts have stopped, the need to heal your marriage is behind you and you begin to feel as if you can and will have a fulfilling life. Suddenly you are looking ahead and not behind you, you are making plans and following through with them.
You will open up to the idea of finding new interests. This is a period of growth where you will discover that you have strengths and talents and are able to go forward in spite of the fear you feel.
Your pain gives way to hope and you discover that there is life after divorce and the future is made brighter due to the pain you have suffered.
By T. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don\'t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have
continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can\'t make them stay. Let them go.
And it doesn\'t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you\'ve got to know when people\'s part in your story is over so that you don\'t keep trying to raise the dead.
You\'ve got to know when it\'s dead.
You\'ve got to know when it\'s over. Let me tell you something. I\'ve got the gift of good-bye. It\'s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It\'s not that I\'m hateful, it\'s that I\'m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He\'ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don\'t need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn\'t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to .....
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can\'t treat you right, love you back, and
see your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you .........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents .....
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you\'re stuck in the past and God is trying to take
you to a new level in Him......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken
relationship.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won\'t even try
to help themselves......
LET IT GO!!!
If you\'re feeling depressed and stressed .......
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so
used to handling yourself
and God is saying "take your hands off of it,"
then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for you!
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left
.. think about it, and then ....
LET IT GO!!!
"The Battle is the Lord\'s!"
MARCH
MARCH
Thank you thank you so much! Little sections of it, I\'ve thought about, but didn\'t honor in myself. I copied it and will read it often, till that reach that "sigh" level.
I love that mantra, Let it go...
I thought I had mine from the Beatles:
"let it be", but not true, can\'t let it be, until you let it go!!!
Blondie
1 If I speak with the languages of men and of angels, but don\'t have love, I have become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but don\'t have love, I am nothing. 3 If I dole out all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body to be burned, but don\'t have love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love is patient and is kind; love doesn\'t envy. Love doesn\'t brag, is not proud, 5 doesn\'t behave itself inappropriately, doesn\'t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; 6 doesn\'t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will be done away with. Where there are various languages, they will cease. Where there is knowledge, it will be done away with. 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; 10 but when that which is complete has come, then that which is partial will be done away with. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become a man, I have put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, even as I was also fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, and love remain--these three. The greatest of these is love.
Find a good therapist
Talk to friends
Visualize a positive future for yourself. If it helps, draw a picture or cut pictures out of magazines or print them from the internet. Wherever you would like to see yourself in the next six months, year, whatever--concentrate on it! (I saw myself out in nature, enjoying friends and enjoying life again and performing the songs I am writing!)