Be careful how much time you sdpend a lone. Some of that can be very healing, but only in moderation. Surround yourself with people who love you and activities you love.

thanks for the suggestions

What a great "book of Ideas"
Here's one I didn't see~

EAT MORE CHOCOLATE THE DARK KIND~

Chocolate and the Nervous System

Adam Drewnowski at the University of Michigan researched whether chocolate triggers the production of opioids. Opioids are chemicals, such as those found in opium, that produce a feeling of well-being (euphoria). Drewnowski found that eating chocolate causes the brain to produce natural opiates, which dulI pain and increase a feeling of well-being. If the receptors in the brain that signal the presence of opioids were blocked, chocolate bingeing decreased. It was not shown, however, if this was caused by the high fat or sugar content of chocolate candy.

Researchers at the Neurosciences Institute in San Diego, Emmanuelle diTomaso (she's now at Harvard University) and Daniele Piomelli (he's now at the University of California, Irvine) looked into the chemical components of chocolate. They found three substances in chocolate that "could act as cannabinoid mimics either directly (by activating cannabinoid receptors) or indirectly (by increasing anandamide levels)." What do all these big words mean? A little background information may help make this more understandable.

A receptor is a structure on the surface of a cell that interacts with certain chemicals. Receptors have different shapes, and thus interact with specific molecules. diTomaso describes this interaction like this: "the active compound will lock itself to the protein and that triggers a reaction inside the cell." Cannabinoids are substances that act like cannabis, also known as marijuana. The active chemical in marijuana is called tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), and there are receptors in the brain that bind THC. When THC binds to these receptors, the person feels "high." Anandamide is a lipid that is normally found in the brain; it can bind to the same receptors as THC and thus produce a similar effect to "being high."

SOURCE:
http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/choco.html


m

This is awesome. I think a link should be given to all newbies, right up front. So very helpful and insightful.

How you choose to handle a separation is very important because of the effect it will have on the rest of your life. If you do not deal with the pain, and if you allow yourself to become bitter, you will be unhappy for a very long time. Let go of your bitterness and anger. Try to look at the separation as an opportunity to re-examine your abilities, your assets and your dreams, and to make the changes necessary for a new, full and rewarding life.

Most people who have gone through a separation and divorce have felt the same way you do now, and most have ended up stronger than before. However, while you are going through the experience, you will need coping skills and emotional support.

Here are some things you can do:

Talk to someone you trust. Talking to a family member or close friend can give you an outlet for your frustration and anger. Be careful not to burden your children with these feelings. Be sure you can trust the person to keep your secrets so that you can feel free to share your deepest concerns. You may find that a person who has been through a separation or divorce is the best one to offer support.

Keep a familiar routine for yourself and your children. It is very important to have a sense of stability at a time of such major and painful change. This is especially important for your children: the more their world stays the same, the better they will be able to cope with the changes they will have to make.

Keep the lines of communication open with your children. They need to know that they are not losing the love and support of either parent, and that they are not responsible for your separation or divorce. Talk openly to them about your new living arrangements.

Stay healthy. You may find yourself forgetting to eat regularly and staying up late worrying. This could lead to a loss of energy and illness at a time when you most need to be on top of things. Keep yourself in good health by eating regular meals and getting enough sleep. You should also try to get regular exercise.

Learn some methods for coping with stress. There are many good books you can read on coping with stress, and you may also find some information on relaxation techniques helpful. Check with your local library and bookstore.

Keep in mind the old saying, "One day at a time." Deal with your separation and the unexpected problems and feelings it creates by asking yourself, "What do I need to do today?" Try not to worry about things you cannot do anything about until next week or next month. When the time comes, deal with them just like the others - one day at a time.

Avoid making major decisions until your life has become more settled. Some decisions have to be made quickly, such as housing and school arrangements for the children, and, if you have not been working, getting a job. However, you can put off many decisions until "the dust has settled." It may be best to give yourself some time before deciding on a career change, moving to another community, going back to school or getting involved with someone new.

Allow yourself the time you need to heal. Your family and friends may encourage you to "cheer up" and "get on with life" before you are ready. Generally, this happens because people who care about you feel distressed at seeing you unhappy. Although their concern is understandable, you must take whatever time you need to heal. Losing a marriage, no matter how difficult it may have been, still causes wounds, and you will need time to grieve. Give yourself quiet times alone in which you can think, cry, or simply be by yourself.

Get professional help when you need it. You will face many legal and emotional problems along with separation and divorce, and you will probably need professional help. For legal matters, seek the help of a lawyer. If you are experiencing severe emotional stress, your family doctor can help you find a counsellor. You may also find it helpful to talk to a member of the clergy for your religion. Make sure you use these services when you need them; ignore the desire to "tough it out" on your own.

Look for support in your community. There may be workshops and self-help groups in your community which can help you in this difficult time.

bump

Bumping

There's a lot of Newbies..... http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/welcome-to-bud

A newbie asked for the manual..... so here it is....

Denial, anger, fear of unknown are common emotions will go through. Sometimes it feels like you will not be able to survive this. Make a plan to take care of yourself. For me this meant counselor, sleeping pills, journaling, online and in person support group (Divorcecare is national group), reading articles on DS, volunteering at something I love. I have met wonderful, caring people on this board who are working hard to move through this. I learn alot from their postings and journals. You can create, positive connections on this board which will assist you and accompany you through this deeply painful experience.

Make a list of things you like to do and visit locations where the activity takes place and there you will eventually meet other people that have the same interests. It is easier to strike up conversations when you have common interests and you might learn or teach something. Even if it is casual conversation at least you are for that moment not lonely.

I read a bunch, but honestly, not all. I did not see this in the 10 or so pages i read...

Don't just reach out for help.

Help others. Share your experience and what you've learned and remember it's not just for you. When we help others, the pain we suffered thru takes meaning and becomes a common source of strength...that what we went thru wasn't for naught. Serve your community!!

I'm new here and I already find your advice very real and supportive.
Thx for the tips.

I havent read all of the posts but Ill add mine here so if its a repeat...sorry.

"Start by going through all your emotions and know this is all part of the grieving process. Forgiving yourself means accepting the pass as it is. Talk about what happened it will make you feel better, Journal your day, Exercise and breath ( I highly recommending YOGA and spending time outside breathing fresh air), know that the you'll be on a rollercoaster of emotions (ride with with the flow its natural. Think of it as part of the healing process just like when you are sick), Join online support groups and see a therapist (it really helps to know that you are not ALONE going through the process. Everybody is different but it is same "PAIN",a therapist will you to think of focusing on you), Do No Contact for awhile (this helps with focusing on you. Remember there is really nothing you can say that will change the other person mind.You need to give each other space. LET IT GO), Read self help books (I highly recommend this free ebook called "Mars and Venus Starting Over by John Grey a must read!), Go to seminars or workshops that build on confidence, LISTEN to people who are needing somebody to vent to ( it does help getting your mind off of you and just paying attention to somebody else), Lastly, im overcoming my pain by looking at it as a death. Its sad but to me there is no other way at looking at it. You cant hold on to something that is gone so you have to hold your head up high and continue pressing on....."

It takes lots of time to forgive yourself, maybe forever,, but I do know I feel much better and life is easier and feel like the healing is definately taking place. i recently had some contact with my ex whom I have the forgiving with myself, my Mother passed and I called to tell her the sad news. We talked about our jobs and things in our life, it was nice to talk to her, but at the same time some sadness and forgiving issues cropped up again, I am feeling stronger about who I am and feeling better about forgiving myself,, so I want all of you to know time does soothe...