Look into a mirror.

Whatever comes to mind at that moment, mentally deal with just that issue, as you continue to look into the mirror.

It works.

learn the phrase - IT DOESNT MATTER

i had it taped to my fridge

anytime thoughts of where he was or what he was doing..learned to say doesnt matter

standing in the line at the gorcery store not long ago - started thinking..said out loud right there and then DOESNT MATTER

Thank you. This was really helpful and insightful!

I will re-read it often.

Rebeckah

This was really helpful thanks!

This is great for a newcomer like myself... Thank you.

Well, i didn't see it in most of the responses i read, but here's what worked for me.Sure, eat right, pray, exercise, yada yada yada. I work out daily and i'm a gym rat already lol Fact of the matter is, my first wife cheated on me and the kids and the second wife had everyone fooled thinking she wasready for marriage and a family...WRONG!

So...i went to the gym and got in a great, heavy, ball busting workout, went home (i left her and got a place of my own) to shower, went to a shooting range i go to and fired off about 100 rounds (nothing like the smell of gunpowder :) ) called up an old gf and then went to my favorite little watering home with her, got drunk and then took her home and got laid!

Hey, different strokes for different folks, right? lol Believe me, it does work :)

The more you talk it out ,
with friends , coworkers , family, DS, a journal,
the more sense you will begin to make of it, and the better you will feel.

And don't forget to sing at the top of your lungs to your favourite songs.

I do believe you all have just changed my life. I have read every single post on every single page and just want to say thank you all so much for the tips and advice. My problem right now is the no contact rule. We have 2 small children and my oldest is in his first year of school. So I had agreed to stay until he finished the year out (in two months). But after reading this I know that is not possible. I need the Least amount of contact at this time. However the bad news is I am moving in with his mom until i cant get back on my feet. Will this help or hender. Should I go ahead and get mine own apartment with my kids or would it be better to accept what little support i have? My mind is so boggled right now that i dont know what is even best for me. But you have given me a lot to think about! Thank You!!!!

Wow - these are all great! I laughed and cried while reading this whole thread. I'm new here and I can't tell you how reading here has made me feel better about things. I feel like my whole world was turned upside down and inside out. I'm having a hard time getting through it all but I did start counseling and I have a great support system of family and friends.
Thanks to all of you for your wonderful contributions. I think I'm gonna like it here!

i'm glad this came back up (altho it means someone new came in sorry for that) but been thinking lately

dont get your mail on the weekends..let it stay in the mailbox til sunday night or even monday..

weekends suck

one you are thinking there will be a i miss you letter (it never comes)

or 2 something legal from the divorce comes..

weekends are hard enough make them mail free - that really helped me

All - well most - of these are definitely things that got me through too. Like msde, it was good to have a phrase to break into the monotonous thinking. Mine was "no more" - just no more as in I wasn't going to take it anymore, I wasn't going to hurt myself anymore, I just wasn't going to do the same old thing anymore.

If your "mutual friends' reach out to you ACCEPT IT. They are there for you but if you don't accept their help or invites to coffee or stay in touch, they may think you no longer want them in your life. Try to keep them close if that's what you want. It hurts like hell a year later when the x has all the friends because you didn't keep the friendships going. It's like grieving the loss all over again.

i disagree with serenity somewhat..i say unless you can trust them to not tell your secrets (i had a master plan) or you can trust them not to talk about your stbx (it only makes the hurt last longer to hear about the xs life) i say cut the mutual friends out of your life...it hurts like hell - almost as bad as losing the x.BUT unless a mutual friend is a gazzionlith (there isnt a real word like that but the percentage should be that high)behind you - cut off contact..it will only prolong the pain

I'm brand new here and just finished reading all these posts. I thank everyone who posted with such compassion and so generously offered what worked for them. Thanks to you all.

This manual was done in 3/08 That is when it was a better BU/DG. I see alot are gone.