That's awesome :) You remember it takes a while to build up awareness and motivation. You can do it!

Counting percentages is so helpful when it is difficult to be totally pull free. You are doing great!

Thinking of you.

How are you doing?

Urgh, not well.

I'm starting again today. x

Lolz, join the club :) xo

Here's to day 1 :)

I'm doing badly too, I hope you are doing better!

Thinking of you....

Hi guys,

Sorry I haven't been here for ages - I've had ICT issues and been travelling etc. But I have a shiny new laptop andI've bookmarked this page with a reminder to visit daily.

Brief history:

Trich from early teens - pulling constantly until I started my first PF in 2011.
PF from March 2011-Jan 2013
Relapse and 100% pulling again from Jan 2013-Aug 2014 and no amount of willpower stopped it.
PF now for 36 days.

Do you know what I hate? Its the fact I don't think I have any control over being pullfree or not. I started my pullfree ast month, without really trying to. It has sincebeen fairly easy to be pullfree, like when I was last pullfree, the first few months were quite easy. But once trich decided I was going to pull again it was like I had no control and really really didn't. I used every strategy but failed, failed and failed.

So now, I'm regrowing my hair again. I will hopefully be able to get it cut and wear it loose again soon as I hopefully didn't do much damage.

But...

in a few weeks, months, or years, trich will want me. And I don't think I will be able to stop.

URGH>

Sorry rant over. I'm off to catch up with y'all. xxx

Mrs. Kolo, so glad to see you again, and best wishes on making it through to more good days!

Hang in there, we're all in this together! Hugs instead of tugs! Hope you enjoyed your traveling! Shiny new lap-top, whoo, hoo!

Hi hi! Hmm. I waver between that perspective and the other perspective (that we CAN control trich - obviously with a lot of work). Hmm.

I'm glad you have renewed energy to fight trich again. And I'm happy to have you back in the group again!

I so feel what you are saying about feeling like trich is out of your control. I have had quite long PFs in the past, and while some of it was due to hard work and staying vigilant and all of that, it was also due to those periods just being easier for whatever reason. I find it so hard to pick up on real patterns involving my trich behavior. It changes all the time. Sometimes I find it hard to be proud of myself for being PF because I'm not actually resisting urges...they just aren't there. When they return my motivation is often questionable. There is some element of control, but the willpower and CONSTANT vigilance and motivation are a huge commitment. Do the best you can! We're all right there with you.

I can identify with everything you wrote Manda! Me too.

What I keep hearing, from people who have recovered long term, is that often a lifestyle change is required. And a change in thinking too. Then, once the mind is in balance, recovery is possible. Eg acceptance, no longer beating ourselves up, feeling complete whether we are pulling or not, etc etc etc. It makes sense.

Nice to meet you! Your pull-free period lasted a long time. Do you remember the day you relapsed? I really believe it is helpful to examine the transition periods. I think our greatest clues come from not just the triggers but the mindsets that accompany the decision to throw in the towel after an unconscious pull. When we are fully conscious, what are we telling ourselves that allows us to continue and rationalize or justify the behavior that we are trying to end? I'm talking about the first pull after an unconscious slip...

I see Trich as an addiction. More on that later.

Have a good day!

I do remember my relapse pull. It was in Jan 2013, it was the day I cleaned my mother in law's flat up after she had a fall and died in there. Gross hey?