lost4heart
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- The warmth of your hugs, your breath on my face. So safe in your arms, lying with my head on your chest. Your smell... Listening to your heartbeat, it was always one, two, skip a few... The tenderness of your touches, your need to constantly be in...
- This should probably be in my journal but I find when I put it "out there" to the rest of you, I find healing in letting it go. As if it leaves my circle and can either evaporate or hopefully touch someone else so that they too don't feel so...
- A dear friend of mine made a comment today that made me stop in my tracks and realise that she is quite right! I felt guilty for the all the things that I should've, would've, could've done and of course for any feelings that I might have had where...
- Raininseattle posted this on another topic chat, but I just had to copy it to a new topic to give it the attention it deserves. It has touched me so profoundly today as I try to make sense of who I am since Mark has gone. And the profound effect he...
- 9 Months tonight. I need to write this: I need to confess it: I need to own it. I was so irritated with Mark for about 2 weeks before he died..... constantly irritated. His fanatical shopping was at a point that I couldn't handle. He was being his...
- I just need to clear this off my chest. I have no one to talk to. Forgive my ramblings. Out of friendliness I introduced myself to a guy that is new in our congregation. I had noticed that several people knew him and greeted him like a regular but I...
- I have had a spate of days that are enough to make me quit. My car has broken down 4 separate times. First with the Gearshift selection mechanism. Then shocks. Then the steering rack. Then my computer blue screen and crash dumped. Then I had a huge...
- Head down, merely walking along the beach, marvelling at the tiniest seashells, exquisite designs so like each of our intricately designed personas, unique delicate colours. Able to withstand the harshest waves crashing all around them, shimmering,...
- What I wish for more than anything is just one more chance to hold him, to look into his blue, blue eyes and tell him how much I love him, how much I loved being his wife, sharing his joys and lows, being his lover, that he was my life, my true love...
- I can feel little pieces of myself returning to me. That I almost feel like "normal" me from my previous life. HAHA! Today I have been happy, trying new things, laughing, excited (about our puppy) and enjoying a beautiful day. I have had snippets...
- I realized tonight that I have a huge amount of resentment against my Mark. And immediately guilt of course. He promised me forever. He left early. As if he had a say! But as stupid as this is I recognize that this feeling is there. I'm angry that...
- I'm just rambling today because I don't feel like I know who I am at all anymore. Since yesterday I have become almost detached from the whole scenario. It just doesn't make logical sense to be upset or emotional about it anymore because nothings...
- Dear Friends. May I ask you all a personal question? I had to start working with Mark at his weakest. We had no choice. We'd used up all our savings. I had 2 small kids. Aged 3 & 8. I'd go to work and panic if I'd find him alive when I get home....
- I feel as if I'm going to go insane if I contemplate the depth of reality. He is gone. Someone described it to me like we're all on the train of life. And Mark is just in the sleeping cabin while I'm in the dining cart.I have been promising the kids...
- To everyone who has shared their pain here. Its consoling to know you have these feelings too. I'm not alone. And those further along in the grieving process who have good advice.... thank you. And those who show us that survival is possible. Even...