Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
A dear friend of mine made a comment today that made me stop in my tracks and realise that she is quite right!
I felt guilty for the all the things that I should've, would've, could've done and of course for any feelings that I might have had where I was annoyed, or impatient, with Mark, etc. You know what I mean, as I think all Survivors Guilt addicts understand what I am referring to here.
And she said: "I am going to ask you to allow yourself to have those feelings, knowing that at the time that you experienced them, you needed to feel them, needed to use them to make you strong enough to cope with what you had to deal with then. It does not define you as a person, or define the nature of the relationship that you shared with your dear husband." Now funny thing is, I can't do it for myself, but maybe I can do it because she asked me to.
"it was just necessary for a time, so that you could learn and grow and work through that time period, that challenge, that emotion or stress". Now those feelings are gone, you do not remain that person either. You have moved on and you are still the loving, caring, giving person that you were before. That small time period doesn't replace / undo years of love.
We do the best we can within the circumstances that are dealt to us, You cannot undo any of it. So let it be, let it heal over, stop picking at the scab and remember the love that came before and after and not just that small time period / moment of regret in your life. It is not a true reflection of you or your love.
How she touched my heart today. And made me realise how much I have to be thankful for. More so the people who are still in my everyday.
And let me pass this forward to say THANK YOU to all of you who have listened to my ups and downs and given valued advice. As we all travel this journey of self-discovery, rebuilding, repentance, restitution and creation of hope.
Take care and I wish you all a Beautiful Day, today.
xx
Yolanda
I felt guilty for the all the things that I should've, would've, could've done and of course for any feelings that I might have had where I was annoyed, or impatient, with Mark, etc. You know what I mean, as I think all Survivors Guilt addicts understand what I am referring to here.
And she said: "I am going to ask you to allow yourself to have those feelings, knowing that at the time that you experienced them, you needed to feel them, needed to use them to make you strong enough to cope with what you had to deal with then. It does not define you as a person, or define the nature of the relationship that you shared with your dear husband." Now funny thing is, I can't do it for myself, but maybe I can do it because she asked me to.
"it was just necessary for a time, so that you could learn and grow and work through that time period, that challenge, that emotion or stress". Now those feelings are gone, you do not remain that person either. You have moved on and you are still the loving, caring, giving person that you were before. That small time period doesn't replace / undo years of love.
We do the best we can within the circumstances that are dealt to us, You cannot undo any of it. So let it be, let it heal over, stop picking at the scab and remember the love that came before and after and not just that small time period / moment of regret in your life. It is not a true reflection of you or your love.
How she touched my heart today. And made me realise how much I have to be thankful for. More so the people who are still in my everyday.
And let me pass this forward to say THANK YOU to all of you who have listened to my ups and downs and given valued advice. As we all travel this journey of self-discovery, rebuilding, repentance, restitution and creation of hope.
Take care and I wish you all a Beautiful Day, today.
xx
Yolanda
I also admire the earthbound Spirits that have allowed themselves to grow from learning that...like you just did today.
It is so nice to have a friend that understands.