Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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lost4heart 05/01/2016

I feel as if I'm going to go insane if I contemplate the depth of reality. He is gone. Someone described it to me like we're all on the train of life. And Mark is just in the sleeping cabin while I'm in the dining cart.

I have been promising the kids that we will get a puppy. Soon. One day. And I realized I need the puppy more than they do. If I don't break my cycle I'm not going to survive. I hope having something more to love will help. We're going to get her on Thursday. A miniature Dachshund.

I knew there would come a time without Mark. But I was so naive about what it would entail. Emotionally and physically. In the last two weeks I have started to sit still. I couldn't do that before because I couldn't bear to think. Now I don't know if I'm ever going to get my desire to live back.

I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. Then I realized that you spent the rest of your life with me. You loved me till your last breath.
You used to tell me:
If I could do it over again I'd meet you sooner, so that I could love you longer.
How am I going to survive this? It seems to be getting worse.

rbar321 05/01/2016

So sorry for the loss of your beloved Mark and I know it feels like you have been stabbed in the heart, adding a little girl to your family may help your kids and maybe even yourself. One thing for sure a Pup will give you some joy and lots of laughs.

Take Care Robert

roysjoy 05/01/2016

Darling lady I feel your pain from the bottom of my heart,I know there is little I can say that will help.Stay strong for the sake of your children.I am sure the puppy will take a little of the pain from your soul.What more can I say to console you ?I am feeling the same pain as you after 9 months .You are not alone there are many people thinking of you.I'm sure your pup will keep you busy and bring a little light back into your life.Be strong ,Roy.

cgriff4ever 05/01/2016

I do understand, when my husband died, I was diagnosed with ptsd, then months laster mild depression. I made it through both, without any drugs, other than a small mg of anti anxiety, but only when I really needed it, maybe a dozen times, if even that I have good days now, but still have bad days. I found that in the begining I went on, with what sean wouldve wanted for me, now Im moving foward for me, more so now. I think, Sean wouldve wanted me happy, stressing less, and loving others, friends, family etc. until those treasures are gathered for the day I leave this earth. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Be gentle on yourself, and know that he loves you, and wants what is best for you, your happiness. He is still there in spirit... Much love and big hugs carla

lost4heart 05/01/2016

Thank you for the kind sweet replies. I am sure it is the right decision to get her. I just don't know that I can take care of one more little soul. I feel like I can hardly take care of myself at the moment. But I thought it would give me a reason to want to be at home again. I don't like weekends or afternoons anymore. Except that I want to be with my kids. I need home to feel like home again. Where there is love and laughter again. I think that's a big job for such a little thing. :) but I need big help. I'm scared, lonely, lost and so alone.

snowalone 05/01/2016

definitely get the doggie. and keep sending us your thoughts. love and prayers and peace to you, dear woman.

you are not alone kind of this way. nanne

Lisastp 05/02/2016

Your new puppy will take care of you too! It's a two way street with doggies and yes it is hard to get up and take care of them first thing every morning and last thing every night, but they give so much more than they take! She will bring new life to your home.

lost4heart 05/07/2016

I just wanted to share an unusual reaction that I really didn't expect. We got our baby girl Juno today. She is the funniest cutest little black and tan miniature Dachshund. The kids have been laughing at her all day. It was so beautiful to hear my daughter's peels of laughter. I haven't heard this in a very long time. Not to such abandonment.
Yet what surprised me when we collected Juno I was incredibly heartsore in that moment. I think because we were kind of moving forward without him within our family. And it hurt. Like crazy. Strange how the mind works. Love and peace to you all. Xx

sienna9 05/07/2016

So sorry for your loss, but I am happy to hear your new puppy brought you some joy, :-). I have 3 cats, they bring me alot of comfort during this time, it will be 1 month Monday since Vic passed.
When I find myself thinking "how am I going to survive this", and I often do, I just have to refocus and think "I can't" but with God's help, I will, and I just have to keep trusting Him on that and take it one day at a time. When I change my thinking, the pain subsides, if I get my focus on "me'" and "how", I can easily fall into despair and self-pity and I know I can't afford to do that.

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