Dear Lost4Heart,
I'm not sure I ever have it together again as you say, I would say it differently. It has been 4 1/2 years for me that my soulmate has died and I think of him every single day for one reason or another. For my part I would compare it to a wound that was raw and bleeding (for at least 1 year- crying myself to sleep every night, not eating, sleeping very little - you get the picture) then the wound is not bleeding any more (able to go out socially at family functions without bursting in tears) and now it is like a bruise which still hurts once in a while when I bump myself on it (Xmas, birthdays, anniversaries). At 4 1/2 years I still awake knowing that something is different, then I remember he is gone. BUT, I am able to smile, work a bit (part time) and I am able to think of him without bursting in tears. I read it somewhere and I believe it is true: grief is like an ocean wave - a rogue wave - out of nowhere it can come and hit you and try to pull you back in the deep ocean of depression - but your emotional legs will get stronger and help you stand and not be pulled out to the dark ocean. I realize that what has helped me is the fact that I allowed myself to be alone to cry, scream, throw myself on the ground like a child and have a tantrum for months. I was fortunate that I was able to do that and not have to go to work and face people. Then I read about complicated grief and I was afraid of heading down that path. One advice they gave was after you have given yourself time - and I don't mean like a few weeks, but really time - to grieve and you have to function again in society, allow yourself to let go when the rogue wave comes but only at a specific time and for a specific amount of time. I thought it was horrible advice. How can you control your grief???? I tried it. When in the morning I had to make my own coffee (he used to make it for me) and I wanted to burst in tears, I said no, not now. Later today at the end of my chores (one has to clean the house and do laundry at one point!). And I would schedule my outburst for the end of the day for 10 minutes. After a while I was ok and didn't have to do that but it was after a long while. In conclusion, there is a time for everything. For now, grieve you need to. Then, slowly and surely, start walking on your wobbly emotional legs. They will get stronger. Sending you through this wonderful world of the internet my brightest light and strength to you today. You can do it - at your own rhythm. Peace, Driftersoul

This month will be 9 months. It comes in waves. A few weeks ago I was heading for another wave of major grieving and my wife Lyn visited me one afternoon as I slept. She was able to communicate to me that she knew what I had been going thru, but before she could finish something woke me up. But it left me feeling better. My grief and sadness was gone for several days before creeping back In again. But it helps me to replay the memory of that visit in my heart and it brings me hope. I now don't just believe my wife is in paradise I know it for certain. I feel now I can move forward even though it is going to be a tough road, I know she is there and wants me to be happy however I can. Take care.
Peace, Tim

Lost, There will be a time, when you may start living for your husband, what he would REALLY want for you, if he was here, or could talk to you now. He would want happiness for you, he would want you to love family, friends etc.. He would want you to carry on in his memory. I dont think any of us, would ever say we have it all together, so to speak, but you do start to slowly put your pieces back together. In the beginning, I too was exactly like you, didn't want anything but the before back. I started to accept the whole truth, he was in heaven and that he no longer needed this physical world, but I do, because I am still here. So I started living for sean, as if he was here, still reminding me to not worrry, and stop stressing, and to smile, and enjoy life. Then I started missing him holding my hand, kissing me, our just laying there talking times, and realized, that I dont want to lay down, wither away, and not have special treasures to take with me when I leave this earth. So I started doing things for others, giving them things, donating, helping others, then I realized, now there are things id like to do before I die. Such as go on a trip, have a friend to talk to, more than talking to my bestfriend who is not here anymore, and to live some. Now, I think I'm transitioning into, perhaps I wouldnt mind dating someone, having someone to make me feel safe. I still go back forth dailiy, not sure what my future holds. I will say this, Im going to start living, instead of dying inside, sean would not have wanted that for me, and so I push forward, each day, putting a piece back together. As time goes on, you may or may not ever want to be with anyone else, but you will start living a little, if ever for the sake of the fact that your sweet husband would want you happy. Just my 2 cents worth, sorry for rambling. Much love and big hugs carla

Dear Lost, I lost my husband on 6/14/15. He passed of a heart attack in his sleep and I found him. I've been through every emotion crying, screaming .asking why, feeling guilty. It's been almost eleven months now. I'm finding I'm a pretty strong old broad. I'm grateful for the all the years we had together and for our daughters. You are just starting this journey that no one wants to go on, but change is constant whether we want it or not. Be kind to yourself, make no excuses for how you are feeling to others. This is a great place to come there are some wonderful understanding people here. Who all share in your grieve. Peace, Gail.

Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transition to finally letting go of sorrow.
It is not a permanent rest stop..........Dodinsky.

I could have written this and probably did write something very similar after my husband died. You are not alone in your feelings and a great many of us have felt or are feeling the same. I "knew" I would never date again. I wanted him back, not someone else. This is the hardest part of losing someone who means everything to you. I felt that my life died with him. Take care of you and know we're here and understand. Sharon

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I'm glad you reached out here. I think that what you're experiencing are normal stages of grief. As others have said, give yourself permission to grieve your way and in your timing.

There are a couple of Bible verses that have helped me on my own journey of healing:

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Something that's helped me is plugging in to my church's outreaches: mission trip, homeless outreach, joining a life group. These are little steps that at one time seemed scary and impossible. And although it was scary to step out alone, I'm so glad I did.

Praying you'll find comfort and healing...

Thank you. I enjoyed my bible study this evening and feel refreshed. Maybe tomorrow is a better day. Thank you all for your caring kindness. Xx