Years ago, Marylou had an uncle who had been a widower for over 20 years...at the time he was close to 80, his 3 sons were all over 50, he had some grandkids and a couple of greats...lived in southern Ohio and I got to know him through Marylou, nicest guy you'd ever want to meet...he took up with a lady friend, and there was no indication that it was anything more...his sons shunned him for it, and cut him off from his grandkids...20-YEARS!
Well, Marylou shunned his sons and I fully backed her on it...that to me is a big lesson on not letting other people tell us how to live our lives...you are still very young, and so are your kids...have this conversation with them...life is totally unpredictable...let them know that it is impossible that anyone could ever replace your husband and their dad...but you may have well over half your life still in front of you...do the people who love you really expect you to be a hermit for the rest of your life?
There is nothing to say that you cannot have platonic friendships without the expectation of something more...but
what if "something more" comes your way out of the clear blue? Would you deny yourself the chance of happiness for fear of judgement?
Have that conversation with your kids.
Everybody else? Tell 'em to take a long walk off a short pier.

My experience has been that the people I have loved have come from out of the blue, unexpectedly. Take this experience with this man as a good thing. It has started a dialogue inside yourself which will lead you to further self discovery. It will help you along the path to who you are and what you want. Of course you don't want anyone but Mark and this has once again painful reminded you that he is not here. You may never want anyone else and that is ok if that is what is. But I think for a lot of us we need to get to a place where we don't NEED anyone else, then we can approach new relationships from a place of calm, clear, considered judgment. Relax and take this time to pause and reflect on what is ok for you right now. Don't overthink about tomorrow.

Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it. Today I felt as if life is moving ahead with or without my sayso. My son is playing up at school and fibbing about it. I just seem to be playing catch up with life and feelings....

What a ride we're on!

I understand. I was talking with a girlfriend of mine last night and she was hesitant to tell me she was going on a first date with someone. She broke up with her boyfriend shortly after Chad passed, she said she heard me speak at his funeral and knew that she and that guy didn't have "that". She told me the way I spoke about him showed her a love she didn't know existed.

As we were talking and I was telling her that it was ok to be nervous and to not want anything more than a first date... I had the awful realization that I'm 30, and I'm going to have to do this again. I don't want to date anymore. I'm angry with him, I wasn't supposed to have to do this. I guess the long point of my rambling is, I understand. I don't want to do it someday either , I want Chad back, and someday I will have to learn to accept that I can't have that :(

After Don died and the constant pain and tears became a frequent visitor instead of a full time job I became very lonely. I had no desire to be with another, but wanted him and only him back. The realization that this wasn't a dream, but permanent brought me to my knees. It's not uncommon for us to feel this way. No one can replace what you lost, but in time you will find a place for your loss in your heart and live again in the way you choose. Hugs, Sharon

You will want to start over the day that you meet the right guy. Maybe it will happen and maybe it won't. But mark my words, you will know if he's the one and the time is right. Friendship first is a must....build a strong foundation on which to build a long lasting relationship.

Your children will want you to be happy. It may take handling the situation with kid gloves at times but it can be done. It is a betrayal to your children and Marks memory if you let your life stop due to his passing. Honor him by living well and carrying on your beliefs and goals.

You're in charge of your future. If you're not sure and are lost right now....that's okay.....time will show you the path in which to take. Be patient, grieve when you must but also allow yourself to enjoy life when the moment strikes you. Mark would want you to be happy....where ever and with whom ever if it's to be...Trust in his guidance and belive in yourself!
Love and strength to you!
Darcie

I would respond with the same words as Darcie.
I too am fighting feelings of guilt about even considering someone else. But I am blessed in the knowledge from conversations I'd had over the years with Linda. Whoever was left behind, we loved and still love each other enough to want what's best for them. And living completely alone and sad, would not be a wish either one of us would have for the other.
I have come to the conclusion that what really makes this so hard is that the fact that her leaving wasn't a choice. It was something that if given the choice neither one of us would leave the other. (This is what makes the difference between divorce folks want to compare and it's not the same, this is why). But that's not life. And in actuality we are not in control of the biggies such as physical death.
The way I look at living the rest of this life without Lyn is this. I have two choices, one to live in misery, grieving over her for years and accomplishing nothing and knowing she would be angry with me wasting it or take life by the horns and live the hell out of it the way Linda would want to if she were in my shoes. I know that when this physical life is over I will without any doubt in my mind see her again and all those who went before. So while waiting why not have a ball getting there? If that includes having someone else to share the remainder, than icing on the cake.
Physical death is as much a part of living as any other part we participate in. The one thing I would need from someone else would be their understanding that Linda will always occupy a certain part of my heart that will forever be hers and no one else's. And if they can't then time to move on. That simple. No worries.
As for the other person they will obviously have their special place that will belong to no other but them. No worries.
If I live alone then there is always friends, volunteering and a number of other things. Do I miss her? Like a vengeance. It hurts but I am healing just like she would want me to.
This is where I have gotten to during this journey to the end of the race. Even though it is a struggle, but life is a struggle.

Please take care everyone, Peace, Tim