Sorry I am whining. But you do have a button on the site that says "Report abuse" - I reckon the universe is beating up on me summing fierce! :-)

You have lots on your plate right now. Take a deep breath, you can do this. Take each task as it comes along and know you have the inner strength to get through. I know it feels like the world is caving in without out spouse but know you will get stronger and more confident over time. No water right now, but it will come back on soon. Get to the store and buy some gallons of water for the time being. I must admit, the "rat" would have put me over the edge. That event took lots of determination!! I am also "alone" handling every aspect of life and you are right it is not easy, but nobody else around to step up to the plate. We are all here for you.. You will get through these events.

I know that feeling, Lost4Heart -

" When it rains, it pours ! "

I have been going through an endless parade of negative
situations since my wife passed almost nine months ago. At
the same time, maybe I am feeling them more because she
is not here. Usually, with her by my side, I would always take
everything in stride. But, alone, it seems like I have a target
on my back. Stuff just keeps happening.

Hang in there.

Blessings -

Darrell

May I say thank goodness for the bonus or you would have been even further behind. I know it's hard but I try to find the glass 1/2 full it's makes things so much easier.
Stay strong. Hugs, Sandi

Your not whining.....your expressing yourself and how easily we feel defeated when we are trying to cope with the non stop pain of grief and life just keeps hitting us. Then we feel more alone than ever because the one person that would have helped make everything better is gone. It seemed like everything that could go wrong in the house and with the car did that first year. At first I would just sit down and cry and then as time went on I found myself looking at whatever it was, that was wrong and saying, Bring It on, I'll show you. Someday, in time you will reach that point. Until then, stay strong and keep expressing yourself, it helps. Take Care!

Every setback is personified a thousand times.I know it is because it is all on us,,,,we have to deal with it alone,,,no one to share the bad setbacks we have.., No one to turn to, to at least let off steamit is when I feel abandoned and the loneliness washes over me., it is a stark reminder we are alone.

You know what they say. CRAP HAPPENS!! It seems like it cycles.
When my wife passed. No life insurance so everything is out of pocket and my pockets like everyone else's are very shallow.
Next week the refrigerator completely shut down and I had to buy a new one. Then like you the good ole' car problems started bombarding me. Close to a thousand dollars I put out to repair it just to be told the engine now needs replacing. And back at the farm we have utilities and food and vet and rent and on and on and on.
It would be nice if life would stop long enough for us to at least adjust to what has just happened. We lost our partners, the ones who shared all this with us and together we would knock it out no worries.
Your not whining just overwhelmed and stressed out. It s a wonder any of us have our senses going thru this. After all we didn't ask for it.
But we will all make it thru. We have to. We never know what's going to come in on the next wave. You never know it could be something to make all this a little easier to deal with.
My prayers are with you and all.
Peace, Tim

Thank you all for your caring and kindness and letting me blow off steam. I am at home today because after taking puppy outside for a business @ 3am I fainted. I think it's low blood pressure. And here's the worst bit of my life. Mark was also my doctor in a way because he studied homeopathy when he lived in England and Switzerland. So after trying to test my sugar and blood pressure but both machines batteries were dead because he had used them last, 9 months ago, I took a remedy that I thought would work. Anyhow in my delirious state I saw Mark. He walked into the room. And I took one look at him and said thank goodness you are here now. I will be okay and slept. I survived. I feel like crap and taking myself off to the doctor. I always said life with Mark was full of surprises. I guess that's stayed the same. Love to you all.

There ya go! That's your sign! Mark knows that you are stronger than you think and braver than you know! He's always with you dear!
I call these events "sore seasons" and we all go through them...with or without or partners. They are however, more magnified when we are alone and we notice them more.
Hang in there, be strong and keep going. Mark just renewed your energy! Be thankful that the bonus helped and take care of the other things one at a time...
Strength, love and courage to you sweetie....the days will get brighter....keep the faith!

Darcie

Oh man, one thing after the other. Sometimes it just helps to tell others about it in order to feel like you are grounded somewhere. Nothing wrong with that..

Like it has been stated already: One thing at a time. What happened was out of your control, I know you want to keep grabbing for control but let go. The hope of your bonus let it go.

Damn rat, I had a stray cat do the same thing in my house. Amazing how an animal can climb and pretty much walk up a wall when it is cornered. Ruined a lot of my stuff too. Car, was falling apart too, rust. Worried the frame would separate from the body while I was driving it.

Things worked themselves out over time without a lot of effort from me put into worrying about it. Sorry you feel so alone. Me too.

Gearshift selector? Steering rack? Accelerator sensor? Shocks? That's alot of stuff to go wrong in such a short period of time.
Whenever a car has issues that were determined to be a designed-in malfunction, often the govt will force the factory to fix it by issuing a "service bulletin"...for example, if your car had a service bulletin on your steering rack, youvwould be able to take it to any dealer service dept. to be fixed at no cost to you...they are compelled by the U.S. Dept. of Commerce to make those repairs, and if they refuse to honor a service bulletin, that is tantamount to contempt of congress.
If you can get to a computer, do a google search of service bulletins for your make/model/year of your car, and have the long "vin#" (vehicle identification number) ready from the insid driver's door.
Won't cost anything to find out...it's worth a shot.

Thanks for that advice. I had a previous model of exactly the same car and it did have a factory recall on the steering rack issue but this was 4 years before. But it is definitely worth looking into and I thank you for the advice.

I was feeling so proud of my coping skills and all that I have managed to accomplish. There's a whole host of stuff I haven't even mentioned. But peculiarly I feel almost as if I'm realizing again for the first time that Mark is gone and he's not going to come back.

And I almost have a kind of panic attack. Has anyone else experienced this a few months down the line? I'm just short of 9 months. I would have thought that this level of "panic" should be over?

Take care of yourselves.
Xxx

Ihave been there, and just came out off there 3 weeks ago. Discovered a pinhole sized leak on my copper, hot water line, and so after jackhammering, and breaking up tiles, we had to lay lament wood, thank god we already had it from before sean passed away. so when it rains, it ours, and I get it, then the rain settles, and then there is a rainbow. It will get better.. I promise. Much love and big hugs carla

9 months was a very tough time for me. It was like a compressed version of all the emotions I had gone through in the previous months just hit all at the same time. It was pretty awful. I was up and down and all around, back and forth - I wrote about it way back then - here is a link to what I wrote:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/5553804-observations-911-months

I think you're going through some of the same stuff. I know - not a lot of comfort in knowing it happens to most of us at 9-11 months, but at least you know you're no crazier than the rest of us I guess.

I had car problems, house repairs, the neighbor from hell who kept trying to make my life miserable, a high stress job that I was having to hang onto tooth-and-nail because I had suddenly become a single parent to my two beautiful but autistic sons, abandoned by my in-laws and several so-called friends - oh yeah, those early days were a real freaking treat. I honestly don't know how I got through it other than sheer stubbornness some days. But I DID get through it, and you will, too. And it was worth it to keep going and not give up.

I am sorry it all seems like a mountain of problems right now. Don't give up - we're all rooting for you!

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thanks Martha. That's exactly how I have been feeling and I thought I must be doing something wrong. I'd been doing so "well" - you know I mean relatively. And now I'm right back to month 3 kind of panic.
Now it makes sense because I have been feeling like I'm realizing for the first time that Mark is gone. How can that be?
I am waiting for his input or his advice/guidance. And for his permission to be happy again. It makes sense now. Thanks for the post and the link.
Lots of love..
Xx