zonker7

In three days will be my Suzanne's birthday. The second since she's been gone. She would have been 53. Some people say the second year is harder than the first. I may have to agree. The first year...

So Monday is my baby's birthday and I think it's gonna be bad. I just realized today that I think it's gonna be bad because I'm sitting around thinking it's gonna be bad. Does that make sense?It...

The 31st is ten months which means a "year" is around the corner which means how the "F" did I get here?A boss of mine (it's a weird matrix reporting thing which makes me have several bosses) asked...

I've come to the realization I'm pretending. I'm pretending it's okay. I'm pretending I'm moving forward (I will never be able to "move on"). I'm pretending her absence isn't eating me up...

I can't believe next week is Christmas.  Christmas was my baby's holiday.  Last year at this time I would come home to such a wonderfully decorated home.  She made the season wonderful.  That's...

and another wave just hit me.  I think I've never felt so alone in my life. Not lonely.  That's different and I can't really explain why.  I have a lot of people who love me.  I get that.But it...

So, how are you doing?Really?  How many of us have heard that question?  Oh yes I understand it comes from concern but HOLY COW - how do you think I'm doing?  My wife died.  At FIFTY ONE!!!!Other...

So I hate that my theme is back to anxious.  This past Saturday we had a beautiful memorial and then scattering of ashes for my Suzanne.  My in-laws (who really are a second set of parents to me -...

So the memorial breakfast for my beautiful Suzanne was held this past Saturday.  Thanks to my family especially my two sisters and two nieces it turned out beautiful.  Custom decorations and custom...

Actually less than 4 days to go - memorial service for my lovely Suzanne on Saturday morning and then scattering of ashes at sunset at the ocean.OMG I'm freaking out!!!  What made me think I could...

So in preparation for a memorial next Friday I've gone through a boatload of pictures but I knew I'd want to add a clip or two from our wedding video.Oh boy!The people who did the video - 27 years...

A week from today, on what would have been out 27th wedding anniversary, I'm flying up to my home state (Jersey) for a memorial breakfast the next day for my beautiful Suzanne with scattering of...

I did something stupid today.  I had cleared off her dresser I guess a few weeks back and left just her collection of perfume bottles.  Today I sprayed a bit of Dolce & Gabana Light Blue (her fave)...

It's 8 weeks today.  I think I'm going to hate Thursdays for a very long time.  Is that stupid?

It's almost 3 am and I'm still up.  I've never been able to sleep well if she was away or heck if I was away on business.  She's gone and I just can't get myself to go to bed.  If she was here and...