Memorial in a week making me anxious
A week from today, on what would have been out 27th wedding anniversary, I'm flying up to my home state (Jersey) for a memorial breakfast the next day for my beautiful Suzanne with scattering of ashes in the ocean later that day at sunset. I am so fortunate to have family and friends who are doing so much coordination while I try to prepare down here (FL). I'm putting together a photo/video collage this weekend and going over and over the words I will need to deliver to give even the slightest hint of what a gift she was to me, our family and friends and the world.
I've known her almost 40 years, been together with her (dating) over 31 and almost reached 27 years married. How do you put that into 3 minutes 30 seconds. I know there's no limit but you know what I mean.
Every minute that I am closer to this makes me anxious about a few things. First this memorial, while being a celebration of her life, makes it that much more real. The scattering of her ashes (exactly where she wanted) makes it that much more final.
And my words about her? Will they ever be good enough? Will they ever be enough? And oh my God at last count there will be something like 130 people (mostly because about another 30+ can't make it).
I want to honor her so much, let people know how wonderful she was (even though I think they know) but I don't want to do it badly. I'd never forget that.
It just hit me now - I don't think I want to say goodbye. God help me.
I've known her almost 40 years, been together with her (dating) over 31 and almost reached 27 years married. How do you put that into 3 minutes 30 seconds. I know there's no limit but you know what I mean.
Every minute that I am closer to this makes me anxious about a few things. First this memorial, while being a celebration of her life, makes it that much more real. The scattering of her ashes (exactly where she wanted) makes it that much more final.
And my words about her? Will they ever be good enough? Will they ever be enough? And oh my God at last count there will be something like 130 people (mostly because about another 30+ can't make it).
I want to honor her so much, let people know how wonderful she was (even though I think they know) but I don't want to do it badly. I'd never forget that.
It just hit me now - I don't think I want to say goodbye. God help me.
Replies
No doubt youre anxious, this will be a very difficult time. All of it, the collage, writing your feelings about this beautiful love of yours and the service itself. I\'m getting anxious just reading what you are doing. There is nothing wrong with having a little pharmaceutical help with anxiety, especially the day of. I feel for you, Lori
Sending you strength you have a daunting task in front of you. I went to MN the first week of June to pick out the headstone. I just sent the pictures last week to have put on it. I think I was procastinating because doing it made it so final. Hugs, Sandi
Thank you so much Lori and Sandi. Today will be a long day because I can\'t waste the very few days I have off so I really need to accomplish the photo part. it doesn\'t help that the air conditioner isn\'t functioning since very late Thursday night. Yes I know it\'s mid October but I live in Florida and it\'s going to hit 90 (again) today. Oy. So I\'m sitting here with Pandora cranked and getting to.
Thanks again. I can\'t believe how much strength I can get from the people here.