Now what?

So I hate that my theme is back to anxious.  This past Saturday we had a beautiful memorial and then scattering of ashes for my Suzanne.  My in-laws (who really are a second set of parents to me - I've known them most of my life and truly love them) did not participate in the scattering of the ashes.  It's a generational thing I think so I knew people of their generation (my father-in-law is a Korean War veteran to give you perspective) and religious beliefs (Catholic) needed a place.  Somewhere to sit, reflect, pray and love their daughter.  So I offered (I was gonna do it anyway) to bury some of Suzanne's ashes in their backyard garden.  I knew it was important to both of them (for different reasons I suspect) so we picked a spot in front of their St. Jude statue where they had flower/plant holders so in my father-in-law's (George) words - she'll always have fresh flowers.  I know he will forever place them which is good - he'll forever be able to honor his baby girl.
These two from a lone time ago made me feel a part of the family.  Once I started dating, then engaged and then married their youngest girl they then made me feel and emphatically stated that I was another son (much to my best friend and only son Chris' chagrin :P ).
So we had the memorial, I, with my family (including Chris and Lenore who are "technically" in-laws but truly best friends of almost 40 years) and friends honored my baby by scattering her ashes in the ocean.  I then honored both my baby and her (my) parents by burial of ashes in their yard.
Sort of a good bye.  A finality (which I'm not sure I can accept).
So "Now what?" What do I do with my life.  I think I did some very respectful things.  But at the end of the day it really is saying goodbye (which I don't want to do).
Now what?
Oy