day 21

i dont like counting and im shocked every time i look at the number, cause its not really sinking in, i feel im on a break from a breakdown
 
i think everyone knows what i mean, of course, i want to stay sober and not gamble, and will fight tooth and nail to stay here, but the truth is, i need to trick myself more than ever to get my frame of mind back, i know im sick, and i will have sick thoughts, slowing down throughout the days/months, i feel im nuturing my brain and body and will be stronger eventually, i'm scared i'll think im normal again, in fact i feel thats how all my other relapses got me to go back, i thought i was normal....
 
i know im not, F******* 
this sucks and is the best thing at the same time
 
sharing :) :) and still happy!!!