fathers day - 26 days

i feel like gambling today, i wont, i just wanted to say that out loud, its fathers day, my daughter is gone for the day, i dont have anything planned, my home is clean and tidy, i've seen my friends and enjoyed the weekend, and yet i still feel something is missing, it was such a part of my life, i would get ready and go and sit and in the beginning it was just me time, so much fun, today is 26 days w/o a bet....although i feel like thats an accomplishment, its such a lingering thing, when im busy, i dont think about it, im happy about that i dont have to PUSH myself into things to enjoy them, i do truly enjoy my life/friends/daughter, its something about being told "you will not be able to do this forever that freaks me out" 
 
maybe its a control thing, maybe i'll go to church, maybe i'll cut the hedges, maybe i'll go to the cemetary to see my dad...
 
thanks for being here...