ok, this is my no sleep meds night and i was doing ok so i thought i could get through it alright but now i'm not doing so good...i feel like i'm going to do and i have major urges to do bad stuff...but am trying to block those thoughts from my head.  I'm too scared to even stand up right now to finish getting ready for bed...i just don't trust what i might do.  I haven't cut or burned so far...and I don't feel like anymore of the junk I have here.  I ate a few pieces of candy and had the 2 coolers earlier and now all I want is water...which I've had some of but need more and I'm afraid to go to the kitchen.  So I'm sitting in the living room, in the semi-dark (streetlights don't let it get completely dark in the living room since we still don't have curtains)...i have 2 pillows and my blanket and may just stay out here...except my roommate will be up in a couple hours.  I don't know what to do, i don't want to die.  I'm so freaking scared right now.  I can't even take an ativan because they're in my room and i can't go get it.  I'm such a loser.  I don't want to die....