i started doing something today that i haven't done in a few years....in some ways it's better then cutting...other ways it's not...i've started burning again.  Thing is i did once....and have been doing it all night.   i left a message on my psychiatrists voicemail to giver her heads up that i'm not doing well and that we need to talk about options.  i don't know if the hospital is what i need or not...it didn't do much good the last time....but i don't know how long i can keep myself from the more lethal things especially while i'm going through the med decrease and then a clean out period with nothing.  i'm really scared. Oddly enough i'm actually quite tired and i guess it's good i haven't taken the sleep meds in a few nights because tonight they are actually kicking in and making me double eyed.   that said i need to get ready to bed.  i'd try to catch up on a couple more journal but i think that isn't fair while my brain is so drowsy.