learning to cope
recently it seems to be getting better. I rejoined the gym last monday, been busy reading my books, on here reading, etc. I let H read my journal entries which I believe really helped as he didn't fully understand the depth of my pain while we talk. when we talk, we get sidetracked and too emotional.
I found so far the most helpful book for myself is "mending a shattered heart", and "out of the shadows" is helping me to better understand his thinking.
today is the first appt with his therapist as I want to go by myself too. I feel a little nervous, but more relieved that I finally get to talk to someone about this...in person that is and get immediate feedback. My main fear tho is something we are going to talk about will "trigger" me, and tonight will be bad. My sleeping is so thrown off lately. The extra adrenaline I guess has been keeping me up, my mind wanders and thinks...about that "dirty" computer that sits in our closet...I *know* I could reboot it up, and search...and obsess....and freak out. But, it does no good. I can't wait till we 'crash' it, and start it all over. WIll be for the kids and their school programs. There will be top notch programs on it of course to prevent any ideas that might go thru my H mind to go back to his old ways, and to ultimately prevent the kids from accidently going on anything unappropriate...the oldest is under 7.
In the one book, can't think which one, might even be the one I mentioned above, it talks about the recovery stages. I found myself in each stage at one time or another during the course of our relationship. This past time was the 3rd time of discovery. I had finally forgiven, moved on, but yet also was always in the back of my head from one of the discoveries so I knew I wasn't completely over that one. It just really angers and annoys me how I have to go through this all over again
it just amazes me how my mood can change so drastically. something so slight can trigger the emotional memories so to speak
I found so far the most helpful book for myself is "mending a shattered heart", and "out of the shadows" is helping me to better understand his thinking.
today is the first appt with his therapist as I want to go by myself too. I feel a little nervous, but more relieved that I finally get to talk to someone about this...in person that is and get immediate feedback. My main fear tho is something we are going to talk about will "trigger" me, and tonight will be bad. My sleeping is so thrown off lately. The extra adrenaline I guess has been keeping me up, my mind wanders and thinks...about that "dirty" computer that sits in our closet...I *know* I could reboot it up, and search...and obsess....and freak out. But, it does no good. I can't wait till we 'crash' it, and start it all over. WIll be for the kids and their school programs. There will be top notch programs on it of course to prevent any ideas that might go thru my H mind to go back to his old ways, and to ultimately prevent the kids from accidently going on anything unappropriate...the oldest is under 7.
In the one book, can't think which one, might even be the one I mentioned above, it talks about the recovery stages. I found myself in each stage at one time or another during the course of our relationship. This past time was the 3rd time of discovery. I had finally forgiven, moved on, but yet also was always in the back of my head from one of the discoveries so I knew I wasn't completely over that one. It just really angers and annoys me how I have to go through this all over again
it just amazes me how my mood can change so drastically. something so slight can trigger the emotional memories so to speak
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