I have to wonder why, or what drew me into my current H from my past. I have to wonder why it was so important for me to conquer him for myself when that 's all I needed...was myself. I KNOW I love him. I know I need him. I know...yet, I wonder why...
why should I give hin the ultimate gift of forgiveness? It's been sooo damn long. So it makes feel as if I should. Yet, I don't. I do NOT forgive him. On the contrary, I KNOW i can do this without him I know I can live without him. Yet, he is all that I dreamt of in a guy. Or used to be. I never thought my "dream" guy would  be a SA, who had to go to therapy, whom I had to go to therapy.\\\
Do I respect him? that is what my therapist asked me, and asked me to build upon. I honestly think that after all of this I do NOT. I don't care about HIS needs, HIS wants, HIS life or die moments. Isn't that about respect? about the other person's feelings?
then, I do not; I do not respect my own husband. However, I am respecting my own needs and wants for once in my life. I am being selfish thinking about myself.
I love him, honestly I did, and I know that I still do. I am learning to separate him from the addicition.Yet, do I still love the raw H? That is the bottom line.
To forgive and forget. I do not know if I am capable