well, I started taking zoloft almost a week ago now. It's done wonders so far. I haven't had a panic/anxiety attack for a week. I no longer have those out of control racing thought.s. Don't get me wrong, I still think about it several times a day, still get pissed about it. But, my anger doesn't get to the better of me.
Instead, I've been kinda feeling pity for him. For how much he's had to endure from my rage, how  hard he's been trying, and for what made him have this addiction in the first place...and why he couldn't or wouldn't talk to me about it. I know he was embarrassed, yet he knew this was something that would hurt me ultimately. I'm still trying to process everything that's happened, and thinking about the future.
I'm trying to cope, and honestly taking zoloft was probably the best thing I could've done in this situation...for myself, for my babies, for my H, for my family.
I have not forgiven yet. That is still a very long, far away road. I just wish we could erase this from us, from our memory banks, from our past and start over. However, I know it will eventually make us stronger as a couple...as long as we get thru it