Awww, thank you everyone for the sweet comments! They really do mean so much to me : )

Very interesting comment Stroodle. You're right, so long as I continue being so self-critical of myself, even if I was doing a "peaceful" job like gardening, I would invent reasons to get stressed out over soil and rain and white fly and BAM that could just as well lead to pulling. I need to continue doing a LOT of work with a therapist if I'm going to move forward in my life and rebuild my self-confidence. I'm hoping I can find someone really good.

Unfortunately I had two really bad days of pulling. One was a 10, according to my version of the Claudia Miles system (290 hairs pulled in a single day!!! Holy crap. For me anything that approaches 300+ hairs is the worst that it gets). The next day was somehat better (I think like 175 hairs), so more like a 7. So I'm still struggling over here. Yesterday I think I just pulled 50 hairs so not bad.

In any case, I have still had more pull free days this month than July and June combined, so I guess that's progress?

Pretty excited to move back in my boyfriend. I'm sure there will be some tough days ahead but overall I think September will be a much better month for me than the summer. Just need to take it one day at a time I guess, and wean myself off from using the Internet too much. Too much Internet = depression = pulling = nothing good for Trish!

Go for it! The balance of having a close relationship, and remembering to take care of yourself, even if it's just a five second smile and positive thought to yourself in front of the mirror daily, will help.

Hurrah for you! Knowing we do what we do, and going through it, you're showing strength! Stay strong, you can do this!

Yep self love and acceptance are vital in recovery! I'm still working on it.

Yay for many more pull free days! I think you're doing very well. I'm so happy you're excited about the move.

Yep too long on the interwebs is baaad for me too. Maybe a time limit? 20 mins?

I also agree with Stroodle's comment...there is always stress, and the grass is not always greener on the other side!!

Too long on the internet is bad for anyone, I think. It is such a trigger for pulling.

September will be better!! August is almost over...

Thank feck for that. (August being almost over). C'moooooon September!

Yeah I have to keep reminding myself that the grass isn't always greener in the other side. I never want a job with a constant massive amount of stress though.

"The balance of having a close relationship, and remembering to take care of yourself, even if it's just a five second smile and positive thought to yourself in front of the mirror daily, will help." What a nice comment Mid, thank you, I will definitely keep this in mind!

"Yay for many more pull free days! I think you're doing very well. " Thanks Sam! : D

So sadly I was not pull free on Tuesday. I pulled out a ton of baby hairs. REALLY NOT GOOD. I would rate the day a 7, according to the Claudia Miles system. I had a minor freak out when I examined the damage in the mirror. Basically I pulled out over a hundred of the tiny baby hairs that were growing over the thinnest part of my hair, on top of my head. And without these hairs it's pretty evident that I have a thumb-sized bald spot which is pretty difficult to cover up without using tons and tons of Toppix. Oh god, I felt so horrified with myself! But I just put on a ton of Toppix and tried to vow to do better from now on. What else can one do??? UGH, DOUBLE UGH.

Anyway, I was pull free yesterday so that was good. Today I have to pack. Ahhhh! New chapter of life beginning!!!! I am in a pretty good mood about it....

I've been doing that too! Why can't we crave the crappy old hairs that have served their days and are ready to come out?

Pull free yesterday woooooo! And packing, double woo! New chapter of life, woo! Sows your boyfriend know about your trich?

I try really hard not to look at bald spots. I only look once every few weeks, after there has been enough time to see some actual regrowth. It is too frustrating and depressing otherwise. Hair takes forever to fully grow out, but not too long at all to have just enough regrowth where it isn't just scalp showing through...makes it so much easier to conceal!

I don't know what it is about those baby hairs that are so enticing...grrr. Great job on the pull free day! Hold onto those vibes. Also remember how you are progressing, more good days this month than June and July combined-that is awesome! Step by step you will get there, focus on the growing number of good days. Good luck with the move. :)

New chapter in life is an exciting proposition! Oh, think of the possibilities...what will be written in the new chapter??? Imagine the color pictures, the descriptive words, the references, all of the exclamations and all of the new question marks. I think it's going to be a very good chapter; if, of course, you are up to writing one...

Get out your pen and turn that page...

:)

Ha ha Stroodle, I might just do that!!

Pull free the last two days but then tonight I got really sloppy and just kind of ended up pulling out 85 hairs. God, once I start it's so hard to stop. In a lot of ways it makes more sense to just NOT pull at all, as opposed to trying to keep it under 50 hairs once I start pulling.

Anyway, here's how I did in August, according to the Claudia Miles rating system. According to my rating system, anything below 50 hairs is rated a 1, anything over 300 hairs is a 10 (the WORST that it gets), and everything is scored from there:

August 1-- 3
August 2-- 0
August 3 -- 0
August 4 -- 6
August 5 -- 2
August 6 -- 3
August 7 -- 5
August 8-- 5
August 9 -- 0
August 10 -- 1
August 11 -- 2
August 12 -- 6
August 13-- 6
August 14 -- 9
August 15 -- 9
August 16 -- 8
August 17-- 8
August 18 -- 0
August 19 -- 0
August 20 -- 2
August 21 -- 0
August 22 -- 0
August 23 -- 9 (290 hairs!! Shit)
August 24 -- 6
August 25 -- 1
August 26 -- 4
August 27 -- 0
August 28 -- 1
August 29 -- 0
August 30 -- 0
August 31 -- 3

Not bad. Definitely better than July. I had 10 pull free days in August, as compared to just ONE pull free in July, and 5 pull free days in June. If I can have more than 10 pull free days in September and NO days that are rated either 8's or 9's, then I will consider myself a happy camper.

Hell yeah 10 pull free days!!!!!!!!! Celebrate that! That's A THIRD OF THE MONTH PULL FREE!!!

Your goal for September is excellent. I believe in you!

I totally know what you mean, it's easier to not pull at all (if you can avoid auto pulling - which is very difficult), than stop pulling after starting.

That is a great goal, and you are doing very well! I hope everything is going well with your preparations for moving!

Ok, so September so far hasn't been that great. I pulled SO MUCH today. Definitely an 8, according to the Claudia Miles rating system. I think yesterday was like a 7. Monday I think was a 2 (my phone app has crashed YET AGAIN so I can't open it right now to see what my numbers were). The autopull was just FULL ON. Again, pulling out all of the baby hairs at the top my head.

I was so sad and discouraged with myself earlier today, but at least after pulling out over 200 hairs before noon, I was able to stay basically pull free for the rest of the day. I'm actually feeling good about work tomorrow, which is a nice feeling. It's been awhile since I've felt positive emotion about anything. Depression sucks away my ability to feel any emotion besides a dull desire to just watch TV and silently loathe myself.

Anyway, I have set my alarm to wake up early. Tomorrow is another day.