Going back to work after vacation sucks. I hope the vacation was a nice break from work stress, though!

Ha ha, I definitely didn't miss working. But I had to run so many errands/fret about other stuff, aka, THE FUTURE and where I'm going to be living/working after I graduate, that it really didn't feel like a break at all. That probably explains I pulled out so much hair.

Couldn't get myself to go to work today, respond any of the e-mails I have to respond to, clean my room... basically couldn't get myself to do ANYTHING. Not good. Thank goodness I have therapy on Friday. That may be the only thing that will get me through this week. I'm worried I'm entering another spell of depression. Ugly.

At least I didn't pull out a horrible amount of hair. I still pulled though, just a little bit, in the evening. Hard to say how much it really was.

Worrying about the future is such a huge trigger. I haven't been pulling because of it, but I've had negative reactions in other ways (nail biting, lack of sleep, moodiness...). Meditation has been useful for me. Therapy sounds like a good idea for working on the anxiety. It sounds cliche, but have faith in yourself and your ability to handle whatever happens in the future!

I'm trying manda but it's hard, I'm super down in the dumps. I think the only thing that will snap me out of it is procrastinating all my work to the point where I have to do it all in a frenzied rush of panic. UGH! That may even have to happen tonight, I have to hand something in tomorrow and despite having all day to do it all I did was read about "Game of Thrones" online. UUUUUGH! I AM THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD.

Unfortunately after my post yesterday I pulled out even more hair. Lots of pulling today too.

I took a walk in the woods today and exercised and tried to eat healthy, so at least I am taking care of myself in that sense.

Pulled out like 111 hairs today. At least I am counting again.

I am just telling myself the only thing that matters right now is trying to get this under control again. Forget stress about the future. Forget stress about my professional life. Forget stress about the summer. Forget stress that results from how much I criticize myself.

All I need to do right now is not pull out so much hair, and that is the only battle that I need to concentrate on winning.

I see what you're saying about focusing on the immediate issue and trying to forget about more long term stuff. In stressful moments I've also been trying to just focus on what I need to do right then, not on everything I need to do in the next few months. It helps sometimes.

So... you CAN'T be the worst person in the world, because you sound just like me as far as procrastinating and doing absolutely anything in the world to keep from doing what I need to be doing! And, all the while, pulling hair because I'm stressing about what I need to be doing. Uugh!

I hope you are having a good day, today, or at the very least, in this moment. You can win this battle!

Oh man! I feel your pain. I have been procrastinating so hard these last couple of weeks. I have a deadline too (mines in less than a week) and I'm not doing anything but reading shit online!

It's great that you're exercising and eating well. Keep doing that if nothing else!

Not pulling is fucking HARD. But focusing on one thing at a time is the only way to do it. I just bought myself a couple of new fidget toys because they helped in the past, just so I could feel like I'm moving in the right direction again. Just getting the motivation is difficult, but you're already there! "What do we say to the God of Trich? Not today." Okay. Totally geeked out there. Sorry.

YAAAY! I can't believe I had to Google that reference in order to get it. Ha ha ha -- I am a HUGE Game of Thrones nerd, SERIOUSLY. Reading the Game of Thrones wikipedia is like my favorite downtime activity (which I just did for the past 90 minutes, ARGGH).

Glad to know that you also feel my pain when it comes to procrastination BKC. YUCK!!!!

Maybe I will buy some new fidget toys as well. Something has got to change!!

237 hairs pulled out today. I was reading my old posts on trichworld from 2010 when I was in total despair over pulling out about 30 to 60 hairs a day. EL OH EL. I can only shake my head and laugh bitterly now. If I pulled out just 60 hairs tomorrow I would be SO HAPPY.

Thank you Startthejourney for also feeling my pain about procrastination, I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggles with it! I guess it must have something to do with being anxious perfectionists? SIIIIGH.

So looking forward to therapy tomorrow.

Like Phoebe said before...just focusing on a number of hairs pulled might end up making you feel worse. Make it motivational, if you can!

Fidget toys sound like a good idea. I always use whatever jewelry I am wearing as a fidget toy. Rings and long necklaces work well for it.

Isn't the general personality type for trich something along the lines of "anxious perfectionist"? According to some studies I've read, anyway.

Yeah, I'm a GOT nerd too! I've only read the first book because the show is so good and I don't want to be disappointed or know what's coming. I'm going to read them all when the series is over.

Hope your pulling gets better! Fidget toys help me a lot, and so do visual reminders. Tracking the days that I pull/don't pull so I can see my progress weekly/monthly gives me a lot of motivation especially when I've been pulling a lot. If I see that I've been pulling straight for two weeks, I try to go at least one full day (or most of the day) before I let myself pull for a little bit in the evening. Probably not the best idea to reward myself for not pulling with pulling, but it does help in the long run to remain pull-free, even if only for an hour or two.

Mandapanda -- I think you're right. A lot of us are anxious perfectionists!

BKC --- ja ja ja I have read ALLL the GOT books. I have spent waaaay too much time this week in Westeros, time to come back to the real world, as unpleasant as it it.

"If I see that I've been pulling straight for two weeks, I try to go at least one full day (or most of the day) before I let myself pull for a little bit in the evening." At this point that sounds like a preeeeetty good strategy to me.

manda --- At this point I don't think counting hairs is going to make me feel worse, I need to do it in order to get some idea of how much this is actually happening. I've read a lot of material out there that talks about how in order to fight bad habits, you need to *track* them. Besides it has worked to motivate me in the past. Otherwise I am just mindlessly pulling out my hair and it's easier to pretend like "oh, that seemed like a lot of hair, but who knows really?" Once I am counting, I am no longer ignoring the behavior. Putting a number to things really sends it home!

That being said, yesterday I pulled out 187 hairs, meaning in the *****past three days alone***** I have pulled out 546. HOLY...... CRAP........

I am hopeful that today will be pull free.

Gotta get some fidget toys, a scalp massager, more cute hats, etc. Gotta get SERIOUS again about fighting this.

IF I make it to the end of today (and I'm fairly sure I will) it will be my 2nd day pull free.

PHEEWWWWW.

I really needed a pull free period.

3 days!!!