Oh gosh! 3 years is AMAZING! stay tough! I can't imagine a smoking craving but I sure know a pulling one and I know its not worth breaking a long streak of success.

You can achieve your goals, and basically if you're having more success than not you're doing great.

Bitch be cool ;)

3 years of not smoking is great!! Awesome willpower.

Ha ha thanks guys!

Unfortunately yesterday was BAD. I don't know what I was thinking. I started pulling from a patch at the top of my head that had all this regrowth --- very small, coarse hairs. Lots of them pulled out with the root, which for whatever gross reason is always "satisfying" for me. So I just pulled and pulled mindlessly from this one spot, not counting hairs. Then I made the mistake of checking the top of my head last night and OH MY GOD I have created a major bald patch. Very visible and very shocking for me to see. I can cover it up with Toppix but my God.

I'm just like, WHAT WAS I THINKING. It's not like I even did anything yesterday. I wasn't stressed out, I wasn't bored, I just kind of.... started pulling then couldn't stop. What a cruel non-reason to end up with a major bald patch.

I started getting really depressed and upset last night thinking about just how much I have destroyed my hair in the past year. Reading old journal entries in which I was super upset over pulling out 30 hairs a day -- a number which seems insanely small to me now -- did not help.

But it's also like, well, what's the point of feeling crummy about it. All I can do is try not to pull and hopefully over time the hair will grow back.

Ugh, I'm really hoping I have motivation for this week to try and be pull-lite, if not totally pull free. I think I am going to call tomorrow and make a hair appointment for the end of August, so that can serve as something that I'm working towards. I'm going to cut it as short as it can go!!

I also kind of feel like at this point, maybe I just need to stop caring about work, just do the bare minimum I need to get by and not worry about it, and just put MY ENERGY AND FOCUS INTO NOT PULLING MY HAIR. My God, I would be so happy if I made it to a week pull free!!! It seems like such an impossible goal now, but the only way I can get there is one day at a time I guess.

It will grow back, it will just take time. Making a hair appointment will give you motivation, and cutting it short sounds like a good idea, too. I always cut mine pretty short whenever I go to the salon because it helps even out regrowth as much as possible. Try not to look at the bald spot too much; just focus on covering it up for now. Try to be patient - the only good thing about trich is that hair does grow back!

Oh I feel the horror of a freshly created bald spot on your crown. I'm the lucky recipient of one of those too! It was some short regrowth that I pulled out too, of course.

Try not to compare yourself to how you were doing in the past. Yeah I know it's hard. I do it often but I try not to dwell on it. Make the appointment, and I'll make mine. I think focus on pull lite again, then pull free. Or aim for pull free but be happy with pull lite.

Breathe..

"But it's also like, well, what's the point of feeling crummy about it. All I can do is try not to pull and hopefully over time the hair will grow back. "

EXACTLY!!

Try to not obsess. Move forward. Live your life. Keep trying. That is my mantra tonight.

Hey, read this! http://helpforhairpullers.blogspot.com.au/2014/04/oh-no-i-undid-all-my-progress.html?m=1

Please do :) I found it so helpful and I really think you will too. I'm going to try this method. I encourage everyone to click on the above link.

Great link, confident! Sounds like what many of us have done in the past with keeping various kinds of charts and such to show our PF days. Good reminder that maybe I should do that again...it really is so helpful. And it is always good to be reminded that attainable goals are important, and that long PF streaks often don't happen overnight!!

Hey, check out that lady's twitter account, too...I mean the writer of the blog post Confident linked to above. Good advice on there, as well!

WOW great find Sam!!!!

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments, they mean so much to me!! : ))))

I wonder what Ms. Claudia Miles charges for sessions.... maybe when I am not making grad school salary anymore I will get in touch with her.

Also she recommended the same book I am currently reading! "Radical Acceptance: Living Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach. That must be a good sign!

I really like her advice. I need to make sure I don't spend the next few hours reading her entire website, ha ha. Because I would totally do that.

It's funny because I was also thinking of doing something similar to what she describes. Last week I tried to pull less than 50 hairs a day, and I was successful 4 out of 7 days.

[So I didn't do that badly when I put it that way].

So this week I am gonna try to pull less than 50 hairs a day, and be successful for at least 5 out of 7 days. That will be enough to qualify me as a SUCCESS.

Got my extensions on, got my Toppix on, things could be much worse....

Great find indeed! I will check out her twitter tomorrow. Yep manda it's totally stuff that we already knew, but so great to be reminded. Particularly that recover is gradual and there will be bad days. I really like the idea of rating each day on a calendar from 0-10 re: number of hairs pulled.

Booyah, ha it's funny you should say that about reading her entire site, cause I just spent several hours reading all her blog posts. It's now 1am, oops. And you're right, you've made great progress in your recovery. Great new goal.

We're gonna be oooookaaaay.

I'll check her out.

Charts are great. I am such a huge fan of the spread sheet.

Find what works for you, and stick with it, until you need to find something else. Sometimes the novelty of a new idea gives you the boost that you need.

Interesting that your toon the long PF... I am a fan of that, it makes me feel good, but my current pattern of 5 day PF's isn't so bad. It is almost like my NPF days, where I pull no more than 4 hairs, take some of the pressure off. I prefer the long PF's, but they aren't necessary. It does bum me out when I have 5 days PF, and then binge for a day, but at least I have had those 5 days. Every day, every hour PF, saves more hairs.

"Your toon" is auto- correct for "you mention"

Ok, yesterday was good, it was a "9" because I pulled exactly 50 hairs and did not go over my goal. SO YAY ME.

This morning was not so good because I pulled quite a bit without bothering to count --- FROM THE BALD PATCH. Why why why pick on the baby hairs? Because that spot is so itchy!! Also not good to not count.... it's like that way I can pretend it's not happening. It's because I'm too lazy to pick up my phone and make a note of it on my counting app, ha ha.

Anyway, I am gonna guess that I pulled about 44 hairs and will aim to not go over 50 for the rest of the day.

50 hairs is great! But see how you were pulling up to 300 hairs (was it?) lately. Well I reckon if 0 is 0 and 10 is 300 then 50 is about a 4 or so. Do you completely disagree? Ha that's ok. But considering the week before last I think you were pulling so many more, I don't think 50 deserves a 9. Just tell me to shut it ;)

Oh I always pick from my bald patch/bare patch. That's where the good hairs are! They feel and sound good when they come out. Boo.