I really want to start ashtanga yoga, just got to find the time. It's basically a physical meditation. I want to learn to be able to do it on my own too. I would love to have that skill..

Been "straightening" like crazy... I have replaced pulling with this, and also with running pieces of hair through my mouth til their wet, then running those wet pieces through my fingers (all while the hair is still attached to my head). Arghhhhh, yes, it's less damaging but I'm still a slave to trich behavior. And I don't have much motivation to stop these behaviors, so I continue to let myself do them, which allows me to walk a dangerously fine line in remaining pull free, as slips can happen more easily if my hands are in my hair. Also, it's hindering me beating the habit portion of trich. I really need to keep my hands out of my hair but it seems to help me concentrate and stay calm (like pulling). I think this is where little toys will come in handy, so I think I'll buy some jewelery and toys that I can play with.

Online shopping here I come! hehe.

A week til I'm 5 months pull free!!!!!!! I WILL TRY TO KEEP MY HANDS OUT OF MY HAIR.

I like the fidget bracelets you mentioned, those will be heaven with your hands.
I know what you mean about the closeness of hands in hair. I think that is my problem, I get too comfortable with the mirror and tweezers, and forget the danger zone.
Good for you! one more week, you can do this!

You really should, Sam. We go through so many phases in while we manage trich. What is going on with you sounds like what happened to me the last time I got to 50+ days - complacence.

You must remember why you started this in the first place. Do you have any photos of yourself to remind you what is was like before your hair grew in? I don't mean to be a downer, but you need some tough love to keep on track. Lately, I've been thinking about that egg-shaped bald spot that is in my future if I don't conquer this, and I look at the photo I posted that would be quite different if I was pulling.

You are still engaging in The Behavior. You need to work on breaking that link. I did some straightening myself this morning. It's WAY too risky. Break the impulse to put you hands in your hair.

I really like my twirly silver ring. Especially when I'm in public.

xoxoxoxoxo

Thanks Mid, yep, I can! I like them too, pity they won't really go with any of my clothes hehehe.

Thanks Phoebe :) I really wish that I had taken photos in the beginning, but honestly I couldn't deal with it. I wasn't even looking at myself in the mirror then, let alone taking photos of all of the angles of my head!!! I just didn't want to know about it. And honestly, avoiding the seriousness of my damage, ie not looking at it, is what kept me from getting depressed. I do remember how bad it was, I had a small bald spot at the front of my head that wouldn't grow back, a spot behind my ear that was rather large and which wasn't growing back, I was missing 90% of my "bangs". My crown was about 15% filled in, and 1-2cm short, and I had thin patches all over my head on the top half. Pretty sure it was the worst it's ever been.

The thing is, even though I'm playing, I'm still pretty confident I won't pull. I have pretty good control right now. But I want to kill the behavior, and break the link! It was so much easier in the beginning, in a way, because I was so focused. Continuing to look at images of girls with their hair wet really helps me as that's my main aesthetic goal, to be able to swim with my hair out in public.

Further motivation is knowing that my hair probably won't grow back again straight away if I keep pulling. Last year was the first time that my hair stopped growing back immediately (in two spots).

Thinking of getting a spinner ring. 142 days pull free? I think sticking up calenders which I drew up and placing stars on my pull free days will motivate me.

i thought about taking pictures of myself at the beginning too, but i was scared that someone would find them somehow (ridiculous, i know)- im so used to spending a lot of time covering it up and pretending that its not there that i just didnt really want to uncover it, you know?
yay! glad you're able to control your urges! was it you that posted the collage of girls with long/pretty hair a while back? anyways, there was one that had a girl with wet hair and it totally just changed my goal too! im no longer just aiming to get to the point where i feel comfortable just in public (always feel like theres a huge bald patch on the back of my head that people can see and i cant even though there isnt hahah ive checked)- i want to get to the point where i can take a shower and just run out the door without being completely self conscious and anxious!
142 DAYS!!!!!!! WOOO HOOO!! you're such a rockstar!!! keep it up!
xxxxx

This is a tough one - where the line is for just a habit versus a destructive habit. I suppose you could compare it to an alcoholic....if they go to bars with friends, does that mean they will drink? Not necessarily, but why put yourself into that dangerous temptation? We have an illness and most people can play with their hair without pulling it. But, for us that may just not be an option. Even as I write that though, I'm not sure. You're right - it's hard to know what is habit versus trich behavior. I guess in the end, it's a matter of knowing yourself, and in a brutally honest way. There are probably some who truly know that playing with hair is not going to make them reach their limit; and there are others that have to face that they are "all or nothing" people and even the slightest play is too much. For myself, in all other matters, I'm an all or nothing type of person so I think I also need to be very careful about this.

Sorry for rambling, in short I think it's about getting extremely honest with yourself and not taking for granted that trich can be really tricky.

Awesome job on 142 days and so glad to hear that you're really seeing some great regrowth now!

you are a star!
xoxoxox

Firante! Yep it was me who posted the collage, so cool that those images motivated you :)

I want to do that too, just get out of the shower and walk out the door! Hehe after putting on some clothes.

Kauxfire, I like to think of myself as an all or nothing person too, that's why I've been struggling with this. I don't want to be participating in ANY trich behaviors. It's got to stop! I am always honest with myself if I can be, and I know that I'm not happy with myself while I'm still playing with my hair. And thank! I'm going to post a pic when I get around to it (gotta take it first) of my regrowth. Wish I had a before shot for you all to compare it to, but I think I'll be able to find a pic on the net which is similar to how my hair was.

FANKS granit!!! x

Thrilling! I remember how wonderful it felt to step out of the shower, and get dressed to go somewhere without having to spend time in front of the mirror checking.
Go for it! You can do this!

I think habit is part of the trich behavior. It is all part of the mix. I'm getting much better at controlling the habit, but some days, the other factors emerge, and the habitual response kicks in. That's why breaking the link is so important.

I have total confidence in you, too. xoxoxoxox

thats completely true, phoebe! i always seem to forget, but the habit is most of the battle for me. the urges come after i give into habit sometimes, and i HATE that, because i really can control that part!
stick with it sam!
cant wait ot see your regrowth!
im thinking of posting a pic sometime soon!

I hope you are doing well!
You can do this!

146 days pull free!!

It's weird, now I want to play with my kinky hairs more than I want to pull... maybe that's cos I forget what pulling feels like? Or the memory of the feeling isn't very strong?

Anyway, I'm trying to keep my hands down. I really want to have a hands-down-a-thon, but it would be hard to monitor. So for now I'm just going to try to be tough on myself and not let myself play.

Working lots, stressing some, exercising none, eating ok, relationship going good (considering circumstances, boyfriend is in final weeks of uni plus working 30+ hours at work, and F***, he is going to be moving home to his mother's house for the last month before we go away so he can save more money - we plan on moving into our own place when we get back). I like his family a lot and they like me a lot, but I feel like such a burden when I'm there, so i try not to be there too often. Once-twice a week.

Ugh, hands down!

xox Thanks Phoebe - your confidence in me makes me more confident! And thanks firante and mid :)

One month, thirty days, and you've made it 146 days, hurray!
Hands down, and your project is to keep your mind, body, and hands focused on patting down the knees, or any part of the body other than your head.
You can do this!

Grats on 146 days PF!!! That is sooo awesome.