CheshinWonderland

Activity

• 

  Day 7: ALL OF THE COOKING

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 11/04/2018

  0

  0

  Well, it took me until about 5 in the evening on Sunday to start what I meant to complete on Saturday, but I have almost finished cooking this weeks meals. The yogurt/banana/walnuts for breakfast of course don't need any early preps. Lunch is rice/zuchini/chicken so I have cook some Baked Lemon Butter chicken, 7 servings of "light brown" basmati rice, and sauteed some zuchini (being sure to drain off some of the water) all with Italian herb mixture. That's in a giant tuperware on my counter to...

• Food Addiction
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 11/03/2018

  CheshinWonderland commented on the discussion who's read Brene Brown?.

• Food Addiction
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 11/03/2018

  CheshinWonderland commented on the discussion Anxiety and Overeating.

• 

  Day 5: Huh

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 11/02/2018

  0

  0

  Today was... better. Not great. There was still a heavey amount of apathy in the morning and the storm gave me a lightening headache. Overall though, it was a good day. Very productive. After a cup of tea following lunch, my mood was stable. My food is on plan. Actually better then planned. I gave myself permission for a slice of cheesecake (someone brought some into work yesterday) as dessert w/ lunch and dinner. I've been having dessert since the beginning because sweetness isn't my problem...

• 

  Day 3: suicidal ideation is a bitch

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/31/2018

  0

  0

  My brain was normal, better then normal, for maybe an hour. And then it all went away. I was distracted, tired, unfocused, all day. And I ended the work day with unreasonable, unfocused irritation. And I've spent practically every moment since finishing dinner collapsed on the couch alternately escaping through a Harry Potter fanfiction and thinking about what sort of self harm I could reasonably hide and feeling stuck. Sometimes it's easier to imagine not having to wake up in the morning. What...

• 

  Let's try this again

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/30/2018

  0

  0

  I successfully started my four week detox yesterday, 10/29/018. I am 239 lbs and my measurements are as follows: waist 44.5 in, lower abs 51 in, below breasts 39.5 in, mid-upper arm 14 in, mid thigh 26.5 in.  In four weeks I hope to be below 230 lbs and able to comfortably fit into an old pair of shorts and a favorite sleep shirt. Detox is hard. My brain SCREAMS at me starting the minute I walk out of the office at the end of the day and doesn't stop until I go to bed. I have to repeat, ad...

• 

  Today was a success but it sucked

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/29/2018

  0

  0

  Detox did not start yesterday. And that's on me. I did not shop or prep Saturday evening so it was far too easy to blow off Sunday as well. I did, however, shop and prep on Sunday. A full week's worth of meals are sitting in my refridgerator just waiting to be put together or warmed up. And it did help today. I woke up early. I worked out on schedule. I ate all of my meals on time and as planned. I drank plenty of water. I had a productive day at work. And I've been anxious/depressed all...

• 

  Today sucked

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/27/2018

  0

  0

  SO MUCH FOOD AND CAFFINE. Detox starts tomorrow and I will make a full journal entry explaining the last few days. 

• 

  Just don't want to miss a day

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/26/2018

  0

  0

  Coming up on my shut down time, so this won't be long. Detox starts Sunday not Saturday for reasons I'll explain tomorrow. My last meal was today and I'm both grateful and pissed because now I feel terrible. I'm really looking foward to having more money!!!And I just realized I missed yesterday. Eh, socialization was a better call anyway.

• Food Addiction
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/24/2018

  CheshinWonderland commented on the discussion How are we getting through today?.

• 

  Still don't wanna, but let's do this!

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/24/2018

  0

  0

  At the end of work, I was so full of energy. My manager was 100% supportive in the face of a shitty person and helped me protect future employees who might have to deal with him. I finally was able to solve something that's been hovering for a week or two. My favorite direct coworker and I had one of our usual "therapy" sessions where we hover by our cars after work and talk. Sometimes we bitch about clients or our employers. Sometimes we talk about her kids or my siblings or just life in...

• 

  Nope

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/23/2018

  0

  0

  Someone is digging a nail into my right temple and into my eye, my dog is acting odd, and I got yelled at at work. I will try to get my video done but it's anyones game now. 

• 

  Or not

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/22/2018

  0

  0

  This is gonna be short. I went to bed at 9:30. Yay!Food choices were mostly crap. damn!My head is hurting a lot. bleh!Books-A-Million bought half my books, for $31. Eh!Target had most of the stuff I wanted. Cool!I am not making an emotional video while my head is killing me. done!

• 

  I have finished The Hunger Fix...

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/20/2018

  0

  0

  That's right, I have read the entire book, including the appendices Didn't see the need to do more then skim in a couple points; the receipes and parts of stages 2 and 3 for example. It will be a month before stage 2 and likely no less then 14 months before stage 3, so it made more sense to take in the most relevant information with greater focus and then speed through the rest. And now that I'm done, it's time to really dive into the plan. For the next week I will perform a shit ton of...

• 

  Two's company, not...a crowd?

  Posted by: CheshinWonderland

  Posted: 10/19/2018

  0

  0

  I've always been absolutely sure that anything more than me and my dog in the apartment is absolutely a crowd. It's a one bedroom place which means whenever I have guests, they sleep in the living room. It's a mostly open floor plan as well so the only way to not see everything and everyone is to go to the bathroom or hide in my bedroom. To me, that's a big deal. One of the absolute joys of having anxiety is the constant conviction that you are being watched and judged at all times. I just...