Let's try this again

I successfully started my four week detox yesterday, 10/29/018. I am 239 lbs and my measurements are as follows: waist 44.5 in, lower abs 51 in, below breasts 39.5 in, mid-upper arm 14 in, mid thigh 26.5 in.  In four weeks I hope to be below 230 lbs and able to comfortably fit into an old pair of shorts and a favorite sleep shirt. 

Detox is hard. My brain SCREAMS at me starting the minute I walk out of the office at the end of the day and doesn't stop until I go to bed. I have to repeat, ad nauseaum, that I am "driving straight home and eating tilapia and sweet potatoe" just to keep myself from stopping off at the food store on my way home. I take the dog out, feed her, and then meditate for five minutes. This routine is enough to keep me on plan but my brain doesn't start to quiet until a couple of bites in, and it never stops. I could taste sour cream and onion chips (I think that's what it was) as I was walking up the stairs to my apartment today. 

Getting up to exercise is suprisingly easy. I've been waking up at 6am naturally and I found a beginner's YouTube video with a 30 minute low impact cardio work out. I drink a giant glass of water and eat at 7:40. And despite that, I'm depressed almost to the point of being crippled until after lunch. It's awful and hopeless and NOT the way I want to spend my life. I have to believe that it's just the immediate withdrawal and it WILL get better. I don't know if I'm willing to spend my life like this. 

On the plus side, I was told by a higher level employee who has the ear of the bosses that said bosses are very happy with my work. It's incredibly reasuring to realize my paranoia is just paranoia. I'm doing good work and my effort is seen and appreciated. Also, apparently getting to work and clocking in 9 minutes early, as previously instructed by the manager, builds up enough time that I'm too close to overtime. I have been instructed to get to work only 5 minutes early, so I get an additional 4 minutes snuggling with the Pooka (see photo) in the mornings. I'm not going to complain. 

1 hour until tech-shut down. It's been a productive afternoon. Let's see how tomorrow goes.