fluterify

Living in fearHolding back tearsFighting to eatStriving to starveHealing in waysStepping back in to old habitsStruggling dailyFighting alwaysFor Perfection

Even though I have been getting treatment for everything from the very begining I have just decided I actually want to recover once and for all.

I hate my body, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! There is nothing good or pleasing about it. And my weight is only going up, so I'll contiue starving myself. The weight will have to eventually come...

Am I really back into this again? Eat less than normal and when ever I do eat I purge. Really? Why do I do this to myself?

Perhapes I should simply accept what childhood bullies tried to teach me, that I am worthless. Because clearly i do not matter at all or I would not struggle so. I hurt inside almost if not all the...

Emotionally I've been doing so well but for weeks now food has been on my mind all the time. And specifically how I don;t want to eat at all. Of how I like the feeling of starving.

I'm back in this place already. A place where I do not know if I want to live or die. A place of questioning of self hatred. I really don't thike this place very much.

I have been thinking a lot lately and was just wondering what is life worth for you?

That's all I can promise to keep living for. My pain continues to be unbareable.

I'm not sure even I myself am able to recognize how much pain I really am in right now. I'm only getting it in trickles in small amounts but soon enough the full issue will raise its ugly head I'm...

What's the point in continuing to fight?Why bother keep living?:'(

Terrified of myself :'(

Had about 35 hours of sleep in the past 11 days.Been going up and down A LOT.Sliding hard right now.:'(0 self esteem.

Who am I to say I deserve to live?

I'm doing ok, I've set a goal for myself that for the month of October I will not hurt myself in any way shape or form.We'll see how that goes.On a slightly less positive note a part of me is still...