Dear Johnny,

We all are here on this site for the same reason, that we have tangled webs of deceit and lies that have made people we love not trust us. I am in a similar boat as you to some degree, I lied to my wife over the years about some unimportant stuff and lied by omission on the important stuff. She has been a recovering alchoholic for five years and everyone forgives her as long as she stays sober, but if you lie, people will wonder who you are. What I want you to focus on in the alanon meetings is go to 7 to 8 more in a quick fashion. There Re some meetings that just aren't as good as others, so be open that you may need to shop around to a few meetings to meet people you can open up to. Let them know you are struggling. Do you have a church home? If so, ask for a little help from a pastor on staff, they will be glad you came and asked. This site can be a place to find accountability to write your story and vent, rant and rave, or just lay it on the line. Either way, find some way to reconstruct your life one decision at a time, one day at a time, one person at a time. I will pray you find relief thru your friends on this site. I am MRB and am a liar trying to console another.

Well I slipped up last night. Told a lie among a few people that didnt even need to be told. One of those "caught up in the moment situations" where it just came out. Had gone 3 days before that without lying. Now I have to start over. I started feeling better yesterday afternoon when I went to watch my daughters soccer game. I love watching her play and she played an incredible game against the rival first place team. They won and everyone was talking about her after the game. Made me feel good. Later that evenng we were at church and I was still caught up in feeling good and not making sure i had control of my tonque, I let a lie slip out. I didnt even need to lie. There was no "reason" (not that there ever is a reason to lie) to lie. I just did it. I have felt horrible ever since. I beleive this how the devil works. We get to feeling like we have control and then he throws out the temptation. I"m sorry and will go to these people and make amends. I'm sorry I let everyone down here also.

MRB I wil try gong to as many al-anon meetings as possible to find the right group. Thanks for all of the support.

Hey everybody. Glad you're back Rod. I am anticipating dealing with a very difficult situation this week, needing to set some boundaries with a friend that she is not going to be happy with. I care about her very much but I transgressed professional boundaries and I need to shore things up. I am working with my therapist right now to connect with my ADULT SELF, not my scared, lonely little self that feels alone and afraid, but my core self who is strong and compassionate and capable. It's a constant dance. My space is often reflective of my mind and I am noticing my space getting really cluttered. Time to get on top of things. Happy mother's day to all the mommies out there...

Happy mothers day to everyone who is a mother on this site! I am MRB and am a liar. I am glad to share a personal victory, my higher power is God and today I surrendered my life and am completely feeling as I have been forgiven and am starting a new life as I was Babtized today. I have not felt like this burden of guilt of my deceit for along time if ever. My pastor says you either have fear or faith. Only one is associated with God as well as reality. I have significant fear issues as I am co dependent and am just beginning to learn I am choosing faith over fear! I do not want my life to be measured by if I lied today but by being a good and honest man. My son looks up to me and I want to be worthy of his admiration. He makes me want to be a better man. Today I took a first step and look forward to living thru the next eleven. I hope you are all having a great day, I am MRB and I am a liar.

Hi I'm Rod and I'm a liar. After 3 days of no lying I saw my wife/ex wife, whatever she is. In an uncomfortable situation with her I lied. I was trying to keep from hurting her feelings but that's no excuse.
That was yesterday and then today were driving around a mall and I lied about something very stupid but then stopped and corrected myself so I'm not sure if that's a lie or not.
It's becoming easier to not lie to others but still having a hard time with her when a touchy situation or something that I think is going to hurt her feelings comes up.
Gotta work on that. One day at a time.

Good morning, I am MRB and I am a liar. I know I have a problem with lying and have tried to find information about compulsive lying. There is a lot of information about descriptions but not in how to improve. I do not really know of a resource that comes closer to allowing liars rather victims to reach out to each other. I hope more people post their thoughts, what's going on, what helps, what hurts, etc. It helps me know I am with friends to get renewed strength in trying to go out in the world to be more honest. Today, my wife whom we are separated continues to ask me to do things for her as well as drive the kids around. Now I feel I want to participate but the timing is at 4 pm and I usually do not get out of my office until 5:30or so. I cave in and take him. Now, is this lying? I know I am co dependent but this makes me feel I am being used??? I am trying to take it one hour.at a time. I look forward to your feedback.

MRB

Hi I'm Johnny and I have been a liar. A quick update. Yesterday morning I made amends for the seemingly harmless lie I told on Saturday evening. It felt good to clear my concience of at least that episode.

MRB, you are corerect in assuming that we are in similar situations. I too am separated but am still liveing in the same house for financial reasons. My wife will ask me to do things as if we were still together also. I will do anything for my girls, take them anywhere they need to be if I am available. I will even take the car for my wife to have it serviced when she is at school. However, last friday I did not need to be to work til later and she asked me to take her truck in to have the oil changed. I agreed because I thought she had school. She didn"t. She jut wanted to sleep in. I felt very used and beginning to feel that way more and more. I too would also like some feedback. I have ome to the conclusion that my living in the house is bot a good situation for me.

I will welsome any feedback. I'm Johnny and I have been a liar.

Hey MRB,

Good to hear from you this morning. I agree, there is virtually nothing out there specifically addressing compulsive lying, at least not from our point of view. There is lots out there on Pathological Lying (which is not us), and white lies, political lies, etc... Throughout my recovery journey I have found a pretty decent comprehensive body of literature that has helped me get through all this. Here are a few recommendations:

Boundaries are so hard. The book that I found helped me the most with setting boundaries is actually an Al-Anon book which you should be able to order through Amazon.com pretty cheap called "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage." Although it does have a lot of discussion regarding dealing with drinking situations, it mostly addresses issues of relationships that can be useful to anyone.

Have you picked up "How Al-Anon Works" yet? This is one of the books that's been the most helpful in my recovery. Between this book and Melody Beattie's "Co-dependent No More," and "The Language of Letting Go" I have been able to get a really great grasp of recovery concepts.

What I like particularly about How Al-Anon Works is the slogans section. They were so helpful to me when I was trying to deal with a very verbally abusive relationship before I left.

If you need any other reading recommendations, please let me know!

Laura O.

Checking in, also working through the book "Stop Overreacting" - many of my lies come from overreacting and speaking before thinking. I am doing the exercises in my journal. If it helps me I will let everyone know how.

Hi, I'm Rod and I'm a liar. I haven't lied in any fashion, either through omission, directly or indirectly for over a day now.

Hi my names Jack and i'm a liar i have recently lost everything my girlfriend and her baby who i was hoping to raise as my own and they have gone because i just can't stop lying i hate it i have also drove my parents away and some of my friends hope this website can help me.

Hi my names Jack and i'm a liar i have recently lost everything my girlfriend and her baby who i was hoping to raise as my own and they have gone because i just can't stop lying i hate it i have also drove my parents away and some of my friends hope this website can help me.

Good morning, I am MRB and I am a liar. I appreciate the list of books, I will pick up how alanon works at my meeting tonight. I have done well understanding the impact of my exaggerations and know it all made up knowledge by listening to myself not speaking out in small groups. My need to showcase is one of the reasons I lie. Or at least this is when I get the diarrhea of the mouth and speak exaggerations and then get too deep before I know it. A strategy I am working on is to not be the first in a group to speak and only participate in discussions not try to add over and above what the conversation is about. I lie in groups because I want to fit in or be accepted when in reality I already am accepted. It's confusing but in real time that is a major source of my opportunistic lies. I am MRB and have gone almost a whole day again without any lies!

Hi All. Checking in and looking toward a really difficult conversation tomorrow where I am going to have to put some boundaries in place that may be very hurtful to her. I know that through wanting to protect her, I will be tempted to lie. To make matters worse, I have been asked by my husband not to disclose certain things (for justified reasons), so it feels very dicey. I am afraid that I will go into the conversation and disclose those things to her so that she isn't mad at me & then end up lying to my husband to cover my tracks. I need spend time tonight and tomorrow morning being really clear with myself about my resolve not to lie, evade and avoid and to have relationships that are open and adult. This is really hard stuff for me because I always just want to make everyone comfortable and happy, but that's not real life. But it is hard.

Hi All. Checking in and looking toward a really difficult conversation tomorrow where I am going to have to put some boundaries in place that may be very hurtful to her. I know that through wanting to protect her, I will be tempted to lie. To make matters worse, I have been asked by my husband not to disclose certain things (for justified reasons), so it feels very dicey. I am afraid that I will go into the conversation and disclose those things to her so that she isn't mad at me & then end up lying to my husband to cover my tracks. I need spend time tonight and tomorrow morning being really clear with myself about my resolve not to lie, evade and avoid and to have relationships that are open and adult. This is really hard stuff for me because I always just want to make everyone comfortable and happy, but that's not real life. But it is hard.