I am interested in the notion that lying and procrastination are linked in some way. I also create drama when there doesn't need to be drama. I constantly create situations where I do something wrong or self-sabotage and then I hide the fact that I've screwed it up. Last night, I knew I should have registered for a conference for the early registration deadline. I didn't. My husband will ask if I've registered. I can say NO (the truth) and get chewed out for wasting money or say YES (a lie) and pay the late registration fee and not tell him (another lie). In the past I'd do the latter. But the best way would have been to just get on top of things, register by the deadline and not have to deal with all this b-s. Good to be conscious though and good to see here I'm not the only one dealing with this.

Well I think you're right that they're connected. Primarily because procrastination is all about denial, and so is our lying. Our inability to deal with life on life's terms is the main root why we can't cope with our every day lives and have somewhere along the way figured out that lying is a good coping mechanism. That it makes life a little less painful in the moment (not long term, that's why we're here now! :)).

When you start recovering and learn the art of taking care of ourselves and our responsibilities and dealing with life on life's terms, this flaw will improve. At least it has for me, and I was a HUGE procrastinator.

Laura O.

Hi I'm Rod and I haven't lied in two days.

Checking in, hoping to do more soon

Good morning, I am MRB and am a liar. My wife and I are separated for various reasons. I am in a 12 step program thru Alanon and going thru therapy for co dependence issues. I am also taking medicine for my ADHD symptoms. All that being said, I see where and am starting to feel when a lie is coming. I have great remorse for my lies and the pain they cause. I am seeking a deeper relationship with God, and know for certain he forgives me and my sins are atoned thru the death of Christ. The issue I am having is facing my soon to be ex wife and know what to share with her from my past and share what were lies, etc. I do not feel I have it in me to have this conversation. Has anyone out there done this type of intervention and shared openly their secrets?

I am MRB and am a big fat liar who is figuring it out one day at a time.

MRB,

So glad you are sharing pretty much on a daily basis. I am really encouraged to see your progress.

In Al-Anon, when I first started, I was in a relationship I had been in for 4 years and I think I had come to the program to get permission to leave and for people to tell me I had to get out. I wanted people to tell me that my partner had the problem, not me and that my actions were justified. Of course that wasn't the case and I was ready to start working on myself after awhile. They recommended to me (and AA is the same way), to not make any major decisions for 6 months while you're learning the program and building your self esteem back up. Also they recommended not confronting anyone and working your 8th and 9th steps before making amends to people. Just recommendations though, but it usually for good purpose.

Laura O.

Good. Orning, I am MRB and am a liar. I have really tried to surround myself with a real support network while I am working on some core issues. I feels good to talk and discuss things with caring team members, but until I begin to amend some of my past lies I will not feel totally able to move forward. I am working the 12 steps and was in step 4 but I went back with some new resources and truly did not admit to myself how powerless or unmanageable my life with lying had become. I have the fear based control thing where I lie for control of the situation. Whether telling someone what I want to hear, or recreating a reality that fits my mood or desires, or not telling them so I won't be judged or have to face the consiquences are really the same thing, I have fear based control. I realize by pushing people away from the truth I am isolating myself from myself so I don't have to face my reality not the other way around. I hope to begin to peel the layers back and find a way to not be afraid to let people in because what I have the most is fear of abandonment, but my actions and lying have made people leave. This is my testimony and know I am praying today for God to take away my character defect for the need to control. Today I want an honest day and thought I would start itby honestly letting you in on my thoughts.

Have a great day, I am MRB and I am a liar!

Checking in today. Also hoping the book Stop overreacting will help

Hey, this truth stuff has a lot to commend it. I had to have a difficult conversation with my husband last night. I had the conversation well before I needed to have it and did not procrastinate and avoid it. He handled the truth really well. I caught myself when I wanted to evade and omit. I stood up for my truth and didn't cowtow to his strong energy. After a couple hours, we had a resolution to our situation and I wasn't left with a lying hangover (feeling bad about what I didn't say and wondering when the truth would come out). It was a sure sign that my continued attention to this aspect of my life is making a difference. Thanks all for your continued presence on the board. It makes a big difference to have fellow strugglers and also folks who are further along and can share how truth-telling makes a big difference in your lives for the better.

Glad to hear your conversation went better than expected. I am MRB and I am a liar. I am working on it one day one hour at a time. I have had a few slip ups but was willing to share my personal struggles with my Alanon group last night. Most of them have had similar compulsions. I am struggling with the conversation I need to have with my wife, so I am working a few amends with friends that I have lied to over the years and seeing how their reaction is. Its not easy for me to face this but with my higher power giving me strength I look forward to getting some of this off my chest so I can focus on what inside of me has perpetuated this coping mechanism and why lying? I heard a good saying at Alanon, "you are as sick as your secrets!" Take care everyone, I am MRB still trying one day at a time.

Hope to hear from other members on how they are doing and what is working for them.

I am MRB and I am a liar. I have discovered another way and atmosphere I lie in. I do not like to let people know I am feeling bad or am down. Sometimes life throws disappointments, like I applied and was interviewed for a great position and found out I did not get it. It really saddened me and today I am feeling the panic of it. Usually I tell people I am fine and justify things, I am trying to be honest with my feelings and needs in order to be verbally honest with m y words. I never realized I was liar at so many levels. I am back on the horse and just writing about it motivates me to keep moving on. For today I am a liar and will find more ways and reasons to remain as honest as possible.

Thanks, I am MRB fighting for one more day of not lying.

Hi, I'm Rod and I'm a liar. It's now been two days since I lied. I haven't been here much lately, much to my chagrin, and it's made it harder to maintain my sobriety from lying. I've read all the daily check ins but haven't responded or shared with others.
I've been consumed with self pity and use that as an excuse to not work the steps I need to get better.
I'll try to do better and work this program so we can all benefit from our mutual support.
One day at a time..

hello, I am the Koist. I am a liar. I lie to everyone. especially the ones I care about and care about me. I don't know why I lie. maybe it is because I am not happy with myself or who I am. I want to be honest, but I am afraid I don't know how. Also, I have endless potential and unlimited opportunity and yet I constantly am a let down. I do not want to lose anything or anyone else. help, thank you.

Good morning, I am MRB and I am a liar. I went 3 days with significant improvements however fell off the wagon in a job interview, it was intentional. I was fired from my last position without any significant feedback along with another gentlemen. I told them a plausible story that was based on some truth but I found it impossible to disclose more to them. I can handle that type of atmosphere better now. As to the last post, I wish you well in your recovery, it may take several months before you find relief. Read the posts here on this site and read up on compulsive lying. I am attending Alanon and taking this head on. Society will forgive a drunk that sobers up, a gambler that quits, but a liar is a very different animal to most. You have to be transparent, they will continue to question your motives, as they should. Make sure you are seeking a higher power and gain forgiveness and find clarity in your intentions. I am praying today to have an honest lie free day. I am MRB and I am a liar.

I appreciate MRB, Rod and others who post often on this site. My life is a complete mess and is spiraling out of control because of my lying. I have any responses to his thread sent to my phone so that i can read what others are trying to do to make their lives better. I LOVE my wife, soon to be ex, with all my heart but realize now she may be part of my problem right now. I am still in the house, but maybe for a while I need to take refuge somewhere else. I dont know what to do. Don't know where to go. I don't have anyone local I can talk to. I have gone to one al-anon meeting but I am not thinking straight enough to figure out how they can help me. I don't know if I will make through this day without some sort of a breakdown. The rest of you keep your heads up because it sounds like most of you have a support group around you. I will do my best to trust in God

Johnny