My best friend my soulmate my mom shot herself in the head 4 days ago. We just started a business together, my brother & his family just got back Friday from a joyous (we thought) visit. I was envious I couldnt go. I cant breathe I cant stop wailing.. we were so close so connected since I was little. She talked me down off the proverbial ledge in the past and we talked about how devastating doing this would be to the other. I cant feel her, I thought for sure I would..I'm looking for meaning in everything, everything reminds me of her. We grew up together and no goodbye? No last thought of me? I cant believe people get over this.. please help me

Oh my dear I'm so, so sorry this happened. You're just at the beginning of your grief. You will "feel" her at some point but it may be too soon. Don't do this alone; find a certified grief counselor as fast as possible. One thing I know about suicide (I know far more than I ever wanted to know) is that it is an IRRATIONAL act. The person does NOT have a "choice", but feels totally hopeless. This is an act of desperation. She did not do this TO YOU and she could not think of anything but escaping her pain, whatever drove it or caused it. If she had stopped for one minute to think of the effect this would have on those who loved her, that would have made her RATIONAL and she wouldn't have followed through. This is a very supportive site with many caring people. I suggest you also join Suicide Survivors (Finding God in all of this). Take it one hour at a time.

I am 18 years old and my dad who was my best friend hanged himself on June 19th of this year which was Father's Day. He was by far the only person I have ever met that could help me through anything and could relate to things unlike anyone else. He was an alcoholic and recovering drug addict but at the same time, one of the best people I have ever known and the best dad I could ask for. He left 3 notes, one of his accomplishments, one to the family, and one specifically to me. This is the hardest thing I will ever have to deal with because I feel like no one understood me but him. I still have the problem of when something happens pulling out my phone to call him then realizing I cant. My dad was a great person and I miss him so much. I love you daddy.

I'm so sorry you lost your Dad in this way. I suggest you surround yourself with the most supportive people you can to help you deal with this loss. If it's possible, find a grief counselor. perhaps other family members would also like to attend sessions. It's said that mourning is a sign of love. People grieve in different ways and it's a very hard time in life with such an important loss and especially your being so young. God bless you.

August 20th 2009

I tried to take my own life. Took 15ish excedrin. I was taken to the hospital via ambulance. Had to drink charcoal.. disgusting... I was hospitalized for 30 hours then sent back to my family. It was such a difficult thing to go through. Thankfully I am still here today and have made amazing strides in my depression and have not thought about killing myself again.

On May 2nd 1992 my eldest brother shot himself after a night of drinking. There was no note left and no prior warning sings. I still miss him loads but one day we'll be together again :). I forgive you Paul!

Its been 30 days since my Father died by suicide.He shot himself with a rifle. I remember it like it was 5 mins ago. From the time my husbands phone rang with my mother calling him to let him know. I can still her telling him in the phone. David killed him self today. From hearing those words to me losing my mind. My father can not be gone. She must be mistaken. From me hitting the front the door, screaming as loud as I can to calling his phone 4x's hoping he would answer. To calling my mother to make sure they were not mistaken. They had to be mistaken. I still can't process what happened. I still hope that there was a huge mistake and that my father will call me any min now. It hurts me so much, I feel like my heart is breaking. I never thought that 30 I would not have my father around, and I don't know what to do.

This is a shocking and horrific experience. Losing a loved one to suicide is devastating. Everything you're feeling is normal -- scary, horrible, but normal. Suicide survivors blame themselves, they go over and over the "why" and "what could I have done...said....what did I do wrong....say wrong" but, ultimately, although a normal process we go through as survivors, we are not to blame, we carry no guilt. Feeling anger is normal, too. But there is no one to blame. Suicide is not a rational act and you may never understand the "why"...in fact, there's no way to understand the "why".

I suggest you find a grief counselor and also give your mother as much support as you are able because she is devastated. She may be "strong" for family members (her child(ren) but she is devastated. It takes a lot of time and grief work to learn how to live with such a loss. Right now you're still trying to deal with the reality, I know only too well how you're feeling. Having a good grief counselor will help you. God bless you.

Last Thursday the father of my 19 month old twin boys shot himself in the chest and died. I found him....... hard times

So sorry ((((( Sunny )))))))), so very sorry. This is a terrible trauma for you. You will benefit from grief counseling, find a good one asap. I don't know what else to say....you will carry a heavy burden but you can get through this. God bless you.

My mother and father were divorced. The got divorced when I was 22 or 23. She has been remarried for 5 years. I know it hurts her even still you can not be married to someone for 25 years and still not have feelings

My name is Charity and I just lost my husband one week ago yesterday to this. Me and our babies found him and I have not been able to pull it together. I can't go back into our home, I can't eat, I can't focus, and I can't figure out how to live. I have so many unanswered questions and I just do not understand. After reaching out and trying to google answers that may help, I came across this site and thought that if others out there had suffered what I'm suffering now, maybe I could clear my head. I've never endured such pain and I don't think he had any idea what this would have done to me. How do you get that image out of your head? How do you not feel guilty for not being home? How do you not want to go lay with him? We are still young and had so much to live for.

I assume he took his life?

Suicide is not a rational act. No one in their "right mind" does this, especially in a place where his family will find him. I don't know anything about your husband but he had underlying "demons". People with psychiatric disorders CAN and DO appear "normal", they hide their symptoms, they are not honest about their suffering with family, friends, and even psychiatrists. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. If you had been at home, he would have chosen another day, another way. When someone has decided the only choice is to leave this world, nothing and no one can stop them. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF although I know you will, over and over again for a while.

You need to find a certified grief counselor (not just a psychotherapist, grief counselors are trained specifically for this.) You need to consult a child psychologist regarding how to handle this situation for your young children, whether or not they need immediate intervention. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my daughter almost 7 months ago. This is one of the most painful things anyone can endure. Guilt, self blame, going over and over what you missed, what you said wrong, did wrong, why why why WHY....it's all normal unfortunately and it takes TIME and WORK to deal with it. Don't do it alone, find a counselor asap.

This tragedy will remain a constant sorrow for a while but you will learn to deal with it. Expect a rollercoaster ride, let yourself grieve normally, listen to your children (protect them as best you can with the help of a professional), turn to family and friends but don't expect much since MOST people have NO idea what to say and how to behave in the face of this sort of tragedy. And lean on God, whether you're angry at HIm, whether or not you believe in Him, HE is REAL and HE is THERE for YOU and your children. Let him in. There are many people on this site who will give you support and love so keep posting. Journaling your experience allows all your friends (those you choose as friends) or everyone at large (anyone) to follow you as you go through this and respond to you with encouragement, advice, love and support.

We don't know, we can't know, not even the professionals know, what causes someone to take this final step. Only God knows. There are many here who have lost dearly beloved persons to suicide and they can, and will, do their best to help you. Talk to your doctor, you might need some medication for a while. God bless you.

Yes, he was hanging in our bedroom and I just couldn't accept it. I thought it was a joke and that it wasn't real. I keep living that morning over and over and it just isn't getting any easier. I don't understand why I can't walk back in our home and can't stay away from the cemetery (he was just buried on Saturday). I can't thank you enough for your post as it DID help me to understand a little that I'm not alone with this. His family doesn't have closure so it's a "blame game" with them thinking that "we must have had problems" or something. There were no problems with us and I know he loved us, which is why it's so hard to understand. I will never understand. I will take your advise and start contacting a grief counselor first thing in the morning. I will also continue to lean on this forum, and hope to help someone one day.

There might be something about him you didn't know. I can tell you from personal experience that the deepest psychiatric symptoms CAN be hidden by the person who has them. The "blame game" should NOT involve you. You have just had a horrific experience and most likely have PTSD. NO ONE has the right to point fingers at you, avoid those people like the plague. You'll do enough of that yourself, because we all did and still do that, ask anyone on this forum. But you are NOT to blame, not unless you committed the act (as are people who kill others for whatever reason)! I'm glad you're looking for a grief counselor, the sooner the better. And with a lot of children there will be the responsibility of helping them deal with this tragedy. I will remember you in my prayers. I am well acquainted with your torment :*(
jill