I lost my boyfriend 14 months ago to suicide. He was 40 years old. His dad committed suicide 4 years earlier. I don't think he ever got through his grief of his fathers death, along with depression, and tough times in life. I never in a million years thought he would ever do this. I have accepted the fact that he was ill and not in a rational state of mind. I believe suicide is done by impulse and is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. At the time the suicide happens, our loved one's didn't think of all of that nor did they think of the one's they would leave behind. It has changed my life drastically. I am still devastated and feel totally destroyed.

I do believe he is watching over his kids and me. My heart is so broken and shattered. I love him still so much and don't know what to do with all this love.

In 1998, my father-in-law committed suicide by GSW with a shotgun. He left no note and so many of us who loved him dearly, behind. So many of us didn't get the chance to say goodbye. It continues to be a struggle every day not having him here. He was a wonderful support person to me and my daughter. We miss him terribly. Then, in 2003, his son (my ex-husband) overdosed on alcohol and drugs accidentally (they say it was an accident according to the autopsy records, however, he threatened suicide for many, many years, so I have to wonder). After years and years of untreated depression and Bipolar Disorder, and he was also an addict, as well, he simply had spiraled downward and it finally ended his life. I have had to deal with the aftermath of this, as well, with my daughter, who was only 13 at the time of his death. Though my ex-husband was MY abuser, I have been the support person to my daughter through this ordeal. It's been difficult at times. It gets better with each passing year, however. So that's basically my story....I still feel like I lost my best friend (my father in law). He was a wonderful man.

Three months ago, my elderly mother attempted suicide by cutting herself, drinking toilet bowl cleaner, and hitting herself in the head with a hammer. Such sad and desperate attempts. She eventually died a couple of days later, in hospice. The acid from what she ingested eventually took over.
The fortunate thing out of this is that my brother and I were able to get to her bedside in time to say our goodbyes. Even so, at that point, she was quite medicated and out of it.

I do quite well for days and days, and then I'll get hit with overwhelming grief. I am forever changed by this most horrible event to ever happen in my life. Even so, my stays strong and grows even stronger.

Edit: My faith stays strong and grows even stronger.

My oldest sister lost her life to suicide just under 2 yrs ago. She has an eatting disorder all her life, and when she was dx manic, the medication she took made her gain weight, she went from 110lbs to 350 in 6 months, you can imagine what that did to her mentally. She became even more depressed and started to take pain killers and drink. When my mother was dx'd with terminal cancer, it put her over the edge. She took enough pills and alcohol that when she went to sleep, she never woke up. She called my mother the night she did this, everyone was there to talk to her but me, I was home sick, I was pregnant and having "all day" sickness. I never got to talk to her that one last time, I have always felt like maybe I could have been the one to say SOMETHING to make her change her mind, make her want to live. My mother passed 6 months later and I gave birth to my first baby 3 months after that. I feel like I have never had a chance to fully morn and grieve for my sister. She was in so much pain in her head, and the damn meds the doctors gave her made it worse, I miss her, I loved her very much.

I have lost two very close people to me to suicide within the last few years.

I lost my best friend/fiance to suicide July 2003. Craig had alot of issues in his life that he never told me about, I was out of town for the weekend at my parents house two hours away. He had text messaged me earlier that day telling me that he could not wait to see me for me to call him as soon as I got back in town so we could go get something to eat.
This was sunday July 6th 2003. I drove back into town and to his grandparents house where he lived at. No one had bothered to call me and tell me anything that had happened earlier that day. I still remember pulling up to that house and seeing about 20+ cars parked down the side of the streets. That is how I found out that he had committed suicide that day while his grandparents were at church in their garage. I was left totally devastated had no one to turn to as no one that I knew had ever dealt with a suicide. The next two yrs after that were very challening for me, I found out so many things that I did not know and I questioned who was I really in love with.
I've managed to overcome it all, he was ill, he had tried to commit suicide before and lived.

Last July 2006 my first cousin Jennifer age 28 mother of three little boys called my uncle and told him she had lived in hell her whole live and she was going to live in hell forever. She had just went through a nasty divorce but her boys were number one in her life. She told my uncle she had a gun to her head and she was going to pull the trigger my uncle immediately told her to stay right there he was on his way, she hung up the phone. he called 911 and he got to her house before EMS did, it was too late she was gone. She left a couple of suicide notes and had pictures scattered all over.
I went to her funeral and I must say this was the saddest thing i've ever saw in my life. Those three little boys sitting there without their mother. As if this story isn't tragic enough Last October three months after Jennifer passed, her ex-husband and her two of the three little boys were killed in an auto accident. Leaving one little boy with no parents,no siblings.

I lost my older brother to suicide in 2002.. In MN you can only buy 2 over the counter sleeping pills at a store. My brother went to 5 or 6 stores.. He still had pills half undigested pills in his stomac.. When the funeral happend I was in a car accdent, and did not get to go to it.. I still miss him.. He missed my wedding.. I wish he was here.

My partner comitted suicide in April 1994 by gassing himself in his car. This left me with 5 children to bring up by myself. Then in 2004 I found our son (25) dead in his car in the month of April. He had died from a drug overdose. Was this suicide? I ask myself this everyday. I had asked my son to leave my unit as he was abusing drugs, so he went next door to my neighbour who had lots of drugs. Next thing my son has died, then 2 days later my neighbour hung himself. My daughter who was 15 at the time could not handle all of this and became very reclusive and withdrawn and a year later attempted suicide but survived. So suicide can create a domino affect which leaves me living in fear.

My Mum had been through such a lot, losing the love of her life, being attacked and raped, losing my brother to gangs- he is now frequently missing or in trouble. Her next husband also did so many bad things to her. I think just as she got on her feet something bad would happen to knock her back off. Unfortunately I grew inpatient with her drinking and attitude, and found it hard to deal with her. After one massive argument between us when I stupidly told her to get out of my life. She killed herself. I can never take those words back, and feel so ashamed that I had to wait until she was dead to realise what an amazing, talented and strong person she was.

My friend committed suicide July 24th 2007 but I had to find out the hard way. A year ago she decided to move an hour away to care for her aging parents. They always treated her badly and favored her sisters above her. I tried to dissuade her from this act because she had already been depressed for several years and on meds. I couldn't get her to go to therapy but I kept trying. She had been divoiced before I met her but I think she still suffer feelings of failure about it because her father never let her forget it. She set up a trailer she mortgaged on a piece of the family farm. Then shortly after that she lost her job of over 10 years forcing her to get a new lower paying job. She ended up with 2 mortgages and a lower paying job but she didn't want to sell her house near me because I think she looked at it as an escape from her family. The inevitable happened and to keep both mortgages going she ended up emptying her retirement funds and eventually forced to face bankrupcy. Her father would not help her, he actually dis-inherited her in a fit a drunken rage when he threatened to kill her mother and she hid all his guns from him.
I tried to call as often as I could but she would not always answer the phone. She didn't always want to speak to people I saw that at times when I was with her. I wrote her e-mails but she would never really talk about her hurt. Then one day my e-mails started coming back saying that the e-mail address was no longer valid. I contacted her job and was told that she died. I finally searched through old e-mails she had forwarded to me from other friends with humorous content and found another persons e-mail who wrote back to me to call her. She told me my friend had killed herself and that she had been planning it a long time because her desk at work had been cleaned out and she had made some other arrangements they didn't find out about until later. Her family never told anyone, they wouldn't even tell me where she was buried. I had to seach the obituaries online which told what funeral home had performed the services and I asked them where she was buried.

I have felt guilty wondering if there was just that one thing I could say that would have made a difference or maybe I didn't call enough. There were break in periods of contact with her because I am battling with depression as well but I was lucky I have a good therapist who sent me to a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder and with meds and therapy it is getting better. I tried to get back with her and explain all this. How much it helped and for her not to give up, to see her doctors and therapist, that depression wasn't her fault. But I guess I was too late dealing with my own issues.
I miss her sense of humor and the way we could always talk about things that some people could never understand caused pain.
She is the second friend I have lost to suicide though the other was nearly 15 years ago. I don't find going through it previously has made me stronger, if anything I feel more puzzled, angry, numb and helpless.
Please forgive the length of this.

My brother commited suicide on mothers day may 13,2007. He was my best friend. My family didnt inform me that my brother was depressed, so I feel out of the loop. He left behind a wife and a son. I feel lost, alone and empty like I wont get my life back again. I don't even know who I am any more.

My little sister and only sibling took her own life on April 26th 2007,she was my best friend and i miss her terribly.I was very close to her in the last 6 months,trying to help her get better and just being there as much as i could,except for the last week.I was worn out from worry and i guess frustrated too that i could not do more,i needed a break so i did not call her for a week,i struggle with this as she did it at the end of that week.I know she was ill and not rational at the time,but wonder if she felt i didnt love her enough.It was hard to see her suffer and it was out of my control.I have found out that she had planned it for weeks,but after the first attempt failed she had promised me!!!!Im not angry at her for this,but wonder could i have prevented it some how.While she was manic due to her meds,we had some great times,some very out there,but did stuff she normally would not have done.We went to a rock concert(my photo is of that night out)had a holiday and christmas eve and day all together with family.So thats what i hold close to my heart,the memories and MANY recent photos i would otherwise not have,so i thank god that we had that time together ,carrie

I am sorry to hear of all your losses.

My sister Cheryl commited suicide by jumping off a carparking building. 2 weeks before she said that she wanted to kill herslef and I didn't take any notice. I was onyl 13 at the time, but I blame myself everyday for what happened.

My Dad tried to kill himself...but he never succeeds. i am not allowed anywhere near my Dad, because of what he is like. I grieve everyday.

I feel for you guys and I am here for you if you want to talk, because I no what it is like.

My Sister completed suicide 13 years ago,April 7,1994.She and I were the best of friends.We shared so much ,even Bipolar disorder.My Father had it also .I think its safe to say it's a genetic thing.I used to get very angry and ask God why my family had to be afflicted with such a devasating illness.Then I would ask God why am I getting better (now able to function) and my sister didn't get that chance.I finally excepted the fact that I won't get answer's to those questions.After years of feeling overwhelming guilt and self medicating with whatever I could find to easy the pain,I couldn't keep putting myself and not to mention my family through utter hell.One day it's like God was wispering in my ear and telling me that he and my sister wanted me to get better.Since that day i have surrendered everything to God I gave him all the tons of guilt & rage and he totally lifted it off of me.I take my meds now and take it one day at a time always trusting solely in God for all my needs .Trust me ,I still think of her every single day and will always miss her but I know i will see her again.I'm so glad that my family was praying for me when I was to angry to pray.
I feel so much compassion for each and every one of you here.Take it slow & easy.i promise you it will get better.Sincerely,maggie