I can tell you this much. The day before D-day #1, three years ago, my.switch had flipped. I was done. And now we are better and stronger than we were before. My husband needed to see the end of our marriage right in front of him before he woke up. Some do.

Now we are stronger than ever, learning together, getting better every day.

My feelings returned. It happens. It happened for lots of women who have posted here over the years. Cebu was a great example.

Verbal abusers typically reframe their abusive statements when called on them, making the target out to have been overly sensitive, or to have misunderstood. Operations true to pattern, as expected.

Then I think we are on very different sides of this because we had very different experiences. When my flip switched there was absolutely nothing he could have done that would have saved the marriage. He could never lie again, never cheat again, never be passive-aggressive again, turn into the world's greatest lover, and address every single deal-breaker. It literally wouldn't have made any difference.

I wrote about it here: http://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/2013/02/27/theres-no-coming-back-from-the-dead/. When a relationship is dead, most times it is just dead. There may be exceptions, but both people really have to want it. Cindy doesn't seem to. I choose to accept and respect that.

It seems that you have made it your personal goal to tell Cindy exactly what she needs to do and to designate that her marriage is worth saving, despite her assertion to the contrary. It rubs me the wrong way. It comes across as bullying. And, frankly, it is rather laughable - I can't get the picture out of my head of you as this crusader, all dressed up with your sword, riding a horse, determined to force people to save marriages that they don't want.

You laughed not out of exasperation, but at the 'ridiculousness' of my post. You said so very clearly and now you're attempting to cover your previously stated intention. This is often referred to as gaslighting, my least favorite.

It is also typical for bullies and abusers to reframe differing opinions as abusive in an attempt to invalidate anyone who doesn't agree with them. Classic manipulation of the situation and an attempt to intimidate and shame others into backing down. It just won't work on me.

If she were so sure I think she might have made a solid choice by now. In the meantime I see no harm in presenting a different perspective, one that might offer hope.

Laugh all you like. Your criticisms only reflect poorly on you.

The ridiculousness of excusing Cindy's husband's lack of response to her raising concerns is exasperating. I can do nothing except laugh because anything she says you disagree with. Any assertion she makes, you try to prove wrong. When she addresses your questions, you find a new reason that her answer isn't good enough. It seems you know her marriage and her husband better than she does. How is that NOT funny?

So laughing at me and my posts is just a statement of opinion? Cuz it sounds more like the tactics of a avatars bully.

I've spoken of my own experience and suggested a book to read.

Yep. Sure is.

I have not disagreed with her, or tried to disprove her in any way. Oh, and I asked some questions.

Show me, please, with quotes where I've done,as you've accused.

*schoolyard bully*

Damn auto correct.

The rest of this is just you taking pot shots at me for no reason other than being, apparently, quite bored.

I see it a little different Jaded. I see Fiber trying a couple times trying to pursue with C666 some lines when she has given a glimpse into some of her underlying issues only to hit the resistance wall. C666 is not yet ready to change or to leave. She is barely in pre-contemplation (and that is my humble opinion, not a professional rendered diagnosis). Fiber keeps trying and is not one to give up so quickly. So she comes back with questions. Why not suggest her husband might be depressed? That is not a diagnosis.

Here is the thing I see, though, and maybe it is a level of bias. Ask C666. He marriage has been a lie since day 1. Her husband is likely smarter than any of us perceive. He has probably settled too, and will stay in this level of inter-dependence till confronted with the affair front and center (STD, catches her etc).

So, yes it is much more than he won't just go down on her. She has never gone down either in terms of risked her real authenticity and bared her true self. Thus, the marriage is what it is.

Eventually things will change.

And, for the record, it is a good thing he is not currently going down on her cuz the "narc" likely getting a whole lot of action and an STD is highly likely down there. At least Michael Douglas has had the courage to bring this issue up. That is not a slam -- its reality.