In addition, the friend I journaled about once when he disappeared has pulled an encore. Been MIA for a couple weeks now and there was something he was supposed to help me with that he didn't show up for...nor did he provide an explanation as to why he wasn't going to show.

I sure can pick 'em.

I guess a better question would have been...what do you hope for from your Self? This focus on others, over whom you have no control, feels like a waste of time to me.

OK, The Divine has nothing to do with this. What about a Personal Code Of Ethics? Do you think what you do effects others? Do you care about right and wrong? What about Self-Responsibility? Do you have children, and if so do you feel it is important to set a good example for them?

And BTW, Fiber, Namaste means I bow to The Divine in you!

I knew there was a word to encapsulate the idea. Thanks, Tantric :)

I know I SHOULD feel that it is wrong, but I have no guilt about it at all. I do have some concerns about that. as I feel there should be some sense of guilt. Although I am not happy in my marriage and I no longer even want to have sex with my husband, he is not a bad person.

My children are adults.

But you should set them a good example. And if you are not happy in your marriage and your kids are grown, why not end the marriage?

Cindy,

I am also an atheist. Like you I don't believe that there is anything beyond this life for me. So let me ask you this - what do you want for your life here? This is your one and only chance. How do you want to spend it?

Tantric, I have thought about ending the marriage. Many times. However, my husband is not a bad person. I really don't want to devastate him that way. Plus, the fall-out: financial, family, etc, terrifies me. Yes, I am a coward.

jaded: I want to do a lot of travelling...which my H will not do. I am extremely sexual and admit I want to try everything. I wish I had a partner that I was still sexually attracted to who would go along with that. Aside from sex, there are also many other experiences I would like to have before I die.

As for the narc, if I am out of contact for a short time, I can convince myself that I can move on...that I am over him. However, as soon as he talks to me, I melt. I know this means that I should institute NC, but I am not ready to do that yet. I have tried a few times and all attempts were very short-lived.

So odd, I do not personally know anyone that is not a Christian. Gotta love the south!

I was with a narc too. Sucks doesn't it? There's something extra awful about a break up with a narc. They leave a gaping void lined with embarrassment, hurt, frustration, anger and sadness. They create the boundaries of the "relationship" and then decide when and how it all comes crashing down. Those pesky normal-person "emotions" aren't a big deal for them.

I'll be interested to hear if your narc responds but my bet is that he won't. Two days after he broke up with me out of the blue, I texted my narc a little "I was falling in love with you...I regret that we're both hurt...I wish you the best" message and that was seven weeks ago. It's been crickets ever since then, on both sides. I gave him that last stroke, but that was all I had left. The only power I have left is NC.

I mentioned a bit into the thread that, while he didn't actually respond to my question, he did resume talking to me as though all were normal...which for him, I suppose it is. When I told him in that conversation that I had not been sure about things, since I hadn't heard from him for so long, he said 'You know me. You get upset and stew about things, meanwhile I think everything is fine'.

Is it worth it, Cindy? Does doing something which you know to be rong, coupled with the pbobability that you will be caught, which will devastate your H, worth it?

Rose - I'm from the South, too. Born and raised in VA. You probably do know people who aren't Christian, they just probably don't feel comfortable enough to let it be known.

Cindy, I will ask a variation of what Tantric asked but without the underlying hostility. Is the fear you have of changing worth the life it is holding you back from? Traveling - seeing the world, experiencing life, learning new things - and amazing sex with a partner who gives himself to you... Those are things worth just about anything. They are definitely worth giving up a lackluster marriage with a "good" man who doesn't have passion for you, doesn't like the things that you like, and is holding you back.

Do you want to get to the end of your life, which we both believe is really it - the end - and be full of regrets for all of the things you could have done? I, for one, don't. So I'm trying to squeeze every ounce of happiness I can from life. For me it's worth the temporary fear. I've also found that once I face my fears they aren't nearly as scary as I had imagined they would be.

-- " Traveling - seeing the world, experiencing life, learning new things - and amazing sex with a partner who gives himself to you... Those are things worth just about anything. '' --

Hey sign me up for this too! Sounds awesome.

Oh but wait, once they "gives himself to you", they become just like any other husband or wife over time -- they become routine and bound to you with all the other crap that life asks of us and trows at us, like sharing a bathroom, bills, health issues, getting older, etc.

So do the truly authentic thing and really face the fear, and change. Embrace a life of new pursuits and romances, excitement and heartache, passion and disappointment, a life that is not stale, but don't do it sheltered under the safety and comfort of the old reliable husband or wife sitting at home, being a crutch just like momma and dadda were when a young adult.

Really face the fear and go for it. If not, it is really something else other than the ostensibly wonderful Jaded just sold you.

Then again, she is the jaded one, I am the optimist.