A book with looking at: http://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/0684835398/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/185-7470643-6819924 regarding men and how they hide their depression.

It will be easier to just move on, though.

Hahaha... So now her husband is depressed? Okay.

If so, then perhaps he has been depressed for 30 years...?

The thing is, a lot of men would not go down on women in the 70s/early 80s. My H was not unique in that. I know this because I was promiscuous, lol, and I ran across the same squeamishness in other guys. In a way, we were so hairy back then that who could blame them...? I worked on him earlier on to give it a try...after I started having Brazilians and right after showering. He remained squeamish. Eventually, I gave up. Once I got it elsewhere, though, I realize that I don't want to give it up again.

Actually, a lot of men are very quietly depressed and our societal expectation that 'big boys don't cry', particularly in his generation, leads to shame over not being able to cope, lack of intimacy, emotional withdrawal...all of which Cindy has described in her husband.

But, hey, go ahead and laugh. That's respectful and solves problems, doesn't it?

So, Cindy, you married him fully aware of his boundary and somehow it's his fault that you're dissatisfied? You could have just held out for someone who was into it. Your choice.

It's the only response I have for someone who diagnosis another person with long-term depression based solely off of a few comments, having never met the person, talked to the person, or having any psychological training.

I would also imagine that Cindy realizes now that her choice wasn't the best fit for her. Hence why she is here now and thinking of a plan to get out of the marriage... I would venture to say that every single person here has made an error of judgment before.

Who the hell made a diagnosis? You see what you want to see. I suggested a book that might offer insight.How the fuck is that a diagnosis?

I'm feeling really irritated.

Pointing her toward a book about a psychological condition that you claim her husband shows signs of may not be a diagnosis, but only because you have no actual authority to diagnose anyone with anything given your lack of a degree. However, it is certainly presumptuous and not likely to be helpful since she said previous to your suggestion that she doesn't think the marriage is salvageable and that she needs to make a plan to leave.

I am also feeling irritated.

Whether or not my suggestion is likely to be helpful does not justify your belittling and abusive laughter.

And I don't believe you have any knowledge regarding my level of education.

I made no attempt at diagnosis, not did I imply such. I made a suggestion. I, like Cindy, felt hopeless and readyto make exit plans at some points, even as recently as in the past few months. This book helped me to understand my husband and gave us more tools for rebuilding.

I offered what I hoped would be helpful information. If you want to fault me for that, then it's your problem.

Truthfully...I 'settled' for stability. I had BFs with whom I had a super-charged sex life, but they were mainly bad boys and life with them was filled with drama. It was fine, I suppose while I was busy raising a family. It is no longer fine.

Yeah, let's throw around the word "abusive." Okay. I sometimes have to laugh when faced with ridiculousness lest my irritation overwhelm me. Here are some more quotes about laughter. Maybe you'll find them "abusive," too. I just find them inspiring.

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." -Kurt Vonnegut

"When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him." -Thomas Szasz

"With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die." -Abraham Lincoln

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." -Lord Byron

"It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either." -Wayne Dyer

So the terms of the marital agreement have changed, but your husband is having no say in the matter? Does that seem fair?

Laughing as a means of ridicule is abusive. Own it.