"I want to shave my hair off. And peel off my skin and flesh suit and run (as a skeleton) screaming down the street." ..."With the additional feeling of wanting to scoop my brain out and put it in the blender."

I know these feelings all too well. I actually had the same type of day on Tuesday this week. Don't let the slips get you down, I know it hard not to. You've been doing so well, and have inspired me with a positive attitude. My take on my recent slips is this, if I never had a bad day, I would forget why I needed to work so hard and would become complacent. This way the 'fight' in us is continually rekindled, and we are getting better all the while. It's only a matter of time before you knock out trich for good.

Goodness, that's powerful. I recognized exactly what you were saying. Stand strong, you got this covered.

That danger time for all of us...best wishes to stand firm with your hands busy elsewhere!

Hugs!

Thanks Manda :) It sure is the daaaaaanger zone.

Thank you Chelsea! That is very true.

Is definitely is powerful Mid. I'm surprised (kind of) that we can all relate to that feeling. Wow.

Well I got a 3 for yesterday. Which is lower than my 5 from the day before, which was lower than my 8 from the day before that. So I think I should really get a 1 or even a 0 today. Gotta get up and go for my walk, wah!

That's the attitude...numbers going down is good progress. Keep at it you, can do it!

Thanks! I scored a 3 for today. Not in bed yet but I feel confident my score will stay "3". Just spilled (spilt? no.. ?) red wine on my carpet. Performed my emergency procedure but, I think that patch of carpet will be a little blue. Shit.

Reasons why today was a 3: My fringe is growing back. Has always been my favoured spot to pull. Also, went shopping in a large "mall" (that's what you Americans know shopping centers as" and because it was raining, EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD WAS THERE, and therefore, I wanted to kill everyone. And therefore I pulled a lot, unconsciously. Also had some sugar and caffeine. Damn you delicious coffee and jellybeans!

Ugh pulling from that front area is the worst. Usually my main hot spot as well by far, although the past few weeks I have only been pulling from behind my ears (maybe because I have a lot of regrowth in front I am worried to mess up.) It is so hard to conceal. 3 is still good!

That was also my worst pulling site..It's good you recognized your triggers. Awareness is key. Keep up the fight, you've got this! :)

Hm when I wrote my last comment I guess I forgot that I got a 3 the day before yesterday. So no improvement. It was was mostly unconscious pulling. I'm going stop try to stop obsessing over the numbers for a while. I'll still record them, but I think aiming for zero's is stressful for me.

I'm in awe of your willpower Manda! I find it so hard to keep away from the "good" spots. Thanks for your support.

Thank you Chelsea!

Woke up early to awful cramps this morning. Fun.

Try a little peroxide on the carpet, depending on what you put on it before. Dab, blot, and it should lighten up the spot.

C, I stopped with the numbers for a while and it helped me with the stress reduction, so now that I'm doing it again, I've noticed my number is not zero. I'm feeling better though, knowing that I'm working at it. I don't know what will help the best.

Stay strong! Ouch, cramps are definitely fun, not. Hope you feel better fast!!!! Hugs!

I put diluted detergent and bicarb on the stain previously. I was a little drunk so I didn't mop up the stain first :( I need to get a wine sippy cup. Or just learn to stop after 2-3 drinks. I generally do but then occasionally I'll have a couple more and I'll pretty much always regret it. Anyway, will peroxide do good things considering what I've used on it already mid?

About the numbers, I think staying aware of the amount is important for me. But focusing on the numbers (if they're high) and lusting after low numbers does not help me. Thanks mid :)

Haha it is not willpower at all...I have none of that lately. My urges have just transferred to other places.

It is hard to find the balance between using numbers as motivation and winding up feeling bad about them. Do whatever makes you feel best.

Hey there, C - I've been off radar for a few days bec I hurt my back. (It's mostly better now.) Anyhow, chiming in to check on you. Last I read, you cursed sugar and caffeine! My trigger concoction that would be a sure-fire way to turn me into a hairless cat would be: sugar + caffeine + sleep debt + humidity + being misunderstood + hormonal + allergy-itchy-ness. Just listing those things - aye yaye yaye. Screw band-aids - I'd need duct tape! So in thinking about the things I have control over, I know I can lessen the war just by choices alone. Sending you good vibes girl! Feel good.

yes, the peroxide may work. vinegar on the bicarb will foam up and loosen any hardened spots if you have any of those. I have done a combination over time when one way does not work easily.

You got this! Numbers are a measure, our feelings are a measure, so when we make it work both ways, awesome! When we're trying one way and getting ..., it's nice to know we have the other way to look at it.

Stay strong!

Manda - ah I see. Still, I struggle with that. I go straight for the sweet spots. Yep, finding that balance is hard. I got some lovely encouragement from my husband last night. I was saying how happy I was to get rid of my disgusting august chart, and he said "but look at all those smiley faces, you've done great!" It's so easy for is to be encouraging if others but when it comes to ourselves it's a different matter.

My breakdown for august is:
- 20 good days (out of a possible 31)
- 4 of these good days were pull free days
- My scores are: 1 X 8, 2 X 7s, 1 X 6s, 2 X 5s, 6 X 3s, 2 X 5s, 6 X 3s, 7 X 2s, 3 X 1s, and as I already mentioned, 4 X 0s. So my most common score was a 2, the second most common was a 0, and the third most common was a 3.

Stroodleblooms - yes you're right. Choices are often more important than barriers. If I exercise then I don't need barriers for a while after. Hope you get better soon, back injuries are yucky.

Thanks mid! For the advice about the carpet and also about trich. You're right about the numbers AND the feelings both being equally important measures.

While I was procrastinating this morning I pulled a bit. 9 hairs approx. I was incredibly annoyed with myself. But I talked myself out of that. I can't expect to jump right into being pull free just because it's a new month. I'm going to try not to pull, but when I do, I'll forgive myself, breathe, and calm myself.

Ugh, let me correct my scores that I wrote out above incorrectly: - My scores were: 1 X 8, 2 X 7s, 1 X 6, 2 X 5s, 4 X 4s, 6 X 3s, 7 X 2s, 3 X 1s, and 4 X 0s. So my most common score was a 2, the second most common was a 3, and the third most common was a tie between a 0 and a 4.