Yeah I think that could definitely be a factor. I'm definitely less motivated as of late. But I still do love the system. If I was just counting pf days/steaks I'd be so discouraged right now. It's great to acknowledge that days where I've pulled 5 or less hairs are still good.

I'm just trying to focus on being healthy and bettering my life. That always improves my motivation. I exercised and meditated and ate well today. Must repeat. I go in and out of phases with that stuff. Diet I'm normally quite good with but I definitely have to push myself to exercise and meditate, even though I always feel great when I do them and after.

I wish there was something that that could give as much barrier as the bandaids do and let you do the tasks.

Be strong!

Me too! There could be, mustn't give up hope. Thank you :)

Sounds like you are doing really well with a lot of low number days and even the days that might seem higher to you are still really low numbers! You are doing so well AND seem to have a lot going on which usually do not go hand in hand!

That's great that you are meditating, how long and when do you usually do that? I have really been wanting to try that but don't even know where to start. Do you meditate when you want to pull? I definitely hear you on not wanting to do it at first but feeling great after. I'm having that struggle with yoga and journaling and sometimes even posting on here to be honest! Keep it up!

Thanks Alex! That was great to read. True it is a bit hard at the moment. My psychologist taught me how to meditate. There are different types. You can focus on your breath, or an image. You can sit, stand, or walk. The type I generally do is sitting meditation focusing on my breath. I sit upright, spine straight, comfortable. I take a big deep breath to begin with and release it. Then I start focusing on my breath. Lots of thoughts start flitting through your mind but that's normal. Just gently remind yourself to focus on your breath. Again and again and again. If you are itchy, scratch it. The pint is not to empty your mind but to focus on now, and your breathing. First start meditating for 2 minutes, then extend it to 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes. I aim to do it for 20 minutes twice a day. I don't typically meditate when I want to pull (if be doing it all day!) But I do often do some deep breathing when I get the urge to pull. Yep let's keep up the struggle because these things are good for us :)

Urgh, a bit of an emotionally stressful day today. I was at my mums house cleaning it after all the furniture was sold on the weekend. I had cleaned it previously but oh my gosh it was gross behind where the pieces of furniture had been. I was there all day, and it was definitely weird seeing it without all the furniture I grew up with. I also had to speak to my solicitor and real estate agent a lot, and direct the handy man who was cleaning out the shed and garage. And I forgot to wear my bandaids! I put them on when I got home this evening, and I won't pull any more tonight. So a rating of 4 today. I must keep a stash of bandaids in my purse.

Pulled about 9 hairs while cancelling all my mums bills. Free those service lines are maddening!

Should have been wearing barriers. They're on now.

Free? What did I mean to write? Probably fuck.

Phone calls are terrible for pulling...especially ones dealing with service lines and customer representatives! (I knew immediately what "free" was supposed to mean....does that mean I curse too much? haha)

Ha ha ha I totally did not get that "free" was supposed to be fuck, but now it makes perfect sense.

You are trooper Sam. Keep trooper-ing on! That is great that you have managed to stay so pull free while doing something as stressful as cleaning out your mom's house. I am in awe of you!

There can indeed be lots of conflicting emotions when you are saying goodbye to your old home. Two years I visited the house that I grew up in and it was very strange to be there with all the furniture gone -- they had done some remodeling so all the rooms were different. Very weird to be in the pllace that you consider "home" and it feels so familiar, and yet it has become so strange and unrecognizable!

"I have often found that when starting a new method of monitoring trich, I am extremely successful in the beginning because a new system is motivational and that makes it a bit easier." ---> totally agree with this manda.

That is a nice description of meditation Sam. Meditation is one of those things that I know I should be doing more often, it really does wonders for one's mental health.

Hehe Manda. Unless it's every sentence or every second word, probably not.

Thanks booyah! Yes, conflicting emotions is right. I need to meditate more too. I've only done it once this week.

Urgh a 4 for today, it's only early evening. I really wanted a zero today. Sad panda!

Argh I think it was a 5 yesterday actually. And a 5 for today already! I am choosing the fleeting pleasure of pulling over the long term negative effects. I'm going to write all the negative effects that pulling has on me and my life below to try and help myself out:

- Every time I pull a hair, though I feel pleasure I also feel disappointment
- I feel very sad when I see my hair being thin
- I feel VERY sad when I see bald patches
- I feel rather insecure when I can't cover up the damage to my hair
- I feel insecure at the hairdressers
- I actually avoid haircuts which makes my hair look even worse!
- I feel less confident in myself
- My hair takes longer to style
- I don't feel comfortable with wet hair in front of others
- I don't get any compliments on my hair
- I feel like I'm less in control of my life
- I feel like my power is diminished

Ok, so these are all logical negatives. But I think that "not pulling" is not the only solution. I need to work on my self esteem too, and feeling confident no matter the state of my hair. The main problems are the final two points, feeling a lack of control and power. Resisting pulling a hair (for me) is a powerful thing. Come on, motivation RAAAAAAHHHHH!

I'm in a horrible little rut. I'm at a rating of 6 now in terms of pulling. It's making me stressed, anxious and a little depressed. Auto pulling triggers conscious pulling. I stop for a while. Then repeat.

I think I'm going to go wash my hair and slowly get ready for a party ongoing to tonight. Maybe a bath will help.

"Choosing the fleeting pleasure of pulling over the long term negative effects." Yup, that is where I am at, too. It sucks. That is a good list of reasons not to pull. I wish I had better words of wisdom....do what you can to motivate yourself. Maybe a reward for improvement?

That sounds good Manda. Ok. If I'm pf tomorrow I can buy myself a lipstick. No idea what colour to get (with my new hair colour). Thanks for the support and the idea :) xo

My bath earlier was great. I out in a rose bath bomb with rose petals. I did a face mask. I spent ages doing my hair and makeup (not a huge amount to do I just took my time with it). I listened to classical music the whole time. I thought of it as healing and self soothing. I was then pull free from then (6pm ish) til about 11:30pm tonight when I was ready to leave the party I was at and I pulled about 3-4 hairs. I think today was a 7. That's ok. "Recovery is not being pull free, but the ability to tolerate a bad day after a good week, a bad 3 days after a good month" (Claudia Miles).

You're doing wonderful, hurrah! You're doing terrific, you're doing it! Hurrah!

You are so strong to be able to work with your hair and colour lipstick...that's awesome! I have not worn any make-up including lipstick since my oldest was a toddler (30+years ago). The natural look is me.

Love the bath and pampering yourself! Hurrah for taking time for you!

Hugs instead of tugs!